emotional eating/not having surgery/finding the inner strength to do this on my own

So, I'm beginning to think I just won't have the surgery, at least not for a long time.

With  that being said, I'm thinking now is the time to just try and do my best..
Besides, I've always dreamed that I would find the inner strength and self control to just stop the bad things that  I have done and do it on my own without the tool of wls.

ok i'll just get to the point.

i feel like i can't find my self control. there are weeks where i eat really normal and there are days where i will just inhale everything in sight and i hate it! and it's almost as if i can't even control what i'm doing anymore..can anyone relate? :(

I feel far gone from where I want to be and I think I'm starting to really be scared of the future rather than have the faith and put my heart into something. I'm scared to disappoint myself I don't know what to do.

I was in the process for wls and my insurance has a limited amount that I can use a year and it's well over what my insurance would cover so I can't afford it.


So now...I really need to find another way, does anyone see nutrionists? therapist on emotional eating? Or does therapy in general help with emotional eating?


I'm kind of ashamed for posting such a overdramatic thing but I'm really scared I don't know what else to do. I can't pin point what it is that is leaving me scared. I feel as if my self control, strength and determination is locked up or has disappeared and I have no clue how to take over everything that has taken over my mind and emotions.


Anyway I'd love to hear from anyone who has advice, thank you for your time.

Hi Tashi,

I just had to post to you.  My heart sank for you as I read your post, as I know exactly how you feel.  It's tough, it's really tough.  

Have you ever thought that maybe you are not only scared of failure, but maybe you are scared of success?  Food addiction can play so many head games on us. I'm no expert, but maybe one day at a time is what you might need right now.  It sounds like you are a little over whelmed.

I keep on thinking that I can either feed into the addiction or take it away like an alcoholic.  For myself, my moods tend to feed into it.  For me it's all or nothing.  I'm either on top of the world, or I'm drowning in it.  Sort of like you just said.

There are many of us who have gone to nutritionist, and I believe a couple who have had therapy.  For me, a nutritionist did no good.  I guess I should not say that, because my first one I went too (I've been to a few, plus a few diet docs) I Lost about fifty pounds.  BUT with her I went to see her regularly.  It wasn't just a one visit type thing.  My last time I went in to one she said I could have her job, and sent me on my way.  So I personally think it is very individualized on your personal needs.   I personally would LOVE to see a therapist over this.  But it's spendy so right now it's not an option for me.  There is also OA or TOPS, groups like that out there.

Figure out what plan you want to do and take it one day at a time for now.  You have it in you, we all do.  Baby steps....you CAN do it. 

Good luck!

I am just like you.  I am following the Weigh Down Workshop at home.  I am being totally delivered from compulsive overeating and learning good habits while still enjoying regular food.   If you want to check it out look at www.weighdown.com.  In the store right now they are giving away the VHS at home program for shipping only. 

Whatever you choose to do, just know that you are not alone.  Most of us are in the same boat with a very similar story.

Blessings to you.  May God lead you to everything you need to suceed.

tashi, welcome!!! Do I relate? Boy howdy. My behavior has been INSANE with food in my life. I used to never go to the grocery store for food without stopping to binge on fast food - I'm talking eating a whole meal before my home supper. On a "good" day, I would eat a mere candy bar.

The really crazy part:  then I would purge the food. I did it for many years, about age 12-ish to age 35ish. I can tell you the date when I overate and did not think about purging - it was 12 years ago this summer at age 40.

How did I battle this?  Overeaters anonymous. I went in my early 30's 3-4x a week when I was really in crisis mode, binging every day.

Now, the problem is that a person is dependent on the OA group that will be in your area. The people (volunteers and fellow compulsive overeaters)  make up the group, so there may be a few bad apples to avoid.

Over time - (see above:  lots of it so be patient with yourself!) I finally learned a few very important things:

1.  Eat. Good food, we all know what that means: lots of veggies, a piece of fruit, lean meats, a bit of high quality grain products like whole wheat pasta/breads/brown rice, etc., low fat dairy. In the beginning of battling compulsive behavior, eat as much GOOD food as you want. Trust me, this is not the time to diet and control calories - that comes MUCH later when you make friends with your body's fuel. Plan 3 meals with one snack.

2.  If I stumble, get back on track the next meal or snack. I will take time to learn from why I stumbled and fix it going forward.

3.  Accept that I am not normal with food.  This means taking responsibility: I must eat regular meals, so this means to have it with me.  Pack a cooler, buy shelf stable, etc. I must rest.  i must deal with anger & loneliness in my life in ways other than food.


Just want you to know that I get it. I am here for you - as we all are. Please hang out.

I think a lot of us here can identify with your struggle. I was going to have WLS last year this time - insurance approved and date set- and if I had I'd be at goal by now. BUT I went through all the hoops for surgery, including nutritionist and counseling and followed the pre/post surgery diet. I figured if I was going to have to lose 20 pounds before surgery and follow their program I would do whatever it took to get there. What I learned was that for me LOW CARB took all the binging out of my life - the cravings are gone. It was easy, for the first time since my 20's, to not overeat. I have lost 30 pounds in the last year and, yes, that would have been 100 if I had had WLS, but now I still have all my parts and if I ever do go for WLS I know now that I'd have a duodenal switch, not the RNY I was planning.
The thing I love about this board is that you learn different things work of different people and there is support and celebration of successes.
Best wishes for your journey
Jan

I am very close to goal weight and I struggle with the same issues every day that you struggle with.  Taking your points, one by one:

1.  Emotional eating - I am an emotional eater.  I eat when I'm worried, sad and happy - that covers a whole lot of territory.  I have had to work hard on controlling stress and I've eliminated things and people from my life who brought me down.  I've controlled my life through change - lots of it.  But, I'd be lying if I said it was easy.

2.  If you are saddled with a lot of emotional issues, it would be wise to see a therapist.  As for a nutritionist, if you are totally ignorant about good foods and bad foods, then by all means, it would be useful.  Most of us lifetime dietiers, know more than the average nutritionist, though, so pick your avenues of treatment wisely since you have limits on your insurance.

3.  I have to be accountable to myself and I have to set measurable, realistic goals that I really, really want to achieve.  One of the things that works for me is I go shopping.  I try on stuff that is too small and I leave the store motivated to come back and to be able to buy all the cute stuff that are in the smaller sizes.  During my weight loss, I always purchased an incentive piece of clothing that was too small for me and then I hung it on the back of my bedroom door and I tried it on every wee****il it fit.  And then I went shopping and purchased another piece of incentive clothing in a smaller size, etc.  Even today, I have a blouse hanging on the back of the bedroom door that is too small - still hoping and trying.

4.  As for accountability, I have a 5 x 7" steno pad and each sheet is a day of food diary and exercise and weight.  Yes, you have to weigh yourself at least twice a week or more often.  Today, I weigh myself daily.  While I was dieting agressively, I weighed on Monday and Thursdays.  You have to do it or you will not stay on plan.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  Since I've been on the way down for the past three years, I have 5 steno pads filled with my "life" in recovery mode. . . . .

Good luck and PM me if you need support. 

Donna

Don't feel bad for posting what you wrote - it's from your heart. It is also helpful to see where you are coming from so you can start to determine what help you do need. You might want to discuss this with your PCP. I know at my PCP's office they have a nutritionist if I needed to see one. Maybe you need someone who will weight you and go over your eating plan on a regular basis to start you off? If you have any psychological issues, definitely see a psychotherapist for help - I saw one a couple of years ago unrelated to obesity, it was work related problems but I found that immensely helpful and I still use the tools she had me work on today.

What kind of help do you think you need? General support, education about nutrition, hand holding? We can help you here and give you suggestions of where to get specific help if you need it.

If you can do it without WLS you will be healthier without altering your digestive organs - WLS is the last resort.

Skylar

I feel for you.  I have the exact same problems, but I am slowly getting them under control with the help of Overeaters Anonymous and a good therapist.  My overeating and binge eating disorder relate to my childhood experiences with a critical, judgemental father, who rarely praised me for anything and told me I looked terrible being overweight even slightly from my teen years on.  He even begged me to go on a diet at 21 years old.  That officially started my adult dieting syndrome - take it, put it all back on with at least 20 pounds more.

I started attending OA meeting back in my mid-30s (I'm 57 now), and it's take me this long of more dieting and bingeing and beating myself up and obsessing about my weight to finally drop the dieting (trying to lose weight fast with a regimented food plan) and just eat three moderate meals a day with nothing in between, and choosing healthy foods, with around three "treats" a week (two are sugar-free, low fat ice cream treats, and one is a small box of chocolate candy to see with movies and DVDs on Saturdays).  I personally find when it comes to self control that first of all, I write down what I will eat before I eat it.  I try to plan meals for me and my husband (who is obese like me) around a fruit, cereal, low fat milk, a cup of coffee (get up at 5:30 during the week) and 16 oz. of water for breakfast, a salad with beans, nuts, a bit of shredded cheese, baby carrots, grape tomatoes, & spinach for lunch two times a week with either homemade tuna salad or low fat cottage cheese, and vegetable soup, a fruit, meat or fish cooked healthily, and a whole grain starch with milk for dinner.  Right after dinner, we either have a small granola bar or the treats I mentioned above.  I do not serve dessert every night - I don't want to get dependent upon for meals at home.  When I eat out, I try to pick reasonably healthy fare, with a sugar-free piece of pie, or just a regular dessert.  We don't eat out very often.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you with all the details about how I eat.  I write up my menu plans for the coming week once a week (on Wednesday or Thursday), and follow them to the best of my ability.  I try to measure my food served whenever possible, so I know I'm eating a moderate amount of food.

I have also seen eatingdisordersanonymous.org on all kinds of eating disorders with meetings and info just like OA.  With OA, they recommend "abstinence" (defined as refraining from compulsive overeating with the help of a Higher Power of your own conception), and with EDA they recommend "balance" rather than "abstinence", and working on your emotional issues that trigger your eating disorder, whatever that may be.

I hope I've been some help to you.  Good luck in whatever way you choose to get your eating under control.

Denise Phares/kitties4

Hi Tashi!

If you  tried everything you could try and have not met your expectations,  have surgery if you can.

 This here is an endless sea that ends up swallowing your life - the years when you should have the most opportunities and successes

  Most of us post-ops have been there, done that ,and are still currently doing it again.  I am in WW - it helps me tremendously, BUT I wouldn't have had half a chance without WLS - I've done it pre-op ya know? 

If it helps ya, I'll name the diets or healthy lifestyles I've tried:

Richard Simmons Deal A Meal (the most success I've ever had.  I lost and maintained about 40lbs - I scrutinized what I ate and exercised like a maniac - a real maniac

Weigh****chers

2 M.D. Weight Control Programs with Phentermine - took pills briefly, I was way too jumpy and couldn't sleep

Bohemian Diet (liquid) - No Success!

Atkins - I was Queen of the Induction phase - lost it fast and gained it even faster then I just couldn't do Atkins Induction anymore without falling ill

2 year one on one weekly visits with nutritionist and group counseling at St. Lukes Obesity Clinic in NYC  - I couldn't lose a single pound during that period.

3 Weeks hospitalized in a Leptin Weight Loss Study at Rockefeller University Hospital in NYC - On liquid diet during that period - my iron dropped and they had to release me from the study.

Slimfast

Dexatrim/Accutrim

Various Natural diet supplements, meal replacement shakes, fat burners etc.

Overeaters Anonymous

Group therapy for Compulsive Overeaters

Individual psychotherapy for Compulsive/Binge eating

Hypnosis - great relaxation.  My last hope and a ton of money - $150 per session @ 15 sessions - I didn't lose a pound!

Countless diet books, self-help books on eating, tapes, CDs, programs online to stop eating

In my early 20's I've had a few episodes where I went without eating until I almost passed out or had dizzy spells

What a torturous life.  I had some fun in between of course but life now, wow it is so new, so different.  I believe that every thing happens the way that it is supposed to happen BUT I know for sure if I were a "normal sized" girl years ago, my life would have been very different.

Do Not get me wrong, WLS is very far from perfect.  I've had my share of issues ( a non-working band for the first 3 years and other complications).  You know though that I would not change this experience for anything in the world.  I too would go under the knife again if I needed to revise to another WLS.  I never want to be fat again.  We are so cheated out of life when we are obese.  I want mine this time around.

Diets just don't work for most people.  ONLY 2 to 3% of people who lose weight with diet and exercise alone keep it off.  I tried and wasted my good years trying to be one of those people AND I didn't have a chance.  I should have been having fun instead of burning time trying to diet.

Okay so you MUS****ch what you eat and exercise after WLS.  Every healthy and fit person does that.  WLS is not about being lazy - it is not about taking the easy way out.  WLS is about giving yourself a chance.

Yes there are some people ( 2 to 3%) who lose weight and keep it off.  Many books are written on this.  I think I have most of them .  I wanted more than anything to be one of them.  I tried, I really did.  These people do not miss the mark.  The watch what they eat and exercise every single day and if they drop the ball, they pick it up the very next meal or day - they work harder.  They become emerged in the world of exercise and diet - working in areas like personal training, diet coaches, aerobics teachers, WW  and other diet group leaders etc.  

Every day I'm fighting for my life.  I don't want to be riddled with obesity diseases.  I wanted a chance NOT to become diabetic like most of my family members.  I wanted a chance to live.  When you tried it all and tried it long why not Weight loss Surgery?  BUT not without RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH