What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud?

No for some reason i do not cuss whilst riding my bike! It is not like work to me...gardening falls closer to housework in my book. I dunno, I like many aspects of gardening, just those stinking hardheaded thick weeds do me in!!!!

I have a dream to do a ride like 17 mile drive - i have not been there but my DH took pics one day when I was down there at a conference. There are many awesom erides here in my area - I live by two volcanos, lots of mountains!

I would like to do many rides all over America one day. Think I will when I get retired! I'll come pick you up!

Volcanos and mountains?  You must have some breathtakingly beautiful rides!

Hey Neecee, glad to hear your holiday was a good one...well, except for that four letter gardening incident!  I take it your not of the Zen school of gardening?     

Mary 

Jennifer, I'm sorry that your DH isn't helping and in fact is blocking your path to better eating. If you are diabetic or pre-diabetic your diet will now be even more important and cannot be ignored. Will he accompany you to the Drs. so he hears first hand what the Dr. tells you to do?

I am so lucky that my DH is on board 100% because it makes it so much easier. With his help I have been able to clear out all the junk from my house - either to the food bank (non-perishable) or work (perishable). He hasn't always been with me and that has always ended in falling off the wagon. So I hope Jennifer that your DH will listen to your Dr. and support your needs.

Skylar

edited for spelling error

Hi Mary and everyone...I'm back, I think. I'm gonna try to be anyway. This has been a rollercoaster month for me. I started out great, almost a month sticking to my low-carb plan, went on my first date in 6 years, and even though it was a flop, I was feeling really great about myself as a person. Then the troubles come. my car broke down and the tow truck broke it more...$1500 worth of mechanical and body damage. And then my dad came to 'visit' on the 10th to 'help me get back and forth to school' and figure out what i was going to do. I'm grateful for his help, but what it translated into was more of, "you're life's going nowhere, you can't pay your bills (i can), you should be working, not going to school, you shouldn't be driving so far to school (25 miles, one way), everything is your fault, you're a burden and financilly hurting your parents", on and on. He is an alcoholic (starts drinking at 9am on the weekends) and yelled at me twice where i thought he was going to hit me, the first time was in front of my 5 yr old who idolizes him (not any more). Last thursday when he left, he watched my daughter while I went to school in the evening and he'd been drinking all afternoon, then DROVE her to the store to get dinner (SOOO not ok!!!) then when I got home insisted that he wasn't drunk and drove the 250miles over the mountains to get back home. It was a major relief to have him gone. But I am left feeling worthless and depressed, like i spent most my childhood feeling. I KNOW I'm good, and doing the right thing for me and my dd by going to school, I KNOW I'm a good person, and not worthless....but i still feel that way...

He lent me money to get a used car from a local tow company (not the same one that wrecked my car!) that fixes up donated cars and sells them for charity. I think we paid too much for it, but what do I know? It's a '91 Nissan Stanza with 129,000miles, paid $1250.  Its great to have a car that runs again, but it is already acting like it has problems. I feel sick to think that ANOTHER car might break down on me...that would make 3 since January!! I'm Jinxed. Oh and I heard from AAA and the tow company, all they'll give me for the car they broke is $600. it kelly blue books at $950, and the damages came to $1500.

And I've been having health problems. I think I told you that my doctor thinks I have PCOS, but thats without any tests, just talking to me she diagnoised that. She said it could be other things, but she put me on progesterone which I've taken two weeks out of the month for the past 5 months without the results she was looking for. Last Friday i had a complete pelvic ultrasound to see whats going on in there, and I've been super worried that they're gonna find something major wrong and I'm gonna need a histerectomy, or that I have cancer. Or both. I don't know. Then I had an appointment with my sleep apnea doctor who is worried because I've gained 30lbs in 3 weeks again, it appears to be mostly water...I'm swollen like a balloon. My legs are huge. He put me on Lasix  for the swelling, and then was saying he's worried that I could already have heart problems because of my weight, and he wants me to talk to my PCP about getting my heart checked out....which freaks me out, because one of my fears (that trigger my anxiety really bad) is of having a heart attack and dying and leaving my daughter with no one. So I've been having severe anxiety since that appointment, and i can't get in to see my PCP untll 6/16.

Oh and my sleep apena doctor again asked me if i'd consider bariatric surgery, and I told him, again, that I'd LOVE to have it, but my insurance (OHP) doesn't cover it unless you're diabetic. I was tested after fasting and I'm not. Not even pre-diabetic. He said they might be able to consider me diabetic if my blood sugar is over 140 after eating, it had been an hour since I had lunch, so he sent me to have my blood sugar tested...137. Crap. My blood won't even cooperate with me. Not that I really WANT to be diabetic, I just want to have the surgery. I'm having so many medical issues, I'm afraid that I won't be able to loose the weight on my own. Thats assuming I can get my emotional stress eating under control, I've had no luck at that since the beginning of the month. I've been off plan for about 20 days now.

I just don't know what to do, I'm so overwhelmed with everything...I'm way behind in school too, missed alot dealing with car stuff, and finals are coming up in 2 weeks. Ugh. 

Sorry to make this so long, and so whiney...

Aw Heather, your life has been really sucky! No wonder you're not on plan; heck no one could stay on plan with all that going on.  I'm glad you're back and telling us about it so we can help you get through it.

Don't EVER let anyone talk you into believing that an education isn't important.  It's a struggle now but will pay off in the future.

Alcoholics are completely toxic.  If you can, try to avoid being around your daddy especially when he's drinking.  Although I have had a lifelong addiction (food) I have absolutely NO tolerance for alcohol or drug addiction because NOTHING good comes out of having a relationship with an alcoholic, IMO.  I'm sure I feel that way because I grew up in a household with an alcoholic.  I know it's hard to not internalize the negative things your daddy says and does to you but try not to let that negativity seep into your life.

Regarding the WLS, have you tried to appeal the insurance decision?  Perhaps an external reviewer will recognize the other health problems you have as comorbidities that can be cured with WLS.

I'm sorry everything has been so bad.  Focus on school and your daughter and everything will work out eventually.

Kim

Thanks kim, I know I should take dad with a grain of salt, but he's my daddy and I've fought all my life for his approval, and still am not recieving it....his critisisms always seep through the cracks and hit me where it hurts the most.  Thank goodness I only see him a few times a year!

I want to try and appeal the WLS, but I have no idea on how to go about it...

Thanks for your encouragment!! 

I know, easier said than done regarding your daddy.  It helped me that I never gave a **** what my father thought about me 'cuz I didn't respect him enough to care what he thought about anything, quite frankly....but I love my daddy (stepdad).

I'm certainly not an insurance expert but I work in healthcare administration so I might have some ideas for you regarding an appeal.  Is OHP a university plan?  or state plan?  All insurance plans have an established appeal process.  That information is usually posted on their website or you can call customer service and obtain the information.  Usually at some point, the appeal is reviewed by an outside medical reviewer and the denial is often overturned.

My suggestion would be that you ask on the Oregon board and/or the specific WLS board (whichever surgery you're interested in - LB, RNY, DS, VSG).  There are particularly helpful people who know alot about the insurance appeal process on the DS board.

Thanks! I'll keep that in mind and check out the Oregon board! OHP is Oregon Health Plan, a state insurance plan.

Well hello there my little darlin', I was this close to sending the OH Posse' out to find you!  
         

That would be Neecee and Kimmie on the bikes!

Hmmmm, imagine three of us in just one little post with alcoholic fathers and suffering from eating disorders.  Kinda makes me wonder just what the percentages are on that.

Fortunately for me, my Daddy was a sweet alcoholic and spoiled me rotten.  It was when he was fighting with my mean ass Mama that it got ugly. 

But if you get to the heart of the matter, alcoholics and drug addicts are the most selfish people on the planet.  Even though they may try to care how their behavior is affecting those around them, unless they get treatment they can truly only care about how the alcohol affects THEM.  Everything is all about THEM.  Unfortunately for you, your Daddy seems to be a very negative person and that negativity is only compounded by the fact that alcohol makes it worse.  It makes for a very toxic relationship between a father and a daughter.  I know for me, I had to totally break off from my father when I was in my early twenties, FOR MY OWN GOOD, before I let him drag me down with him.  Once I was able to fix me, by the Grace of God, and a lot of forgiveness, I was able to treat my father with the respect that a father is due, even though he didn't deserve it.  Once he started getting that respect, he quit drinking to live up to that level of respect.  It took years, but I just thank God that I had a lot of years with him before he passed to finally have a great relationship with him.

All of the negativity for me came from my mother.  Nothing I ever did was good enough for her.  But I finally came to the conclusion to just be the best daughter I could be and if she wanted to be a bad mother, that was between her and God...HE made her, HE could deal with her! 

You're young and still trying to figure these things out for yourself.  Although it would be nice to have your father's approval, just try to remember it's hard for him because he doesn't approve of himself, so it would be hard for him to admit that his young daughter is better off than he is, especially if you conquer your addiction and he doesn't.  But don't let that stop you from conquering your addiction!!!  You can end up being the role model for him. 

Stick around kiddo, you need some support and we may not be the best at it but we've been there done that and came out better than when we went in, so that has to count for sumpn, no?

  We loves ya plenty,

Mary