can big girls find love???

Beautiful sunshine today, and I spend most of my free-time online! Ugh! I've been online looking at online dating/local personals. I've decided that I'm tired of being alone, and it is going to be awhile before I loose all the weight I want to. I don't want to be alone all that time. I KNOW that there are guys out there that like BBW like me, One of my best friend has been larger than me growing up and she ALWAYS had dates, I rarely dated. In fact, It has been over 6 years since I've gone on a date. It's kinda scary, and I don't know where to start. I thought I would look online, but that scares me too, cuz you don't know if the person on the other end is being honest. I dont go to church, I don't go out to bars often (last time was 2 yrs ago!). I'm pretty much boring, and I dont know how to meet anyone that way... Can someone help me? 

I think however we choose to meet partners - church, school, online, whatever: take your time, be judicious to get to know that person first. Hell, the BTK killer was a church-going man, so take your time no matter where you find these guys. Really.

Esp with your baby girl, be very very careful about who and when you let touch her life in the smallest way. I would not even let her meet this person until you have spent 6 months in real life with this person - gone thru a season or two to see how he rolls with life'*****hes.  is he too angry? too sappy? good credit/spending habits? all of those "little things" matter. a lot. And very importnat to remember: make sure to consider a set of habits.  One of these things all by itself may not be a big deal, but consider the big picture.

I say do utilize online - even travel a short distance to see each other for a while.

Also let me say that if you are not truly healed from your last relationship, you may be putting out "stinkbomb vibes" that you may be totally unconscious of. I was...and it was not until I began to really deal with the pain/shame/loss of my marriage that I attracted my no DH.  He and I dated 8 years before we ever moved in (in our case we got married, then moved in).

I think being a fatchick is beside the point of attracting a man.  Having said that, I am not real sure that YOU are okay with being heavy - not comfortable in your skin. So, i strongly advise that you stay with your program to the point where you feel that you are ready to rock it! Your true love waits for you.

And you can look around online while you get right with yourslef!

Thanks Neecee...I am not a fast paced type gal, so no worries about moving too fast, I have to get to know someone really well before I can trust them, I have been hurt in the past, trust doesn't come easy for me.

And I was thinking more like a year before Jordyn meets any guy in my life...part of the reason I havn't dated before now cuz I didn't want to bring strangers around my daughter. I DON'T want to be one of those single moms who have guy after guy after guy in their lives, and introduce them all to there children. I have friends that have/are doing that, and I think its wrong.

I don't know if i'm putting out stinkbomb vibes, it's been so long since I've dated...  

And no, I'm not ok with being heavy, I can't remember a time I've ever been comfortable in my skin. I am planning on sticking with my program, but i don't want to wait another year or longer before I loose enough weight to feel comfortable...

You are a very pretty girl and lots of guys like big girls.  I've never really been without a guy since I was 13 for longer than a month or so (admitted boy crazy).  Physically wise, I've found most guys like pretty faces, big chests, and big butts.  So...if you got em, flaunt them. 

Here are things I do to feel better about myself and to give me confidence (and what I've done before most 1st dates-did ALL this on 1st date with current dh of almost 9 years): get a new hair style & mani/pedi, buy new undergarments, lay in the tanning bed, do a facial & put on the works make-up(don't forget the gloss, I don't leave home without it :)), shave legs super smooth, put on yummy smelling lotion, put on a cute new outfit (I prefer low cut tops with longer length like 29"-30" and bootcut jeans).  Its like wearing armor- weird analogy but its always worked for me.  

Drop some hints to your best friend about having some people over and having her boyfriend invite friends over too.  Guys can be shy, so sometimes if you talk first and show some interest, a date may follow.  Guys like the whole compliment thing "you're so insert word here (funny, smart, strong...".  I've never did the online thing, so I can't give any advice on that.  Try places you can have fun at without a guy but places guys go to:  friends houses, work social events, cookouts, the pool, the beach, theme parks, clubs, the mall, football or sports games, car shows, and tattoo shops (major hotties).  Good luck!

I like the idea of the mini-makeover before a first date...I think I'm going to try that!! I have a hard time meeting people in groups, I'm really shy until I get to know someone, so even if I see someone I'm interested in, I cant seem to make contact...social anxiety i guess. BTW, I agree, MAJOR hotties around tattoo shops! 

What you said about being shy made me wonder...what if you saw a great guy and you were too shy to approach him and he was too shy to approach you and you missed out on a great relationship because you were both to scared to open ya mouths?  I've said this before, but CONFIDENCE is sexy!  If you exude a certain body language that let's people know that you are sure of who you are inside and that you are open to getting to know them then all sorts of meetings can take place.  Flirting is a practiced art that can be perfected at any weight!

Now here's my gripe about online dating.  First impressions are very important in determining someone's character.  When you are forming a relationship online, the other person is controlling what you think about him and what your opinion of him should be.  Then, the first actual meeting is with someone you 'think' you already know, so it becomes about the physical not what your women's radar should be assessing.  See what I'm sayin'?

Mary   

What if you 'meet' him online, then talk to him with on an IM and then talk to him on the phone...and then meet him at a bar for karaoke with friends tomorrow night?!?.....I found someone that seems interesting, e-mailed him, and he responded right away! He thinks I'm pretty and have a great smile! lol   He sent me pics, and his myspace address, and  he wants to meet me!! I'm not stupid, I'll be going with friends to a public place, and not drinking, cuz I make stupid decisions when I drink (besides i'm not allowed alcohol!)....What do you think?? I'm soo nervous, I havn't been on a date in forever...I tried to be confidant and fun on the phone, and thats easy. But in person...yikes! You say confidence is sexy, and that flirting can be perfected at any weight....   I need a crash course NOW!! LOL

Good Lawd Girl when you set your mind to do something...you don't play!  Hmmm, a crash course in flirting is not easy in one night, it takes a lot of practice for someone who is shy.  I think the main ingredient in flirting is showing "interest" in a guy's interests and his life and his feelings about things.  Guys have egos that have to be addressed in a very sensitive way.  If he says he likes football and you say it's a dumb game and you never watch it, for him it's like you're saying you think less of him because he does.  So instead, if he says he likes football, ask him what it is about football that he finds so fascinating?  Even if you could give a fig less about his answers you are showing an interest in him...that's flirting.  Sounds deceptful I know, but it works! 

I'm thinking that you should take this question over to the sex forum and see what kinds of answers the peeps over there give you because they have a lot of guys who could help you out with opinions, too.  I'd be interested to hear what they say.  Besides, you may hook up with someone over there!

Mary 

    

Um, you always give GOOD advice but I'm not so sure the sex board advice is a good idea.  Have you been there lately?  Ain't no tellin' what they'd suggest! 

I used to go over to see what Tink had to say but ever since Norma found her a man over there, I like to keep up with what's going on with them.

Besides, Heather is young and needs to know the latest in what's up on the dating scene.  She'll just have to sift through the good and the bad advice...she ain't got much time!

Mary