What do you do when....

All these posts that I just read reminds me of all the little things that make up our bad self esteem as we get bigger.  I'm sure it's not all of us, but I know I'm one of them.  I thought it would be sort of fun to make a list of things that gets to us as being a big person in today's society.  Maybe someone has some helpful hints how to get around some of them! :)  Can you name five or so?  And how can we fix them?

1.  Tiny table at restaurants.  I've been noticing that I'm either gaining more weight or some of these tables are REALLY tiny!  It's pretty embarrassing trying to squeeze into some of these booths.

2.  Typical airplane scenario.  SEAT BELT!!  Last time I was on the plane I had to squeeze my fat butt into one of them.  I mean I really had to work on it!  There was no way I was going to ask for an extender.  Just not going there.  After many tries I finally squeezed into it.  So I haven't flown since!

3.  Shoes...not sure about you guys but I have some wide feet!  After I lose weight, I go down a size and lose my fat width size.  It's embarrassing only being able to get wide shoes because well...there is hardly none out there!

4.  Sexually not attractive.  I cover this one up SO bad all the time.  I miss not showing myself the way I want too.  Even though I can fit into some garments that are sexy, I wouldn't buy them.  I wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything that will show my bulges.  When I am thinner I am so much funner!!  I personally really miss that "free" feeling.   I envy heavier women that still have the confidence that they are the best there is.

5.   Riding a bike.  I want to do this so bad.  I am first of all afraid to death I will  bust the bike and I will fall flat on my face.  Plus my butts so big I'm sure it will be extremely uncomfortable.  I really wonder what the weight limit is on the normal bikes you buy in the regular stores?

6.  Another summer sport that is coming up and I actually told myself I was going to make this a goal...is water rafting.  I live in Alaska, we have some beautiful waters and scenery.  I feel like i"m really missing out on this.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, the water.  I want to do this, but I'm afraid I am too big!  Plus I'm afraid of even getting in the boat!! LOL  Any advice on this one?  I really want to do this.

Girl, don't even get me started on the sex thing when I gained weight...my DH didn' see me nekkid for twenty years!!!  Now I practically stay that way.  

When I was big, outwardly, it seemed that I was full of self confidence but inwardly I was full of self loathing and no respect for myself.  Here's my list of the top offenders.

1.  When I had to take what I called the "Walk of Shame".  Like when I would get up to sing and walk to the mike.  I was fine after I started singing, but getting there, I felt like all that people were doing was seeing how big I was.  Only thing that fixed that was massive weight loss! 

2.  Having the steering wheel up as high as it would go and it still rubbed my belly.  The other day I got in the truck and thought, who changed my personal settings because look how much room there is between me and the steering wheel.  That still fills me with wonderment.

3.  My feet and heels hurting so much that I could hardly walk.  That went away after the first fifty pounds, but uglee special shoes were the only thing that made them better.  That basically just sucked that I had to wear them when I was used to wearing cool shoes.

4.  Sweating like a pig on a spit was so embarrassing that I almost never went outside in the heat.  A little girl asked her mama one time why was I so wet.  The rude mama told her it was because fat people sweat a lot. 

5.  Not being able to find size H bras that didn't cut into my shoulders.  Never did find one of those. 

Geeze Holl, you thought this would be sort of fun?  All it did was remind me of why I stayed on my diet all those years.  That ultimately is the only thing that fixes this...determination to not stay that way!

Mary   

Taking them one at a time:

1.  Restaurant booths - they're not going to make them bigger.  It's a matter of money - the more tables, the more customers and the more profit.  The fix:  lose weight or find a table and chairs.

2.  Airline seats - you either have to travel business or first class or buy two coach seats or  not travel.  As above in #1, the airlines (and this is my career field) make their money based on the number of bodies they can squeeze on a plane.  Frankly, I'd gladly pay $100 more on a transatlantic flight for a little elbow and leg room but it's just not gonna happen anytime soon.  It's been tried and it's failed. 

3.  Shoes - After my weight loss I went from a size 10 to a size 8.5.  Nordstroms has wide shoes.

4.  Sex - Men are visual and they are conditioned by seeing swimsuit models and Victoria Secret models and that's also not going to change.  There may be some guys out there who like plus size women, but I never met one. 

5.  Bike Riding -  I don't even do that today and I weigh 138 now.  Bike seats just aren't made for women. The fix:  I suggest walking.

6.  White Water Rafting - This is the one that has me most concerned.  About six or seven years ago one of my former Army  colleagues, a male colonel with lots of white water experience died while rafting in Alaska.  He died of hypothermia.  He was a very fit man.  Staying in the raft is not the problem, it's what happens when it overturns and you need stamina and strength to stay alive.  To illustrate,  after I lost 90 pounds I tried to carry some Christmas boxes upstairs in my house.  The boxes may have weighed 25 pounds.  It felt like a ton!  I had to wonder outloud, "how the H$LL was I ever able to do anything at 235 pounds?"  Think of the stress on your joints and your heart?  Jump in a swimming pool and strap a backpack with 40 pounds on your back and then take a swim.   Please, for your own safety, do not attempt rafting until you lose your weight, achieve a normal BMI and engage in a vigorous fitness regimen.  

It's been going on three years since I lost weight and I have repressed a lot of those memories but here are a few that come to mind.

1.  Bras - It was impossible for me to find a bra that fit properly when I weighed over 200 pounds.  I could never keep the straps in place - they always fell down on my shoulders.  And bras were very uncomfortable.  I must have bought 40 different styles over the years that I was fat and none worked. 

2.  Clothing - I hated wearing plus size clothing.  I never found a store with nice fashions and on the occasion when I actually liked something, it either didn't fit or look good on me.  In fact, nothing ever looked good on me when I was fat. 

3.  Self esteem - I had very low self esteem when I was fat.  I felt constantly judged and I felt like a loser because I couldn't control my weight.  There is nothing anyone could have done or anything I could have done for myself to boost my self esteem when I was obese.  I had to lose the weight to get it back.

4.  Social events - I avoided a lot of stuff when I was obese.  Weddings were the worst.  I didn't want my photo taken when I was obese.

5.  Mirrors - I avoided them.  I hated the way I looked. 

Other things - jewelry:  rings and bracelets didn't fit.  Belts - I didn't wear one for years. 

I guess the common theme here is that you become very isolated and you miss out on a lot of living when you are obese.  There are no easy fixes.  You gotta lose the weight - one way or the other.  And even after I lost my weight,  I work very hard every day just to maintain.  My body would easily go back to 200 pounds if I quit dieting and exercising.  In order to have all these great things in your life, that many people just take for granted, some of us have to work very hard every day but IT IS WORTH IT!  I wouldn't go back to the bad-old-days for anything - not even cake!  

Good luck in your WL journey.

Sorry to hear that about your friend.  These waters can be very dangerous, they are so pretty  it's misconceiving to many.  just out of curiosity, do you remember if he was with a tourist type of group, or on his own with some friends?  That is by far one of the most goal oriented things I want to do.  I know I'll be addicted to it once I get on that raft.  I know there are TONS of rafting tourist boats out there every summer.  So I'm really wondering what the limits are of what they ark for.  I think I did read some where that they want you to be fit, just can't remember the details because it's been a while since I've looked into it.  Guess I'll probably end up waiting ...again...before I start that journey.  Still trying to talk my husband to join me, he hates water worth a passion.  Sort of odd since when I met him he was in the Navy!!haha

I also hear ya on the bras.  I tried on so many just yesterday and hated them all.  I walked out of the store with nothing.  

Holly,

The details about the Colonel are a little fuzzy now. I know that the people were all strangers to each other who somehow organized this trip to meet somewhere and take a Class III rapid.  What was really pathetic about it was that they wore no wetsuits and had no satellite cell phones.  Had either of these things been in place, he would not have died.  He was the only one on the raft that died.  The story was that the raft overturned immediately after they started.  It was another group who came by on their raft that had the satellite cell phone and phoned for air evac support. 

I lived in Alaska for a year when I was in the Army - back in '91 after the Gulf War.  I was stationed at Fort Greely near Delta Junction.  I too am familiar with the beautiful and beckoning waters of Alaska.  I was never tempted to raft, though.  I really just like salmon fishing and watching the bald eagles doing their dives into the streams and rivers. 

Babs

I stopped going to baseball games, hockey games, and concerts because I was so afraid I wouldn't fit in the seat or I'd be overflowing into the seats next to me.

Going to a friends house for a bbq - I was terrified to sit in those white plastic chairs....I once stood up and the chair was stuck to me....talk about embarrassing!  After that at any function outside I would stand all night or try to find a bench or large boulder to sit on..

Flying - same problem about fitting into one seat.

Going to the salon for a hair cut - believe it or not I actually thought the hair-cutters or other patrons were thinking  "geez why bother cutting your hair when you are so big!".

A booth at the local diner - My boobs would be sitting on the table!

Because of all these terrible memories I am even more determined to NEVER go back to being big again!!

I think the healthiest way to deal with these issues is to let them form part of the reason to lose weight - make them goals to achieve when you've lost weight. Write them out and post them somewhere where you will see them often and read them when you feel you're straying off course.

I know many want to make changes such as larger chairs etc. and I'm on the fence with this because I know myself that as I got larger these types of obstacles remained to remind me to lose weight. And where does it end? I don't know the answer but I've been reading several books on how did we all get so fat and it's helping me see things from different points of view. Where once I felt that restaurants should make seats larger I know understand that we need some limits - I mean if you can fit into a larger seat then you may not have the feedback from a too tight chair not to over eat. Somehow those of us who are obese seem to not respond to these kinds of clues which could help us. I know thin people who, the minute their clothes feel slightly tight - not so tight that it can be seen but they feel it, they immediately eat less for a few days. Not me, I keep eating even when my pants are so tight I'm uncomfortable - why don't I listen to the feedback that I get from my surroundings and clothes? I'm trying to pay attention now, to use them to my advantage.

I do believe in health related areas that they must have equipment etc. to accommodate severely obese people. I'm just not certain about this as it relates to commercial businesses.

Skylar

Hi Holly!
I'm much larger than you, and I've been riding a bike with my daughter recently (first time in 5 years!). It's not a special bike, just a walmart model. I don't even have a 'big butt' seat (an extra big cushy one- they have them at walmart too!) My butt hurts the first couple times I ride it, after the first time is terrible....but I guess it's just  how much you want to ride. I used to ride bikes all the time as a kid, I want to be able to enjoy it again! Not enjoying it right now, too much huffing and puffing and pain, but I'll get there!! I don't know what the weight restrictions are, but my bike hasn't buckled under me yet, and I hardly fit in between the seat and the handlebars to hop on the bike!! 

About the rafting....I would research rafting companies, and stick to very calm waters (less chance the raft will tip because of rough water) and make sure you have a guide/wet suit/phone/ and any more safety equipment you would need. Personally, the thought of squeezing into a wet suit (and looking like a beached whale!!) would be more than enough deterrent!

I have no suggestions for the shoes. I struggle with that waaay too much. I have extra wide shoes and wear a size 11 1/2. Try and find anything cute in THAT size. Pbbffft!