Fear, Weightloss and the unknown

     One of the things I like to do, when I come to this site, is look at the before and after pictures.
sometimes it gives me encouragement, sometimes it makes me anxious and even feel what's the use. I am not young anymore, I don't want to look older, then I already am., but for the most part the pictures are good. 

     Today the pictures got me thinking, about fear and the fear of losing weight. I have, off and on thought maybe that's why I am still heavy. I must admit I have never been there. I do not know what it is like, not really. the lowest I have gotten is 214 lbs. most of my life has been, that and way, way above.

     Do you think, that is the problem with us?  Are we to comfortable in the skin we are in? I think for me; I am afraid of the unknown. A creature of habit, and I am stubborn (got that from my father's side) I have been told I am my own worst enemy.
    
      Why am I writing this: I was wondering: Why do you think your still fat? Why do you find excuses not to lose?  If you are slender now What does it feel like?  What has changed for you?  Do you feel more accountable  for yourself? How and what made you stop with the excuses?
( I have been crowned the excuse queen in my family.)

What  do you think, and what you have experienced?
Twilight

 I think this is a very good post! I have put some thought into this one myself! and I think I need to put a lot more thought into it still! I think for me I have a certain degree of anxiety over success, mainly because I have never achieved my weight loss goals and I am on a path now that I believe will finally get me their, which is wonderful, but that lingering thought of what will I do after I achieve my goal? is still at the end of the rainbow, I am not going to let this stand in my way however, I am going work it out and continue to walk the path, great post and I look forward to reading others thoughts on this!   

I don't subscribe to all this fear of weightloss psychobabble.  You can rationalize and make excuses to avoid anything that is difficult.  Taking your points, in order:

"I don't want to look older" - I hate to break this to you but fat people don't exactly look like the fountain of youth!  Most look older than their age.  Totally ridiculous rationalization.  Someone on another board rants constantly about how she got wrinkles after her weight loss - you can clearly see the same wrinkles in her "before" photo. 

"Are we comfortable in the skin we are in - are we afraid of the unknown"  - No, I can't imagine too many MO people are "comfortable."  And again, I don't buy into the argument that there is a fear of "thinness"..... 

"Do you find excuses not to lose?"  Sure.  There are millions of them.  I know, because I used and/or invented most of them. 

"What does it feel like being slender?"  I feel like I have the best life in the world.  I never knew I could be this happy and I never want it to end.   Everyone wants to be attractive and desirable and healthy.  For many of us here, that road is a long, difficult journey.  The key is to have dreams and never let go of the hope that it's possible.  If you lose your dreams then you lose your way.  Without goals you just thrash about in life never accomplishing anything.  You make excuses for all your failures and inability to complete what you start.  In the extreme, you rationalize that you don't really want to be thin because you might look "old," after all, rationalizing again, a fat appearence is a  youthful appearance! 

How has my life changed?  As I write this I am wearing a pair of size 6 skinny jeans, I have a date tonight with a very successful, handsome man 10 years younger than me.  I am leaving in 29 days for Europe to work for six weeks in the travel business.  I have doubled my income since my weight loss three years ago.  I am convinced that all these things would not have happened to me if I had not made the effort to lose the weight. 

Bottom line:  Change is not difficult.  Losing weight is hard.  The hardest part is getting started.

Ooh La La, Babs!  Ten years younger you say? 

Mary 

Lucky me!  I'm making up for all the time I lost to my obesity over the years....... and I make no apologies!  Life is great!

Must comment about the "looking older" thing too!

Fat does make us look matronly and wrinkles are inevitable. So, we do need to get over that one!

When I see very thin elderly people compared to very fat elders, all i think about is who lifts that person into bed or helps her up off the floor?

The other thing:  I don't see very many very fat elders...I fear they passed long before - or are most likely bed-ridden from failed joints in hips/knees/back/feet!

     Dear Big City Girl (Babs):

WOW!  One, Two punch, with a cross hook to an upper jaw.  Boy are you analytical. The funny part, is I too, am analytical, but my emotional side is bigger and more powerful. When I am in analytical mode nothing and no one can stand in my way, about my weight  loss, not even me. 
I need to get a handle, on my emotions. The ones, that keep me afraid and feeling sorry for myself (doing better).

In our last E-Mail response you said something about being afraid of thinness. I'd like to say: It's not the fear of thinness, it's the fear of what that thinness will/can bring about. ( I am also a creature of ha*****ange is hard for me.)

On another note, I am not afraid of winkles it's the  haggard look and hanging flesh ( surgery may not be an option.)

One thing your words did, is nudge my analytical bubble. It is now awakening from a long winters sleep. I pray it doesn't hit the snooze button.
Thank you for your input, it was appreciated

Twilight

Twilight,  Like I said, I was the queen of issues at  many times in my life and I really had to do some big time self-examination to figure out why I couldn't get off the dime and stay focused on my goals.  The problem was, I wasn't committed to goals back then. 

I wish you all the best..... I know what you're going through.  Babs

LOL...so many questions!

Are we to comfortable in the skin we are in? I call this being "complacent", ot may be a little too accepting of my body.  For me at this weight, I'm a rock's throw to goal (read here dream weight) about 35# too heavy for my frame. A lot of people are just this little bit fat. I have been fatter than this, and this is definitley better for reasons I will touch on later in this interview. 
  
Why do you think your still fat?  Because I get so caught up into NOW, and not wanting to wait for this tasty_____. I love food, it's become all about flavors, not stuffing my holes like when I abused it as a binge/purger.

Why do you find excuses not to lose?   The NOW thing, i am pretty sure.


If you are slender now What does it feel like? I'm not slender, but I am a lot less than before.  Keep reading....


What has changed for you?   With even that little to lose comparatively to others, I feel wonderful. I can buy clothes without even trying them on - this due to knowing what works and what doesn't - but mainly due to I look better in all clothes. Before when fatter, no matter what I bought, I felt unhappy in them, too lumpy here, there, everywhere. Constantly pulling, tugging, bra digging in, waist bands digging in, etc.  

Past the shallow shopping talk, I carry myself with lots more selfconfidence - and best of all:  I don;t think about ME, me, me. I can do my work, talk with peole and not feel "less than" or frumpy or all of the things I feel like when I am heavier.

Sidebar:  it occurred to me many times along this journey that when I'm fatter, i am far more self-involved.  I really do think about myself and pity myself, feel more paranoid and withdrawn, etc. When i'm thinner, i am more free to think and act on the behalf of others. Hmmm, which state is more useful to Society?  My family?


Do you feel more accountable  for yourself?  absolutely...I feel more in control, more "normal" with my food intake, appetite, etc.


How and what made you stop with the excuses? I saw an Oprah where Dr Oz had a real cadaver, sliced in half long-wise. The cadaver was obese - and I saw that white fat, called the omentum just blobby gobby and could just feel how large mine must be getting. I had never heard of that organ before.  When normal, it hangs like a bridal veil. When stuffed, it fills the belly cavity and literally chokes off the heart/lungs. It was very visual for me.

Hmmmm, very interesting conversation.  I never had a fear of losing the weight...I had a fear of NOT losing the weight! 

You said something about being comfortable in your own skin.  I wasn't big until my twenties, so I was VERY uncomfortable in my own skin when I was heavy.  At 320 pounds, I didn't recognize myself and I didn't identify one bit with the person in the mirror.  It took years for the docs to find a diagnosis of what was wrong with me, but boy once they did, I was on my way to get that stuff off of me. 

Now, being the stubborn creature of habit that you are, that does qualify you as your own worst enemy.  Changing your habits is what weight loss is all about.  You have to change what you eat.  The stuff you used to eat is what made you fat!  You have to change the way you think about food.  It's for nutrition, not to make you feel better.  You have to change your attitude about excuses.  There are no excuses in dieting.  One excuse leads to one donut, which leads to two donuts, which leads to all of your hard work out the window, which leads to feelings of defeat, which is unacceptable....so NO EXCUSES!  You have to change the way you think about exercise.  The body was made for motion and if you aren't getting up and shaking whatcha Mama gave ya, you're going to become a vegetable...nuff said. 

Bottom line, if you want to experience a change in your body, you have to experience a totally different lifestyle than the one that made you fat.  Life is about CHANGE, so get up off of your complacency and start a totally new life for yourself.  You'll be amazed at how much you will like such a person! 

Mary