OT: well sort of...kids obesity and stealing

I know I've talked about my son on here before.  Once again I need some thoughts and opinions.  Not sure if you all know, but he is a big boy and I'm trying hard to keep him from gaining any more weight, but so far have been unsuccessful.  Dh and I was just discussing it, and I think he's getting food elsewhere.  Anyhow, I'm having problems once again.

Well once again he was caught sneaking food.  This time it was FAST. My mom bought all of them baggies with some goodies in it.  Then I bought them a very little box of chocolates and a stuffed animal.  Well the very next morning when my teenager came home she said that he must of went in there and grabbed her candy, PLUS her other stash of candy that she had.  THEN my husband just put my teenage sons candy on his desk and within probably an hour his was half way gone too.  THEN  my son ate his candy I bought him, wich was four pieces.  He just got a spacer in his mouth and said one of the chocolate had carmel in it.  I told him to spit it out.  He whined BIG TIME that he only got three pieces of candy and it wasn't fair and he wanted more. Of course I didn't give him more, but dang he is out of control.

The doc said at this age (he is almost 12) that he has no self control.  Well...then what??  He's so bad at this!  I have to keep stuff in my room all the time because it's the only way he won't eat it.  I've tried adding protien to his meals, which the doc said to do, but he doesn't want it and he doesn't like eggs.  He eats carbs, carbs, and sugar...that is IT.  Along with hamburger.lol 

 But wihat just happened, this is stealing too yanno.  I'm trying to figure out how I should handle it.  Nothing in the past has seemed to work.  This kid after being grounded will go RIGHT back and do the SAME thing over again with no guilty conscious.....doesnn't matter  to him.  I'm so scared for the future with this kid.  I'm really stuck!

Any thoughts??  The doc is no help.

Holly, I don't know if I'm gonna be much help here, but I'll give it a try. As far as the stealing aspect of his overeating goes, does he try and steal from stores or other non-family people? I'm not trying to say that stealing from family isn't bad, but perhaps he doesn't see it as stealing? I used to take food without asking from my mom (who had a cupboard full of junk), sister, and brother, but I don't think I ever thought about it as stealing, more like borrowing without ever paying it back... (i know, whats the difference?) I'm only saying that he SHOULD be punished for it, but you shouldn't worry about him having a career as a theif, he probably doesn't view it as stealing. And have you tried grounding him from what he seems to like most, candy/junk?? Hit him where it hurts most. As far as getting him healthy, don't keep junk in the house!! (I know this is easier said than done, I'm struggling with it too) But I know you're trying to be healthier, and it wouldn't hurt your family to lay off of the junk either! And I know you mean well, but don't allow your mom or yourself to 'reward' them on holiday's with food! The bag of goodies and the small box of chocolates didn't do anything but feed his carb craving, and makes it harder for him to resist other carbs he know is in the house. I know this too, as a carb addict. You may say it's just a little, but it leads to such strong cravings that even as an adult I find hard to resist. I would just do the toy, card or special family time. Something that gets y'all outdoors (depending on weather) and active is best.  As far as the meals go, try limiting the amount of carbs the entire family eats. Make the carbs healthy vegetables and healthy meats/protiens. Don't serve anything else, And limit him to one serving of food and stick to it. If he gets hungry, he will eat what you serve because there won't be anything unhealthy in the house. If the whole family is eating heallthier, then he won't feel so singled out, even if its for his own good. I've been there and done that, and found that I just felt more abnormal and worthless. If your DH or other children have problems, sit them down (especially DH) and tell them that this is for everyones health. You're DH must have seen that your son has an eating problem, and hopefully he will be willing to change his eating habits for the good of his son.

These are just my thoughts, IMO. I know I'm not exactly an expert, far from it. And I'm struggling with following my recomendations too. Good luck, and take care!!

-Heather S.

Thanks Heather,

Sounds like you know where he's coming from.  I don't think he thinks of it as stealing either, but I just can't shake it that maybe it would help if we treat it that way yanno?  After all, to his siblings that IS the way they see it, because it's their stuff!   I don't know if it's the right thing to do or not, but I told him that he has to do something for his brother and sister now, basically to repay it back.  It's the only thing I haven't tried.  When he was smaller I did find a few episodes that he might have stolen things from the store if I didn't notice.  He also tkes change from people, so I'm thinking this is the only thing I can think of that might make him realize what he's doing wrong.

This boy is different than my other three kids.  He's "special" in all sorts of ways and it worries me.  For one his control over food.  It really worries me.  For that reason we do NOT keep junk food in the house that he can get a hold of.  It's sort of hard keeping junk out of the house with my seventeen year old and nineteen year old.  They pretty much do what they want, and even with that, they don't bring it home often.  Only reason why it was here is because it was Valentines day.  Something like this happens EVERY time we have it in the house.  My husband also keeps his stash here in the room with him IF he has anything.  Other than that believe it or not, I have one of the healthiest kitchens around.  My problem is eating out, and most of the time he's not with me.

I'm just totally confused on why he isn't losing any weight.  Now i know his portions aren't the best, but I don't think they are too bad.  I found out from my youngest that people are giving him their junk food at school.  That REALLY ****** me off.  I'm fighting for his life, so he doesn't have to fight this alone when he gets older.  Then he tells me when he spends the night (which is every weekend practically) they have eating contests, etc.  What can I do??  I can't bolt him too his room yanno.  This kid has wrappers, ect., all stuffed around his bed as it is.  I'm assuming from lunch because it's not from us.

It's hard because on here you hear from both sides of childhoods.  The ones who's parents put them on a diet, and the ones who don't.  Thing is, that BOTH think they were treated the wrong way, ever notice that?   I'm madder than hell that my parents didn't take more responsibility to at leat TRY to do something when the doc told them when I was in sixth grade that I could have a heart attack at any time.  They took it upon themselves and thought I would grow out of it.  Needless to say two out ofthree of us siblings firght with obesity.  I don't blame them anymore, just sort of irritates me that I don't even remember them trying.  So that is what I'm trying to do with my son.  I have respirtory ploblems and it's so cold here (live in Alaska) that I can't do many activities outside.  I've been trying to think if it really would be that bad to make it a family thing to do stuff in our little home gym.  Not sure if that would tell him...hey your getting fat, get on here.  Or if it would benefit him.  It's so hard to tell!  

Have you seen that boy that was taken away from his parents last year?  He was obese and the judge ruled that he went and lived with his father.  I saw it on the news a while back and man....that kid is slim now!  Makes me really wonder if it's all my fault, yanno?

Tough to be a parent, tough to make decisions for them effecting their lives.

I wouldn't see having family exercise time as detrimental to him, as long as you make it fun and focus on being healthy and not so much on loosing weight or being thin. My mom used to force me to excersise (belittling me the whole time) while my thin brother and sister made fun of me too. It was horrible. The whole experience would have been better without the taunting and if it was made into a fun activity that we all did together. I remember I used to love going on walks with my dad when I was younger, cuase it was time for just him and me to talk. It wasn't about excersise to me, even though thats what it was. It was about getting time with dad.  Also, I agree with Necee... Has he been tested for a thyroid problem or any sort of metabolical disorder? A simple blood test would rule those out. I don't know what you're insurance covers, but have you thought about counciling? Maybe there's an emotional reason he's overeating. I wish my parents would have put us in counciling when I was that age. Maybe I wouldn't be struggling with so many emotional issues now. Who knows?

What is interesting to me is this post made me flash back to my research into eating disorders. A very high number of folks who have ED's are also thieves. I was! I shoplifted from stores to a real detriment while I was a binge/purger.


I know how I felt with my younger DD (who had almost all these same traits) when she stole $10 out of my purse; she too was about 12. I got very much in her face on it and probably scared the **** outa her. I remember saying that this was our home and if we could not trust each other, what else is there, that I expected her loyalty to this home if nothing else. I told her that I would be setting traps for her - even taking 50 cents wihtout permission was not going to fly and she would see severe consequence ( I used to threaten taking everything out of her room - except one outfit and to buy her shoes at the salvation army). Somehow, she believed me on this.

The food stealing, she never quite got over. I eventually stopped buying anything but food you had to prepare from scratch - she would eat stuff like chips or candy til it ws gone, period.

For immediate consideration:  I wonder if he needs meds? I would treat this very seriously. I wish my kid had gotten on meds and counseling - that was one thing we did not ever try.

Is your husband more heavy handed?  I think he should handle all boy-related things and play the "you're a man card." My dad did all this type of stuff with my brother *****sponded lots better to ever disappointing him. My SIL is the last word for his sons and they snap righ tout of their playa ways when dad gets a hold of them. 

Somehow, moms get played more...is your house this way too?

Yes it is pretty much.  He's a mama's boy big time.  My dh is short handed with him and wants immediate action, where I don't.  He reminds me of disciplining in a military camp.lol  I feel bad for the kids, etc., so I yell at him to stop and I'll discipline.  You get the idea.  

My son has stole before here in the house now that I think about it. He has stole peoples money several times here in the house, and even a hundred dollars at one point.  I know he didn't know how much it was, but the consequences were the same.  This is a kind of kid that if you tell him to be home on time, he never does it.  Just because he's having too much fun.  He NEVER thinks of consequences.  Even if we take away his most precious items for a month afterward.  I've had it to where he will immediately do the same  thing over again right when he would get it back.  It really worries me.  So it does go further than with food.  He's been like this from day one.  I couldn't find him outside one day when he was five.  Scared the hell out of me being VERY cold outside.  It was dark and I was searching for him for a long time.  Suddenly he came in teh house and he told me he fell asleep.  He went under the porch and took a nap just so he didn't have to come inside!lol  Little turkey, that could have been serious with how coldit gets here!!  

It's wierd, at one point the doc said it was serious and we had to eval it with his teachers ect.  THen he decided it was alright and we never went any further.  Then another incident happened and he said to bring him in, and when we got there he just called it as being young and no self control.

He's a VERY good kid, he's so loveable and sweet.  But he just doesn't do rules well at ALL, and that includes food.  Not sure what to do at this point.

The doctor sounds like an indecisive nutcase. I would find a different one who wants to actually do something!!

His behavior sounds quite a bit like my daughter before she got on meds to help with impluse control. Do follow up with a psych consult.

Hmm, thanks for the info Patty.  I got to find a doc that thinks he needs help first though.  I'm scared at the same time because what if he does grow out if it yanno?  I am in the middle of new doctors, so I'll see what he has to say.

Thanks again.

I don't understand why family members have food stashes to begin with.  Growing up, we didn't keep sweets in the house 95% of the time, except for holidays.