Change...Are You Capable?

Hey Mary, I first want to say, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! This post is something all of us are going through or went through and are still battling. Today I have started facing and killing that evil!! Well I had the best V-day gift for the hubby I have had EVER!! We talked about me (which never happens) and I come out and let him know that I have been struggling and deep down I have convinced myself that I dont  deserve to be happy and healthy. Well he hugged me and told me I deserved this. I was surprised and happy, it was so refreshing and it assured me that he would be there to support me and love me. So, I have placed signs all over (places I see all day) saying " YOU DESERVE THIS, THERE ARE NO EXCUSES"!!! It has re-assured me that this is the right thing to do for me, and there are no excuses to make time to exercise each day.

P.S I didnt make my V-DAY goal, but I have made a new goal that I am commited to accomplishing!!!

Oh Trisha,  I'm so happy for you!  I told you that you deserve this, and I must be right if a fine fella like your husband agrees with me.  And who the hell cares about your VD goal, you've had an enormous breakthrough that will get you even farther.

Congratulations You!

Mary 

 

Thanks hun! I do have a great husband. I also have a great OH family that keeps me positive, and you that throws me into check when I need it! 
I got a good start this morning and I got the scale this morning since well......its been a couple of weeks. I was curious were I was. Well I think I gained then lost it again since I have started the plan again. Cause Im huvering between 230 and 229, WoooHoooo!! I am almost in the 220s I havent been there in over 4 years!! I so excited!!
I plan on making my official weigh ins on mondays so hopefully I will be completely 229 or under. But I am happy so far with how far I have come!!!!

Oh and your are right about the v-day goal!! I am not that upset about it, I am happy with other things I have accomplished!!

Mary, I'm just gonna hide under a chair for this one...   I believe that everyone is capable of change, its just a matter of working hard enough. I KNOW I keep sabatoging myself, and I know it doesn't make since, because I really really don't want to be the fat chick anymore. I guess my problem is that I don't really believe that I deserve this. I'm trying to work on that with my councilor. The best I can do is take it day by day.

OK, 'splain to me from underneath that chair why you don't deserve this.  You are one of the most sweetest and caring people on the planet...that right there qualifies you for all of the best and greatest that this world has to offer.  You'll never convince me that you don't deserve to be small enough to run and play with your daughter in the park.  Or to fit into a seat when you take her to an amusement park.  You deserve to be the best Mom that you already are...what you DON'T deserve is to continue to be the fat chick.  So think about it and get back to me.  Did somebody, somewhere, put it in your head that you don't deserve to be normal?  If so, tell me who and I'll kick their ass for you...cuz they'ze wrong!

Mary

Yeah, pretty much everyone in my life up till now; my parents, siblings, classmates through highschool, and later, boyfriends, ex-friends. It's only been recently that I've been able to surround myself with people who veiw me as worthy and deserving. I've had it pounded into my head so often that I don't deserve ANYTHING that deep down I believe it. Even though, at the same time, I'm telling myself that that's BS, I can do anything I put my mind to, and I am worthy! Its just getting those two halves to agree with the positive, healthy way of thinking. Gosh, I sound psychotic talking like that...

Thank you for your kind words, Mary! I'm going to try and hold on to them as I begin my plan, again.

This reminds me of a story about my aunt.  When I was about thirteen, she told me that I needed to go on a diet because I was getting fat.  That did HORRIBLE  things to the mind of a young girl.  I had no confidence in myself at all.  When I was older, and had looked at pictures of me when I was thirteen, I asked my aunt why she would tell me I was fat, even though I wasn't.  She said that's what she told all of the young girls so they wouldn't be full of themselves.  In her warped brain, it was perfectly acceptable to ruin the self esteem of another person, just to keep them from being confident!  Now that's mental abuse.  Add to that all of the things my mother said, and it's only by the grace of God that I'm not crazy.

But it takes time and a lot of work to recover from a lifetime of people telling you that you aren't good enough to measure up to their standards.  Start by realizing that ANYONE who would say such a thing to another human being is not worth listening to in the first place!  Such a person needs some serious psychological intervention for being capable of being so cruel.  It's sick and perverted to be cruel to someone just because they are not capable of defending themselves.  But Sweetie, you are no longer in that situation that you have to listen to that garbage.  Start allowing yourself to see how special you are.  Your intelligent, smart, funny, capable, caring, loving...and I only know this from an internet forum, so I know there has to be even more great things about ya.  You my dear DESERVE to be healthy and happy, and anybody saying anything different...including YOU, is full of manure!

Mary

 

Thanks Mary!! I needed to hear that.   Love you!!

Loves you back!  

Mary