How the Hell Are You?
Hi Mary! I'm glad to see you're doing so well! Way to go not listening to your DH and eating healthy. Way to go! I've been doing terrible. It started last friday, when my daughter had a friend over for a sleepover. I told myself that I would only eat off plan friday night. Then I ate bad Sat. and then it just snowballed from there. I went shopping and my house is full of unhealthy food, and I've been attacking the fast food places like they're going out of business. I've been stressed, but I've managed stress and stayed on plan before. The only thing that I could think of is that Valentines day is tomorrow and I hate that holiday. It brings up bad memories from my childhood and every year I don't have someone to spend it with makes me feel lonelier and lonelier. Not that that is an excuse. Its not. I'm in charge of my own eating habits, and what I put in my mouth. I've been feeling so crummy eating off plan, and every night I swear that i'm gonna get back on plan, and then every morning I mess up and then say oh well the day is lost, might as well keep eating. I don't know what to do, how to help myself. 
HW: 460 (12/18/14) SW: 419 (6/4/15) CW: 330 (10/19/15) Mini goal: 319 by 10/4/15
Oh no, this issa notso good that you have gone this long putting horrible things in your body! And in your daughter's body, too. The good thing is that you recognized your trigger...loneliness. Why are you lonely? Because of your weight. Why are you overweight? Because you eat like there are no consequences. What makes this acceptable to your brain? It's acceptable as a coping mechanism to help you deal with the loneliness.
So we see how you got stuck in this vicious cycle, but how do you get out of it? Do you want to be lonely forever, because that's the way you are eating. You are eating the way a fat lonely girl eats. If you truly deep down in your heart don't want to be lonely, you are going to have to put on your big girl drawze and take responsibility for some big honkin' serious changes in how you look at food.
"Fattening food is keeping you lonely!" It makes you a failure in your own mind which strips you of all of your self worth and takes away your confidence in your own abilities. And chemically processing this junk just brings your mind and body further down, so stop what you are doing now.
The first thing to is get back on your plan whether you "feel" like it or not. Lawd knows the damage you have done being led by your "feelings". And no more of that excuse of having to eat the rest of the crap because you can't afford the healthy food. You bought that crap when you were in a bad state of mind...throw it out while you are still lucid. I don't care if you have to eat tuna out of the can, ditch that mess!
Now, be prepared to go through sugar withdrawals and feeling like death warmed over...butcha got your big girl drawze on to remind you that this is the price you pay for your actions. The way you eat has CONSEQUENCES. Make a note and put it where you can read it over and over again! Eating bad=lonely fat girl. Eating good=strong confidant slim chick. It's that simple.
You thought that was the hard part, but youze wrong. The hard part comes when your inner child wants the crap back. When she is screaming in your head that the diet is making you sick and carbs will make you feel better. I know cuz I've been dealing with it all day. I didn't eat pure junk for two weeks after my surgery, but it certainly wasn't low carb. I can't wait to get over this three days of misery so I can get back to feeling like my old healthy happy self. We'll do this together. Tomorrow is just another day on the calendar. Mark it in bold letters as the day you started your plan for the rest of your life.
Healthy food is to nurture your body and fuel it's functions. It's up to you to nurture your soul with love and acceptance. Yes, you are in a bad place physically and emotionally. It's up to you to convince yourself that you are willing to do the hard work it will take to get you to a better place. Get headed in the right direction and hold on by the skin of your teeth to your wagon! It's a long journey, but you are not the only one who has ever been in the place you are in now. This has been done before and we're known as the successful ones. My prayer for you Sweet Baby is that you will join our ranks. It's your call.
Mary
So we see how you got stuck in this vicious cycle, but how do you get out of it? Do you want to be lonely forever, because that's the way you are eating. You are eating the way a fat lonely girl eats. If you truly deep down in your heart don't want to be lonely, you are going to have to put on your big girl drawze and take responsibility for some big honkin' serious changes in how you look at food.
"Fattening food is keeping you lonely!" It makes you a failure in your own mind which strips you of all of your self worth and takes away your confidence in your own abilities. And chemically processing this junk just brings your mind and body further down, so stop what you are doing now.
The first thing to is get back on your plan whether you "feel" like it or not. Lawd knows the damage you have done being led by your "feelings". And no more of that excuse of having to eat the rest of the crap because you can't afford the healthy food. You bought that crap when you were in a bad state of mind...throw it out while you are still lucid. I don't care if you have to eat tuna out of the can, ditch that mess!
Now, be prepared to go through sugar withdrawals and feeling like death warmed over...butcha got your big girl drawze on to remind you that this is the price you pay for your actions. The way you eat has CONSEQUENCES. Make a note and put it where you can read it over and over again! Eating bad=lonely fat girl. Eating good=strong confidant slim chick. It's that simple.
You thought that was the hard part, but youze wrong. The hard part comes when your inner child wants the crap back. When she is screaming in your head that the diet is making you sick and carbs will make you feel better. I know cuz I've been dealing with it all day. I didn't eat pure junk for two weeks after my surgery, but it certainly wasn't low carb. I can't wait to get over this three days of misery so I can get back to feeling like my old healthy happy self. We'll do this together. Tomorrow is just another day on the calendar. Mark it in bold letters as the day you started your plan for the rest of your life.
Healthy food is to nurture your body and fuel it's functions. It's up to you to nurture your soul with love and acceptance. Yes, you are in a bad place physically and emotionally. It's up to you to convince yourself that you are willing to do the hard work it will take to get you to a better place. Get headed in the right direction and hold on by the skin of your teeth to your wagon! It's a long journey, but you are not the only one who has ever been in the place you are in now. This has been done before and we're known as the successful ones. My prayer for you Sweet Baby is that you will join our ranks. It's your call.
Mary
I'm so scared of change. I'm sure thats part of the reason I keep sabatoging myself...and thats what it is. I do so well for awhile, then I fall right off the wagon. Some how I have to convince myself that this change is GOOD. That I DESERVE this. Because I don't believe it. I'm working with my councilor about why I find it so hard to make some of the simplest desisions if they concern me and only me. Somehow, we discovered it has to do with my severe dislike for change, and unwillingness to show vunerability to people. It's a protection mechanisim that I develeoped growing up in an emotionally abusive household. I've been the lonely fat girl since second grade, and that hasn't changed much since then. It's a comfortable thing to be, even if it's painful and I hate it.
I'm going to go through and throw away all the junk right now. While I'm at it I should clean up. When I get like this I let everything go. *sigh* I need Jillian AND Bob to kick my sorry a** in shape!!
I'm going to go through and throw away all the junk right now. While I'm at it I should clean up. When I get like this I let everything go. *sigh* I need Jillian AND Bob to kick my sorry a** in shape!!
HW: 460 (12/18/14) SW: 419 (6/4/15) CW: 330 (10/19/15) Mini goal: 319 by 10/4/15
Sweetie, did you READ what you just typed? Being the lonely fat girl is a comfortable thing to be...even if it's painful and I hate it. That's like a baby in a wet diaper! Not happy about the situation, but hey, whatta ya gonna do? 
I know that you are very young, and your childhood, like mine, was not exactly "ideal". But you know what, like it or not...you are an adult now! And you know what else? YOU are responsible for how you will or will not let what people do or say affect you. You are no longer a victim, and it's time to stop acting like one. There is no equation for this, you just soldier up and do it. Don't you know that ALL soldiers have their big girl pants on??? 
So get ready for some big changes! It's painful and there are times you will hate it, but hey, that's exactly the same thing you said about not changing.
And speaking of soldiering up and maturing...show some discipline and clean your barracks! An organized life is a more efficient life...it leaves you with more time to prepare and cook your healthy meals! 
Mary
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