I sort of just got a slap in the face tonight
As you all know I read everything in sight regarding weight loss. The past few weeks I"ve been focusing more on reading low carb/high protien w/out fat.... ways for weight loss. I read it all. You all know I'm scared of this way of eating, so I thought I would read more on it. I have the books right here after all! :) I've been seeing how I feel eating less carbs a little here and there also to see how my breathing and allergies do. Since it seems diet reflects both problems so much.
So tonight while I was lurking on this forum I opened up my mouth and told my dh that "maybe I should concentrate more on low carb instead of concentrating on calories." I was just talking, no decisive decision yanno.....just talking and I felt he knew it.
He immediately looked over at me and rolled his eyes and told me "you can't do that, you won't last." Then he told me if I ate like that I would feel icky from not having any carbs. Just the tone in his voice immedieatly made me put up my gaurd. I felt crushed, ashamed, and instantly all I could vision is years of my dad telling me that I "can't do anything." It got to me so much I had to go take a long shower so I could cry.
It's been several hours and I'm still pissed, and I still keep thinking about my dad telling me I can't succeed in anything. That always crushed me, as I just heard it from my husband and it all came rolling back. Now that I sit here thinking it, this was one of my biggest things my ex use to do to me also. But he was just plain mean, crude, and plain evil about it all.
Bahh..just venting. For some reason I just can't seem to shake it. I just feel totally useless at this minute between what he said and what memories he brought back. How wonder I don't succeed or even hate to mention if I want to try something new because I have been told repeatedly I won't succeed! If I fail, which I seem to have fallen into that path the last few years...it just proves them right. Maybe that's why I don't try harder, since they've all told me I'll fail anyway so what's the use.
Bahh, I'm probably thinking too much into this. It just really got to me tonight.
BTW, do some research on low fat low carb. There are actually issues with that. You might want to not fear fat instead.
I think that is what started it. He is usually SO understanding and caring toward me that I expected a little more nicer response. But I'm over it now. :) Think I was most aggrevated with my thoughts of my dad than anything. But maybe not, because I gave dh the cold shoulder until the next day.lol Don't push my buttons boy! hehe But I'm over it and all is well.
Yanno..I actually haven't done much research on lowfat/low carb. Just "low fat", but not both except for SB. Everything seems to bring me to the higher fat intake. I'll probably do more research on the lower fat today in my spare time. Last week I ate a little higher in fat and protien while not eating as much carbs as I usually do. This weekend though I did't and I still lost, so that was sort of inspiring. :)
I started thinking about how much fat intake I normally take in when I'm not trying to lose weight. I started adding it up and I couldn't believe it. Well ok..I could believe it, but I started thinking to myself that what is the difference in the fat intake when I already eat it anyways! KWIM? And of course a lot of that fat isn't of coures.... healthy fats. So that is what acutally got me started thinking, and looking more into it.
I do have to say though that dh is right on the carb part. I'm an addict big time. One day without and I feel sicker than a dog. Just not sure how that would work, and I don't want to start a binge or not stay with it. So I need to do more research and maybe find some kind of way, some kind of plan..something?!?! Not sure yet...
The shower is my place of choice for crying and solace as well, I would encourage you to share all of this with your husband, take something that could be used to drive a wedge between you and use it to make your relationship stronger, maybe once he knows how you are feeling about it, he can help encourage you and be your support system rather than bringing you down, I am so sorry that you were told growing up that you "couldn't do anything" that is a lie! Im so sorry to hear that it was fed to you by your own father, none of us are perfect and parenting is a hard job for sure, But what your dad told you is just plain untrue! you can do this and anything you set your mind to! take something that brought you "down" and find your strength in it, you can do this holly! this is all part of the journey to healing!
Funny thing is my dad didn't tell me that often. He said a few cruel words here and there, but really not much. Just shows you to be careful what to say to your kids eh? Really leaves a big impact on a person. As for my husband, he really is a great guy. We talk about everything, and he was being honest. Could have been a little nicer though. :) He was sick and being a typical guy grumpy when being sick. I hate it when he's sick.lol Wonder what makes them think they are so different at that time??ha
on 2/8/09 12:42 am
I'm sorry that what your husband said brought back those memories of your daddy's cruelty. You aren't a failure for many reasons and one of them is that you ARE aware of your diet and you're trying to find something that will work for you.
Letting go of that hurt will help you with your eating plan. It doesn't mean you have to forget, but it does mean that you can't let it determine whether you succeed (or fail). We've all been hurt by others and it continues throughout our life but the way we react to it can be different.
I think you demonstrate (and your husband's comment demonstrates) that you are probably an "all or nothin" gal, as many of us are, especially with our diet. I tend to be that way but I've learned to temper that which has helped not only my success in weight loss/maintenance but also my general happiness. You don't have to follow ANY plan PERFECTLY. Cut yourself some slack, girlfriend!
Don't allow anyone else to determine your success. YOU are in control of your destiny and you CAN be successful.
Kim
Or not, of course. LOL. Sometimes that sub conscious gets whiny and is merely programmed to respond on a deep emotional level to certain stimuli. Old hurts do take forever to subside, if ever.
So, of course, it won't hurt to spend time on examintation.
WHY, for example, do you get hurt/pissed on that? Do you own some part of their accusation? Are you very long on plans and short on action? Are you actually angry at yourself when you see that old pattern re-emerging where you are gung ho, and just as quickly, bummed out and back to Square One?
Are these people who criticize you so lost in their own pain that they use abuse to keep you down? Sort those people out and ask more questions of the one who does not lash out out of his/her pain. In your case, it probably is your current DH, so ask him more questions about what he thinks about you and your weight struggles.
Listen to him with your ego aside. His words may hurt you, or not...but regardless, try to observe how you react as though it is not you - as though that injured person is a child/sister/friend who you are concerned about.
Most of all, whatever he says is HIS perception. He may be wrong, he may be so right it hurts, you have to sort that out.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
Oh Necee, I didn't like your post.lol You said too many things that is true that I don't like about myself. Shame on you for bringing all that stuff up. hehe
Yea, yea, I let my inner whiny self get the best of me. I'm still having a hard time with the loss of my dad on occasion. I'm almost thinking it's because I lost my brother in law the very next year (last year if you remember) . So for some reason my fathers death has resurfaced. I don't know. Anyhow, he really was a good guy, just was a VERY strict father, and extremely old fashioned. He didn't say mean things often, but he was an alcoholic and that got the best of him on occasion.
