Saying Goodbye To Your Best Friend
I read the later posts after my childhood revelations. I have a wonderful relationship with my mother now, who is still alive. I held back my feelings for my father while he was alive for so long because I blasted him with how much I hated him after I'd had primal therapy and in my 20's. I knew I wasn't supposed to confront him that way, but my feelings were so strong, I just belted him one!
The result of this was predictable. He was terribly stunned and hurt by my feelings at that time, and he told me later on that it took him years to get over that. That's why I held them back from then on - out of love for him, in spite of his abuse of me. It always amazes me that in spite of abuse from parents, we can still love them anyway.
As for forgiveness, I'll find it alot easier once I'm farther along on my weight loss and exercise path, once I'm not quite so obsessed with food. I am still suffering from the effects of my father's abuse today, which is why I'm not ready to just forgive him. Once the suffering is past, then I'll be able to let go of all the anger I have for him.
I know my parents didn't deliberately set out to abuse and damage me. They were both immature and emotionally ill people themselves, so how could they raise me to be an adult, when they weren't adults, emotionally? I'm having to get the rest of my maturity elsewhere, since they couldn't provide what I needed when I was growing up.
I've tried deliberately forgiving my parents in the past. It just hasn't stuck. I think for me, forgiveness will be a gradual and unconscious thing that will occur once my life has radically improved. Only then, will I be able to let go of them, and be at peace with what happened in the past.
Denise Phares/kitties4
The result of this was predictable. He was terribly stunned and hurt by my feelings at that time, and he told me later on that it took him years to get over that. That's why I held them back from then on - out of love for him, in spite of his abuse of me. It always amazes me that in spite of abuse from parents, we can still love them anyway.
As for forgiveness, I'll find it alot easier once I'm farther along on my weight loss and exercise path, once I'm not quite so obsessed with food. I am still suffering from the effects of my father's abuse today, which is why I'm not ready to just forgive him. Once the suffering is past, then I'll be able to let go of all the anger I have for him.
I know my parents didn't deliberately set out to abuse and damage me. They were both immature and emotionally ill people themselves, so how could they raise me to be an adult, when they weren't adults, emotionally? I'm having to get the rest of my maturity elsewhere, since they couldn't provide what I needed when I was growing up.
I've tried deliberately forgiving my parents in the past. It just hasn't stuck. I think for me, forgiveness will be a gradual and unconscious thing that will occur once my life has radically improved. Only then, will I be able to let go of them, and be at peace with what happened in the past.
Denise Phares/kitties4
I cannot answer that intelligently or lucidly. I can offer up random thoughts:
Today, food does make me feel better b/c I do not eat so much that it bursts my gut.
Before, remember that when I overate, i would purge it.
Maybe the taste of it was the attraction/draw.
I can tell you that the allure and that promise that it would fix whatever was wrong was what I sought. It never delivered.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
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