Saying Goodbye To Your Best Friend

So as most of you know, I had my last round of plastics and while I have been recovering, I have been doing some heavy heavy 'drug induced' soul searching about my life long relationship with food.  Either I've had an epiphany, or this will just be the erratic musings of a junkie!  If you decide to read further, remember I had my last Vicodin at couple of hours ago. 

All of my life, food has been there for me.  It was the one way that my parents showed any love...when they cooked for me.  Or is that what I perceived in my immature mind?  Food became my best friend.  It was ALWAYS there to make me feel better, no matter what, it never let me down.  When I was sick I got chicken soup and ice cream.  When Mama was in a good mood, we got pie, when she was hateful, we got nothing, so of course my brain equated happy with pie.  And because I made friends with the perfect family down the street...think Ozzie and Harriet, whenever I got to eat with them, I was in heaven.  When I started working and was having a crappy day, Popeye's fried chicken was like a nerve pill that calmed me.  And when I was on a diet, the stress of not having my best friend to help me cope was just too much to bear.  I needed comfort from my best friend more than I needed the stress.  Why even bother with my psychological issues when I already had a coping mechanism, my old pal...food, glorious food.  We were thick as thieves and having a high old time, and when I learned to cook our relationship got even better.  Once I could afford things like Godiva chocolates and fancy coffees, and steak and lobster, me and my best friend had hit the big leagues!

But then, all of a sudden, I gained a hundred pounds in a year.  Of course it wasn't that bad, I ate my feelings down, same as always.  But there came a fateful day that I went to see an evil little man (a doc), who told me that my best friend in the whole wide world was no good for me and I was hanging with a bad crowd.  Surely, this can't be true???  But I could see his point...at least on the surface.  So I decided that the solution would be to spend less time with my best friend, and see how that worked for me.  Nope, not working.  Then I found out that I had PCOS and was insulin resistant and that what that doc had said about my best friend was true. I had to give up sugar and starch or risk becoming type 2 diabetic.  It took a while to process this, but I finally reached the conclusion that my best friend was an illusion, the product of a child's mind, used as a coping mechanism.  But even though the relationship was toxic, how could I possibly turn my back on such a lifelong friendship.  It's never easy to do because it's what I've been familiar with my whole life.  But as with all toxic relationships, if you are not moving farther away from them, they will always pull you back.  So I got the adult in me to reassure the child in me that doing the right thing for my health had nothing to do with coping with life stresses.  The two should no longer be connected.  If I'm hungry I eat healthy food to fuel my body and my workouts.  If I am experiencing stress or angst or self doubt, I deal with the issue with brutal honesty, no telling myself lies, it is what it is...deal with it.  The good news is that the more you practice doing the right thing, the more familiar doing the right thing becomes, and old habits fall by the wayside, to be replaced with mature behaviors. 

My relationship with food has changed dramatically and I no longer see it as something of which I'm denied.  I see it for it's nutritional value and how it affects my body.  Funny how once I let my body tell me how food affects it, it's no longer acceptable to me to fuel a workout on junk.  Hey, I think this means I have become nutrionally mature...'bout damn time!

Mary     

Mary - even with viodin you have great insights into the codependency issues we develope with food. I always learn so much from your posts! I know then I eat poorly it's because my child wants that sticky sweet stuff and my adult has given in again. I have to wonder how long I have to go on until I too can say I'm nutrionally mature! I will just keep reading my DANA book and make the big shift as soon as I can.

Hey Jan...that Dr. Atkins sure was longwinded, no?  But I've read everything he's said several times over and my DANDR book is so worn out, I really should invest in a new one.  Keep reading girl, you'll learn something new every time.

I used to have the same problem that you are having.  My inner child was a litle brat that wanted what she wanted when she wanted it.  Sometimes it was just easier to give into her than to deal with her bad attitude!  But then I realized that one of us was going to have to be 'the Boss', and it damned sure couldn't be HER.  The good news is that every time I calmed her down enough to reassure her that she wasn't going to die if we didn't eat candy (she's very dramatic), the easier it was for her to accept the fact that she wasn't going to get her way.  Stay strong my sister...you'll wear her out eventually!

Mary

I was just looking at the Atkins website about sugar alcohols and all those fakes that sucker you into thinking the really aren't that bad for you. I found a low carb dark chocolate bar at Trader Joe's that has 5 net carbs per oz. It's dark so I don't eat as much since it makes me SO happy. But I'm pretty sure that I really should not be eating any of it! But it is such a lovely escape from the stress I carry home from work.

Yep, you have to watch those sugar alcohols like a hawk.  And also remember that if you are going to eat one, it should be sweetened with Splenda.  Have you tried the Atkins Indulge bars?  I limit mine to no more than one a day, just to get my chocalate fix if I need one, but after so many years of studying nutrition, I try to eat as natural as possible.  All of that processed stuff can slow your weight loss cuz they have so much sodium and no nutritional value.  That being said, any Atkins approved chocolate is a good thing!

Mary

I had a question... I like to chew gum, it gives my mouth something to do other than eat! But even the sugar free gums have 1 carb/serving, but it's from sugar alcohols. Do I count it? Cuz If I do, I'm getting my 20 carbs in in gum!

Sugar free gum = Evil.  You are only allowed three servings of artificial sweetener a day, from Splenda.  And sugar free gum is made with malitol and sorbitol, a form of sugar gases guaranteed to make you bloat.  Nothing 'natural' or nutritious bout gum!  Are you getting in at least 15 grams of carbs in a day from veggies?  Celery with cream cheese is crunchy, yanno?

Mary

Well, I might just have to be evil then. I get a really bad dry mouth, from the different medicines I'm on. I've found that gum or something to suck on helps, my mouth gets so dry I gag. I try and drink tons of water which helps too, but my water pill keeps me peein all day cuz of that. i don't know what else to do. If gum is evil, then I'm thinking sugar free hard candies are even worse... do you have any suggestions???

In a pinch, you could suck on a Listerine PocketPaks breath strip.  It's sweetened with sucralose (Splenda) and doesn't have the other crazy ingredients the gum has.  They are thin and it only takes a half of a strip to get rid of the dry mouth.  The cinnamon is zingy and leaves your breath smelling fresh...dang, it's starting to sound like a commercial up in here!

Mary

LOL maybe you should contact them about making their comercials mary!   I'll try that and see how it works, I wish there was a company that made gum with splenda!