What Have You Done Today to Make You Feel Proud? "Cheating"
I'm proud that I got my bathroom cleaned within an inch of it's life today. It is what I call, surgically clean. Everything has been scrubbed with Lysol, the mirrors are squeaky clean, and the furniture in there has been polished. All that's left is to sanitize some towels in the washer and steam a few weeks worth of clothes and that part is ready for me to be down for a while.
Now there is something that's been on my mind and I wanted to run it past my peeps. Years ago, when I went to group hypnotherapy, our therapist talked about positive reinforcement. She believed that what we heard come out of our mouths was reinforced in our minds. For example, saying that you 'lost' 20 pounds implies to your mind that you have to find it. So we were taught to say that we had 'taken off' 20 pounds. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for 15 people to get used to that!
Right now I am having issues with the term 'cheated'...as in I cheated on my diet. This to me implies that you did a bad bad thing, and you should be punished for it. In my ears, it sounds so harsh. I prefer to think that in order for this weight loss thing to work, we need to be very nurturing to ourselves. But for some, they seem to be so hard on themselves when they have an indiscretion...or two, that they end up beating themselves up way more than is necessary. What their mind hears is that they were bad, which implies failure.
I think that whenever we have a lapse in judgement, we need to instantly move forward and learn from our mistakes. If we don't move forward, we become stagnant. If we don't learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them.
When we go off plan, it is a conscious decision to commit this act. Who are we cheating besides ourselves. So I'm in search of a new term to use instead of 'cheating'. Any suggestions?
Mary
Now there is something that's been on my mind and I wanted to run it past my peeps. Years ago, when I went to group hypnotherapy, our therapist talked about positive reinforcement. She believed that what we heard come out of our mouths was reinforced in our minds. For example, saying that you 'lost' 20 pounds implies to your mind that you have to find it. So we were taught to say that we had 'taken off' 20 pounds. You wouldn't believe how hard it was for 15 people to get used to that!
Right now I am having issues with the term 'cheated'...as in I cheated on my diet. This to me implies that you did a bad bad thing, and you should be punished for it. In my ears, it sounds so harsh. I prefer to think that in order for this weight loss thing to work, we need to be very nurturing to ourselves. But for some, they seem to be so hard on themselves when they have an indiscretion...or two, that they end up beating themselves up way more than is necessary. What their mind hears is that they were bad, which implies failure.
I think that whenever we have a lapse in judgement, we need to instantly move forward and learn from our mistakes. If we don't move forward, we become stagnant. If we don't learn from our mistakes, we are doomed to repeat them.
When we go off plan, it is a conscious decision to commit this act. Who are we cheating besides ourselves. So I'm in search of a new term to use instead of 'cheating'. Any suggestions?
Mary
That term is a pet peeve of mine. It does certainly imply something wrong. I call it "eating off plan" and yeah, okay, we can work on a more trendy term!
On that other board I post on, we have a thread called "you didn't fall off the wagon". I say that when we go "off plan" it is a very conscious decision to do so.
Likewise, I cannot really take it when someone says the high carby/sugary food made me do it. Bu-u-u-u-ll****
Call it what it is:
a sugar response,
bad planning.
self indulgence.
a whim...
...whatevah..that food did not jump into yo' mouth. YOU put it there.
This is very complex, cuz as we have oft said, it takes a strict commitment in the beginning of the way of eating. So, if one is at that stage, I guess it is indeed a cheat.
In maintenance, it is called off plan - a designated stop in the WOE. hey, how does "Designated Stop" sound?
I like the idea to re-work some of the old language that we all can get tripped up in. In writing affirmations, one must write in positive terms, in present tense and as though it is happening or has happened.
Not great is, as you say, terms like: "lost weight" "don't feel hungry"
Better translations may be: "I am at a healthy weight" and the "food i choose satifies me and gives me energy."
Hmmmmmm, good stuff.
On that other board I post on, we have a thread called "you didn't fall off the wagon". I say that when we go "off plan" it is a very conscious decision to do so.
Likewise, I cannot really take it when someone says the high carby/sugary food made me do it. Bu-u-u-u-ll****
Call it what it is:
a sugar response,
bad planning.
self indulgence.
a whim...
...whatevah..that food did not jump into yo' mouth. YOU put it there.
This is very complex, cuz as we have oft said, it takes a strict commitment in the beginning of the way of eating. So, if one is at that stage, I guess it is indeed a cheat.
In maintenance, it is called off plan - a designated stop in the WOE. hey, how does "Designated Stop" sound?
I like the idea to re-work some of the old language that we all can get tripped up in. In writing affirmations, one must write in positive terms, in present tense and as though it is happening or has happened.
Not great is, as you say, terms like: "lost weight" "don't feel hungry"
Better translations may be: "I am at a healthy weight" and the "food i choose satifies me and gives me energy."
Hmmmmmm, good stuff.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
From lowcarbfriends thread:
"Food can be an adventure; that trip is what we make of it. It's not about judging others; this is your personalized trip planner.
It's not about gorging ourselves with tasty choices. It's not about 100% denial. It's not about guilt.
It is about knowing your body and what types of fuel it needs. It is about being with family/friends and sharing nourishing appealing food. It is knowing where your line is."
^^^ Great post. I like this thread b/c it reminds me of "The Thin Commandments"...The following is an excerpt from that book:
The "I blew it" syndrome...
*Sets up an impossible tension in your life: that you have to be either perfect or a failure
*Lets your mental screen go blank, so you shut down everything that you've learned about food management
*Lets mistakes pile up, which drowns your motivation, skews your perspective, and overwhelms your willpower
*Destroys focus on your eating and weight control. (Studies all show that staying focused on your eating behavior is what makes you a winner.)
*Is self-defeating. It cuts off learning from the mistake and locks you into a pattern of repeating it
*Only helps you learn that you're gaining weight, which is obvious
*Ruins your chance to cut off the mistake and keep any weight gain small and temporary
*Keeps you from proving to yourself that you can stop and correct the error, a tremendous source of empowerment
*Turns a few minutes of unwise eating into something that will take days, months, or even years to make up for. It's not time efficient
*Paralyzes you into a mode of helplessness that lets one mistake end up becoming thousands of calories
*Doesn't do justice to your intelligence, your life smarts
*Doesn't make you lose weight; it only makes you lose hope. Cutting off the error does the opposite: It builds hope and gives you power
*Doesn't answer the most important question of all: What went wrong in this situation, and what could I do differently?
"Food can be an adventure; that trip is what we make of it. It's not about judging others; this is your personalized trip planner.
It's not about gorging ourselves with tasty choices. It's not about 100% denial. It's not about guilt.
It is about knowing your body and what types of fuel it needs. It is about being with family/friends and sharing nourishing appealing food. It is knowing where your line is."
^^^ Great post. I like this thread b/c it reminds me of "The Thin Commandments"...The following is an excerpt from that book:
The "I blew it" syndrome...
*Sets up an impossible tension in your life: that you have to be either perfect or a failure
*Lets your mental screen go blank, so you shut down everything that you've learned about food management
*Lets mistakes pile up, which drowns your motivation, skews your perspective, and overwhelms your willpower
*Destroys focus on your eating and weight control. (Studies all show that staying focused on your eating behavior is what makes you a winner.)
*Is self-defeating. It cuts off learning from the mistake and locks you into a pattern of repeating it
*Only helps you learn that you're gaining weight, which is obvious
*Ruins your chance to cut off the mistake and keep any weight gain small and temporary
*Keeps you from proving to yourself that you can stop and correct the error, a tremendous source of empowerment
*Turns a few minutes of unwise eating into something that will take days, months, or even years to make up for. It's not time efficient
*Paralyzes you into a mode of helplessness that lets one mistake end up becoming thousands of calories
*Doesn't do justice to your intelligence, your life smarts
*Doesn't make you lose weight; it only makes you lose hope. Cutting off the error does the opposite: It builds hope and gives you power
*Doesn't answer the most important question of all: What went wrong in this situation, and what could I do differently?
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
My favorite things is what you said about calling it a sugar response. You're right, carbs/sugary foods did not make one stuff them in ones face. That is the perfect example of a conscious decision to break the commitment to yasself and eat something that is going to stick directly to ya ass! But we all know that once you eat those things, it will make you crave more of the same. Giving into ones carb cravings only begets more more carb cravings. Maybe we should call that a case of "the Begats". It begats all over my butt! 
Mary
Mary
(deactivated member)
on 1/19/09 9:45 am
on 1/19/09 9:45 am
Great posts Mary and Neecee!
So, don't you have to put on what you take off? How's that different than losing something and then finding it? And don't call me a smartass. 
The use of the word "cheating" as it relates to food is an eating disordered behavior. What I call it is moderation and my plan has that built in so I don't "cheat" on my plan. Yep, sometimes I go off plan, it's absolutely a conscious decision and usually it's planned so that's still on plan....but when it isn't, I just get back on plan at the next meal....and 'cuz that's my plan, I don't "cheat". I think I'm writing in circles. 
We are not victims of obesity or overeating or eating off plan. We put the food in our mouths, we control our lives and thus have to take responsibility for the consequences of our behavior and actions.
**climbing off my soap box**
It took me many years to realize this and to incorporate it into my life. I'm not perfect at it but I've made a commitment to myself to live a happy, satisfied life and an eating disorder doesn't fit into that strategy.
Kimmie, since you are asking a valid question, I won't call you a smartass...This Time. But, we both know that is subject to change at any moment!
Positive reinforcement is meant to change the negative things that constantly surround us that we are familiar with, but we aren't aware that they are affecting us negatively. We have been taught the term losing weight our whole lives, so that is the term that needs changing to trick the mind. We aren't familiar with the term taking it off, so it doesn't impact us negatively. Geesh, ya went and made me get all technical. I hate getting all technical.
Mary
Positive reinforcement is meant to change the negative things that constantly surround us that we are familiar with, but we aren't aware that they are affecting us negatively. We have been taught the term losing weight our whole lives, so that is the term that needs changing to trick the mind. We aren't familiar with the term taking it off, so it doesn't impact us negatively. Geesh, ya went and made me get all technical. I hate getting all technical.
Mary
Interesting post, Mary. And great input, you guys.
We all know what "cheating" is if you're married, or involved with someone. So, if I have decided to have a long-term relationship with healthy foods, and I hop in bed with a cheeseburger, that's definitely cheating! Food adulterer!
I often stray from my plan. One thing that makes this easy is that I can stay within 5 pounds of my desired body weight without much thought. It's not something I'm proud of. But there is one very good thing about that! We don't keep the high sugar, high fat, unhealthy foods in the house. So when I "overindulge" or "stray", it's for more raw almonds, or whole grain pita chips or extra hummus or.... you understand.
Those who are controlling health and weight through nutritional cleansing and concentrated nutrition refer to weight loss as "releasing pounds and inches". That creates, for me, a mental picture of allowing them to leave. "Bye bye, roll of fat around my waist. I don't need you anymore".
As to your search for new terms, Mary - why not borrow from Jeff Olson's 'Slight Edge' philosophy and say "I made a simple error in judgement" or "I practiced a simple discipline". A simple error in judgement is saying "yes" to McD's once. Repeated, and compounded over time, the effect is to bring death to the body. A simple discipline is to choose an organic lettuce salad over the McD rush. That simple discipline, repeated and compounded over time, will change and possibly save your life. Does either action affect your life in a major way with one incident? No way! But both are choices, and both lead to consequences.
Right now I'm choosing a simple error in judgement and doing this rather than catching up on my laundry!!!! That error in judgement, repeated, and compounded over time.....
We all know what "cheating" is if you're married, or involved with someone. So, if I have decided to have a long-term relationship with healthy foods, and I hop in bed with a cheeseburger, that's definitely cheating! Food adulterer!
I often stray from my plan. One thing that makes this easy is that I can stay within 5 pounds of my desired body weight without much thought. It's not something I'm proud of. But there is one very good thing about that! We don't keep the high sugar, high fat, unhealthy foods in the house. So when I "overindulge" or "stray", it's for more raw almonds, or whole grain pita chips or extra hummus or.... you understand.
Those who are controlling health and weight through nutritional cleansing and concentrated nutrition refer to weight loss as "releasing pounds and inches". That creates, for me, a mental picture of allowing them to leave. "Bye bye, roll of fat around my waist. I don't need you anymore".
As to your search for new terms, Mary - why not borrow from Jeff Olson's 'Slight Edge' philosophy and say "I made a simple error in judgement" or "I practiced a simple discipline". A simple error in judgement is saying "yes" to McD's once. Repeated, and compounded over time, the effect is to bring death to the body. A simple discipline is to choose an organic lettuce salad over the McD rush. That simple discipline, repeated and compounded over time, will change and possibly save your life. Does either action affect your life in a major way with one incident? No way! But both are choices, and both lead to consequences.
Right now I'm choosing a simple error in judgement and doing this rather than catching up on my laundry!!!! That error in judgement, repeated, and compounded over time.....
Hol, you win!!!! I like that, lots!!!!
And Ruthie, your post was very thought provoking. In that manner of speaking, it did sound illicit, yup, like cheating. I could learn to like that term b/c to cheat being an ugly act is not something I want to repeat. (or is it?)
And after reading what you said, it made me ponder why I hate that word. I am sure it is as a result of my work in OA to remove shame-based words and thoughts from my personal vocabulary.
That is what helped me then control my behavior eventually. I now think that we attract and somehow desire the negative feelings at times.
The abuse cycle many of us are in: binging/cheating---->feelings of shame and worthlessness---->forgiveness.
Rinse and repeat. We condition our minds and bodies to expect failure. I know for me I got desensitized over time when I allowed too many episodes of illicit food.
ETA: I just now dreampt up the term: Off Goal!
Cuz that IS what those foods do to me. I find that to label foods as bad somehow makes me bad when I choose them. Hey, it's just a lil McD burger sitting there. It's nothing more than 2 all beef patties and special sauce on a sesame seed bun.
It can be what nourishes me when we are on the road. It can kill me if I eat too much of them. Both transactions involve me, eating it.
And Ruthie, your post was very thought provoking. In that manner of speaking, it did sound illicit, yup, like cheating. I could learn to like that term b/c to cheat being an ugly act is not something I want to repeat. (or is it?)
And after reading what you said, it made me ponder why I hate that word. I am sure it is as a result of my work in OA to remove shame-based words and thoughts from my personal vocabulary.
That is what helped me then control my behavior eventually. I now think that we attract and somehow desire the negative feelings at times.
The abuse cycle many of us are in: binging/cheating---->feelings of shame and worthlessness---->forgiveness.
Rinse and repeat. We condition our minds and bodies to expect failure. I know for me I got desensitized over time when I allowed too many episodes of illicit food.
ETA: I just now dreampt up the term: Off Goal!
Cuz that IS what those foods do to me. I find that to label foods as bad somehow makes me bad when I choose them. Hey, it's just a lil McD burger sitting there. It's nothing more than 2 all beef patties and special sauce on a sesame seed bun.
It can be what nourishes me when we are on the road. It can kill me if I eat too much of them. Both transactions involve me, eating it.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
Yes, Neecee, I absolutely agree with you. We do need to remove emotion from food, which causes the problem in the first place. It had just struck me; that term "cheating", and how hurtful it is when used in a dating or marriage relationship. So I went down that path a little.
The amazing therapist I'm working with really dwells on the positive, and our need to nurture and feed ourselves well, with what our body requires. She's so positively focused it's wonderful.
When I was in my time of focus to get off pounds quickly (and healthily) I gave myself Sunday's "off" after my first 11 days. This meant that if the kids ordered pizza, I had two slices. But I haven't had a true food addiction, and hubby says I have a "thin brain", so I realize I can't identify with what many on this forum have had to deal with. I only know that I was spiraling out of control and allowing my hands to shove into my mouth anything tasty and edible. Once I killed the cravings and got the bad replaced with good, those issues resolved. Still, as in the Food Porn post, fresh hot bread with butter calls my name seductively. Part of what keeps me true to my plan is my integrity. I've introduced this way of life/eating to around 100 people, and I want to know that if ANY of them were to show up at my door on any given day they can say "If I act like her, I'll achieve my desired weight". That's a responsibility, and I will NOT be two-faced.
That's one reason I'm on day two of a two-day liquid cleanse. 2 1/2 years later, I still live the program.
The amazing therapist I'm working with really dwells on the positive, and our need to nurture and feed ourselves well, with what our body requires. She's so positively focused it's wonderful.
When I was in my time of focus to get off pounds quickly (and healthily) I gave myself Sunday's "off" after my first 11 days. This meant that if the kids ordered pizza, I had two slices. But I haven't had a true food addiction, and hubby says I have a "thin brain", so I realize I can't identify with what many on this forum have had to deal with. I only know that I was spiraling out of control and allowing my hands to shove into my mouth anything tasty and edible. Once I killed the cravings and got the bad replaced with good, those issues resolved. Still, as in the Food Porn post, fresh hot bread with butter calls my name seductively. Part of what keeps me true to my plan is my integrity. I've introduced this way of life/eating to around 100 people, and I want to know that if ANY of them were to show up at my door on any given day they can say "If I act like her, I'll achieve my desired weight". That's a responsibility, and I will NOT be two-faced.
That's one reason I'm on day two of a two-day liquid cleanse. 2 1/2 years later, I still live the program.
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