Feeling compassion to fat peeps? esp parental...
For me, once I learned to respect myself, I learned to let go of the past and what others thought about me became irrelevant. There was nothing I could do to change what others had said about me or done to me in the past. The past is behind us, all we can do now is learn from it and what it made of us today. But once we are done examining that, it's time to move on to being responsible adults. Responsible for how we let other people affect us negatively...and whether we will accept that today or not. Others can TRY to stress me out...but it is up to me to cope with that and let it go because I choose not to let them affect my waistline...stress releases cortisol.
And as far as parents are concerned, there is one spiritual truth to guide us. Honor your Mother and your Father that your days may be long on the earth. With MY Mother, I found that most of the time, the only way to honor her was not to DISHONOR her. I certainly had no respect for her, and she did her best to make me feel like, no matter what I did, it was never good enough, even though my accomplishments far exceeded hers. But once I matured and learned this principle, I treated her like she was the best Mother in the world. That was for MY benefit, not for hers. I forgave her for every word she uttered to me to make me feel like less of a person, and I 'constantly' told God, "You created her...You deal with her!" I can honestly say that when I get to heaven, I did right by my parents and by doing that, I'm now living my days in great health and spiritual well being. As with all people, forgiving them their tresspasses against you is what keeps your spirit clean, but it doesn't apply to anything more important than dealing with the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally the way your parents are. I found that the best way to deal with that was to show them respect, whether they deserved it or not. But most importantly...let God deal with them!
Mary
on 1/18/09 6:55 am, edited 1/18/09 6:56 am - MI
To all *****plied to this original post, I am blown away. I remember, you have spoken my past. For the most part, my parents were descent. They had two things that made my life hard: That of my weight, and my laziness, per my parents. When I was born I was born Premature, about (5) weeks early. I didn't start gaining weight, until I started Kindergarten. ( I wish I knew why?)
All through my life it was "oh you have such a pretty face, If you would just lose the weight!" Oh how I hate that phrase. My mom was wanting me to lose, so bad, one time she got my doctor to prescribe diet pills for me. Boy was that a trip. They were so strong that I couldn't sleep, I wanted to run. I was very emotional, I started to desire, for a dog and on this particular morning I went out side to build a dog house at 6A.M. Crying my eyes out. well needless to say, that was stopped. I have try-ed so many different diets, I mite be able to right a book. The kids at school and in the neighborhood had no Mersey. There was this game we played called pile up. I was always knocked down and always on the bottom of the pile up.(all the kids jumped on me.) I remember this kid at school that wanted to know if I would get hurt, if he stuck a pin in me, and how far it would go in. He did and it did. then he proceeded to punch me in the back three times leaving three black and blue marks .( he sat behind me in school.) Boy, did my mom hit the ceiling. She was so angry. His behind felt the the hardness of the wood, three times.( in the principles office)
Now to my so called laziness: I have always been the odd man out in the family, I always do every thing different then everyone else. I would always get the same results, but in a different way. When my parents showed you how to do something, you had to do it exactly how they showed it. Not me, I would find ways of doing it my way( what worked for me). I learned early, that if I waited long enough, my parents would do the work, because it was easier to do it then teach it. and make me responsible. Even today I do not like to be told what to do. Ask me, and I will do whatever I can to make it happen(in my time) Well I could go on and on, but we have all been there. All I would like to say is: Show your Kid the way, but let them deal with the responsibility of their actions (help them were you can) Be an anchor if they need it, but they need to deal with their own life being responsible.
Thank-you for the trip down memory lane, and sharing your experiences, It was just what I needed today.
Twilight
I can relate to all this, because my whole family turned on me when I was a teenager for being "fat". I put that in italics, because I believe that my hips were just developing faster than my breasts were, when I was a teenager, and that I was not overweight until I got to my early 20's. If I looked out of proportion, it was because of puberty, not overweightness.
My father was the cruelist - he called me "gross, fat, & ugly" when I was 13, and I believed him. My sister called me "Crisco - fat in the can", and I hated shopping for clothes with my mother, who was always dressing me in black & navy blue to hide my "large" hips. I saw pictures of myself, and I looked normal - skinny arms, legs, and face, with just a little bit of wideness around my waist and hips. If I was overweight, it was very slightly, because I grew to 5 foot 1/2 inch tall by 14 years old (my greatest height), and I weighed in the 100 teens. I remember weighing 118 when I was 18 years old, and thinking this was "fat". It really wasn't.
Even the kids at school didn't make fun of me for being overweight, and they notice everything! I am currently in therapy for my overeating issues, and a major part of them was being in a love-hate relationship with my cruel father. When I was "dieting", I was pleasing him. When I was eating out of control, I was rebelling against him. Nowhere in the middle of this mess was there a thought of what was right for me, in spite of what he wanted. His opinion took precedence over mine, in my constant struggle inside to either please or rebel against him.
I've never had children, thank God! I would have ruined them with my lack of self discipline with food and keeping my house clean. I would have been a terrible role model with them. I felt a long time ago that if I couldn't get it together enough, I'd just never have children. So I never did. I feel this was a wise choice, both for my husband & myself. Instead, we nurture six cats.
Denise Phares/kitties4