Question about weight and relarionships

I was wondering how being over weight has effected other peoples relationships, and if it was just me who seemed to have issues with this. I have noticed that since I have been opverweight that I have gone about relationships differently. I almost  feel that no matter who I am dating that I am some how not good enough because of my access weight. Even when I go on a date with someone who, when I was thin, I never would have gone out with. Its as if as I got bigger my standards got smaller. I now find myself letting the person that I am dating treat me in ways I never would have stood for befor. I know this is happening and that its not right but I always go back to the feelings that I am big so I gotta put up with things because I cant get any better at this size. I know it kinda taboo to talk about these kind of thing, but I was just wondering if other people have been effected the same way??

well, i am married. and even though my husband never said anything about my weight, i still felt like he didnt like me anymore, so my low self estemm, really affected our marriage. i am at the beginning phase of getting surgery. I got my referral and my first appointment coming soon!

Oops sorry guess I should have used spell check...

It definitely has.  On the one hand, all the harsh lessons have made me who I am, which I wouldn't change, so I accept the past.

However:

-weight made me an awkward fit in school, the subject of bigotry and abuse
-I have not dated a ton of men, only had a handful of LTR
-the men still had an issue that I wasn't normal/average even though they were attracted to me
-one BF let his mother talk bad about me and didn't defend me

but the kicker is, I ultimately was settling for the men I was with.  Why?  Because it was all I could get.

In the long run, I feel obesity has cost me the social life I desire, the marriage and kids I want. 

And on the flip side, having gone from a 26/28 to a 14/16, it has made me more visible than I am comfortable being.  Now my weight loss is "everyone's business" and I get more male attention.

Better to go without a man than be with the wrong one.  You will only blame yourself for accepting less than a person deserves.

And as long as you say the word "can't" ... you are right.

I just got out of a bad relationship so I feel your pain. Here was my scenario:

He was great to me in the beginning, which got my self esteem high.  I felt that even though I was fat, I must be a good girl.  And this guy, as much as I hate him now, is  H  O  T.  Ripped muscles, gorgeous face - could have been on the cover of GQ if he wasn't so short.  Well... Things changed gradually.  He stopped paying as much attention to me.  I'm not an attention ***** so I let it go.  After a while, a week would go by and I didn't hear from him at all.  Then 10 days would go by, then two weeks, then longer.  Whenever we would talk or see each other he was a doll, but he paid so little attention to me that he made me feel like I wasn't worth his attention.  His lack of attention turned out to be neglectful, inconsiderate and rude, and FINALLY, after putting up with this bull**** for almost 1 year (yep... 1 year) I said enough and I haven't spoken to him since we fought right after Christmas.  I put up with his **** for so long because I felt like there was no way a fat girl like me could get better.  Truth is, I deserve to be treated like a Princess and I had to dig super deep to figure that out. 

He still text messages me, but I ignore them.  I hope he rots in hell.

Thats kind of how things are going with my guy. Things started out really good, we spent alot of time together and he gave me tons and tons of attention. He was a sweetheart he always took me places and said things like he always wanted me around no matter the situation. Now we dont see each other that much and when I say something to him he always tries to turn it around back on me. He spends alot of time with his friends and I am feeling like an after thought. I still hear from him daily even if its just a hello, but things have deffinently changed and I dont know why... So being as large as I am I automatically assume he has met someone who is not obese like me...

It took me a year to say "Enough".  When your time comes, you'll get out of it.  Test him: Don't call him and see how long it takes for him to call you.  Try to act aloof about it for a little while and see if his behavior changes.  If it still doesn't change, think about yourself and do what's best for yourself.  I wish I had gotten rid of Jonathan A LOT sooner, because I wasted a year of my life caring for someone who didn't care enough about me. 

To any and all:

The thing to realize is that a romance relationship should not be about holding on because that's all you can get.  You should tell yourself that if he's not acting like a boyfriend or a lover, is not kind and considerate, does not show you love by his actions, you really aren't in a relationship, you're just called BF/GF. 

When a guy does that, let him go, the relationship is done.  No guy worth keeping will stop treating you well.  Stop making excuses for his rotten behavior.

A fit/healthy/happy woman would have broken up with him if this went on 2-6 weeks!  Why be any different.

I stayed with a guy who i thought was worth keeping (tall, handsome, educated) but his overall behavior was disrespectful.  I wasn't his priority.  I should have left him then but I thought "if you're in a relationship, it takes work."

Um...not that kinda work.  You shouldn't have to work at being treated well--only work at communication, etc...

Get my drift?

I wasted years and years on that azzhole.  It cost me.

I can say that my weight did have a negative impact on my first marriage, but strangely it was not the weight as much as how little I felt about myself.  Like you, i now realize that I felt "not good enough" to stand up for being treated like a piece of crap.

To make matters worse, my abusive ex certainly did take the opportunity to use my weight to keep me down by constant insults. So, weren't we a pair to draw to???? Luckily, I recovered and kicked his ass OUT.

Fast forward to now with my new, improved DH who married me at a higher weight than I am now! He would never ever put me down in any way and I would never ever let him treat me like **** We adore each other and now he is the one putting on weight and his eating is sliding out of control. I would never make him feel like dirt over that; I do try to counsel him as gently as is possible (in his case he has been skinny all his life and he is truly in shock and does not know how to begin to deal).

I am as attracted to him with an additional 50ish pounds on him than ever! I fell in love with HIM, not his body. If at all possible, I might lose respect for him if he ever did not care at all what he looked like/smelled like/acted like. yanno?

To me, that is what normal, healthy love & commitment is about: to support each other and accept our warts as long as those warts are within acceptability.  Trust me, this lesson took years to learn!