Destructive Behavior
Hey, I was talking to Holly about her fast food addiction, and while I was cooking dinner, a thought came to my head. 
Yeah, I know, li'l ol me with a thought, imagine that! I was telling Holly that if you have a craving for something 'inapropriate', find a substitute for your craving that IS 'apropriate'. That reminded me of a scientific statement...The universe abhors a vacuum. Which simply means that if something is taken away, it will always be replaced with something else. Kind of like a supernova's energy being turned into a black hole which is negative energy because the universe will not let the space go unfilled.
This is how it is with destructive behavior. And if we are to give up a certain destructive behavior, we have to replace it with a positive. For example, when I gave up Pepsi, I replaced it specifically with a positive behavior...drinking water. I didn't just say, I'm going to stop drinking Pepsi and start drinking diet Pepsi, or some other form of soda, or something with chemicals in it like Crystal Light, I specified WATER. So I gave up a negative behavior and replaced it with a positive behavior. For every action, there is a REaction...see what I'm sayin'?
So, for all of you successful dieters out there, or those who have had some level of success...what was your most destructive behavior and what did you do to replace it with a positive behavior? And if you are currently experiencing destructive behavior, let's discuss it and maybe we can come up with something positive to replace it with.
My latest triumph over destructive behavior...I was eating too much salt on a perfectly legal cucumber salad that left me bloated. Positive behavior to fill taking away the salt, I started using sea salt and less of it...see, positive reinforced!
Mary
Yeah, I know, li'l ol me with a thought, imagine that! I was telling Holly that if you have a craving for something 'inapropriate', find a substitute for your craving that IS 'apropriate'. That reminded me of a scientific statement...The universe abhors a vacuum. Which simply means that if something is taken away, it will always be replaced with something else. Kind of like a supernova's energy being turned into a black hole which is negative energy because the universe will not let the space go unfilled. This is how it is with destructive behavior. And if we are to give up a certain destructive behavior, we have to replace it with a positive. For example, when I gave up Pepsi, I replaced it specifically with a positive behavior...drinking water. I didn't just say, I'm going to stop drinking Pepsi and start drinking diet Pepsi, or some other form of soda, or something with chemicals in it like Crystal Light, I specified WATER. So I gave up a negative behavior and replaced it with a positive behavior. For every action, there is a REaction...see what I'm sayin'?
So, for all of you successful dieters out there, or those who have had some level of success...what was your most destructive behavior and what did you do to replace it with a positive behavior? And if you are currently experiencing destructive behavior, let's discuss it and maybe we can come up with something positive to replace it with.
My latest triumph over destructive behavior...I was eating too much salt on a perfectly legal cucumber salad that left me bloated. Positive behavior to fill taking away the salt, I started using sea salt and less of it...see, positive reinforced!
Mary
twilight89
on 1/12/09 9:48 am - MI
on 1/12/09 9:48 am - MI
Dear Mary: Twilight here. I agree with you. My problem is I give up to easy. I find it hard to stay in a positive mood. That's why I like reading about other people and how they manage. It makes it not so lonely. You see I am single, never married, no children, and not much family left. This site is me helping me, not to be in my destructive behavior, and pig out, give up, and say woe is me.
But of course the last (2) days I was eating a pity party of one. I hate winter (excluding Christmas) I do not like being shut in. I have limited funds, and limited transportation. If I do not do it myself, I do not get anywhere. I am now trying to get myself out of this house, I find it hard, because I am always here and I am comfortable. Going out in the public makes me nervous. I like people, but I don't do much and there isn't much to talk about and most people I know do not want to listen to me grumble. It is so hard when you are alone almost 24/7.( I know, I know what am I going to do about it! It's time to stop thinking about it and do it !!!!) I hear you. Fat, Broke, and a party of one, here I come.
That's how it was today in the land of Woe. The exit is right over here -> -> -> ->
Twilight
Well, you came to the right place, Sister! You're not the only one here who has ever let their weight affect their social behavior. I wouldn't go see my own aunt because I was fat and all of my cousins were thin and I felt like they were judging me. Well, they WERE judging me! But who's fault was that? Mine. It's not easy to say that they were justified in judging me, but I did have to face that it was a fact of human behavior for them to feel uncomfortable with my weight. But I used that to my advantage. I put it on my list of reasons why I wanted that fat off of me. Whenever I would want to go off of plan, I would read that list and shock my brain back into reality instead of opting for failure.
Good thing about coming here to grumble is that we can talk about this all day long. Civillians look at us like we ain't got good sense! So come here to talk about success and forgiveness for your actions, and save the small talk for when you are out and about among the skinny folk.
Girl, I'm practically addicted to reading how other people did it and what makes them tick and what made them successful. I'm just as thrilled to hear how Barbie lost five pounds as I am to hear how Ruby lost a hundred! Now there's a role model for you. Keep it up and before you know it, you'll be as active as Ruby.
Do you go to any particular church. A lot of churches and government agencies provide transportation, so maybe you could look into that if you wanted to do something like go to the mall to walk. Just sayin'.
Mary
Good thing about coming here to grumble is that we can talk about this all day long. Civillians look at us like we ain't got good sense! So come here to talk about success and forgiveness for your actions, and save the small talk for when you are out and about among the skinny folk.
Girl, I'm practically addicted to reading how other people did it and what makes them tick and what made them successful. I'm just as thrilled to hear how Barbie lost five pounds as I am to hear how Ruby lost a hundred! Now there's a role model for you. Keep it up and before you know it, you'll be as active as Ruby.
Do you go to any particular church. A lot of churches and government agencies provide transportation, so maybe you could look into that if you wanted to do something like go to the mall to walk. Just sayin'.Mary
On January 12, 2009 at 6:09 PM Pacific Time, mwy wrote:
Well, you came to the right place, Sister! You're not the only one here who has ever let their weight affect their social behavior. I wouldn't go see my own aunt because I was fat and all of my cousins were thin and I felt like they were judging me. Well, they WERE judging me! But who's fault was that? Mine. It's not easy to say that they were justified in judging me, but I did have to face that it was a fact of human behavior for them to feel uncomfortable with my weight. But I used that to my advantage. I put it on my list of reasons why I wanted that fat off of me. Whenever I would want to go off of plan, I would read that list and shock my brain back into reality instead of opting for failure. Good thing about coming here to grumble is that we can talk about this all day long. Civillians look at us like we ain't got good sense! So come here to talk about success and forgiveness for your actions, and save the small talk for when you are out and about among the skinny folk.
Girl, I'm practically addicted to reading how other people did it and what makes them tick and what made them successful. I'm just as thrilled to hear how Barbie lost five pounds as I am to hear how Ruby lost a hundred! Now there's a role model for you. Keep it up and before you know it, you'll be as active as Ruby.
Do you go to any particular church. A lot of churches and government agencies provide transportation, so maybe you could look into that if you wanted to do something like go to the mall to walk. Just sayin'.Mary
My lovely first born niece got married a couple of months ago, and I didn't even attend, because my fear of being judged for gaining so much weight. I cried all night about missing my sweetie pies marriage. And I know people say, "Suck it up and go, it's more important to see your niece get married, then to feel embarrassed", but i really couldn't bring myself to go.
:(
Then everyone get's mad and says, 'Why weren't you there'..*sighs*
Yep...same here. I missed my nephews wedding because I would be too embarrassed about my weight. And that was when I was down 45 pounds from my heaviest. Sheesh. Suck it up didn't help me either. What got me out again was that my DH sat me down and had a heart to heart with me and told me that I was missing out on my life by not going to functions...I adore weddings. So I started going anyway, and once the people that I hadn't seen in a while got used to me being fat, it wasn't so bad. Then I just got to the point that I didn't care about what other people thought. Now that was liberation. But it takes practice, and lots of loose clothing, and lots of make-up for added nerve. Well it did in my case!
My point is that I had to start. I'm not going to tell you to suck it up. But I will say that you have no control over what other people think about you...and most people are so self absorbed that they aren't thinking about you long. What is important is what YOU think about you. And my prayer for you is that YOU think you look "Pretty in Pink"!
Mary
My point is that I had to start. I'm not going to tell you to suck it up. But I will say that you have no control over what other people think about you...and most people are so self absorbed that they aren't thinking about you long. What is important is what YOU think about you. And my prayer for you is that YOU think you look "Pretty in Pink"!
Mary
(deactivated member)
on 1/12/09 10:59 am
on 1/12/09 10:59 am
Hey Twilight:
I'm single, never married, no children, not much family either but several years ago I felt the same way you feel. I made a conscious decision that I was going to be happy which meant I had to change how I thought about myself, how I thought about others, what I wanted my social life to be, what kind of relationships I desired, etc. It didn't happen overnight but really putting that effort into making my life what I wanted it to be....created the life I wanted over a period of time. My life isn't all rainbows and puppy dogs and there are times I'm unhappy. Those moments take me back to that negative and "woe is me" thinking and really does a number on my psyche. It's VERY hard to get out of the funk but once you decide to do it and start creating the life you want, it becomes easier, you become happier, which makes everything easier, which makes you happier, etc. The positive energy feeds more positive energy (just as we allow negative energy to feed negative energy). Don't allow that negative energy to keep you where you're at today, if that's not where you WANT to be.
Best wishes!
Kim
I'm single, never married, no children, not much family either but several years ago I felt the same way you feel. I made a conscious decision that I was going to be happy which meant I had to change how I thought about myself, how I thought about others, what I wanted my social life to be, what kind of relationships I desired, etc. It didn't happen overnight but really putting that effort into making my life what I wanted it to be....created the life I wanted over a period of time. My life isn't all rainbows and puppy dogs and there are times I'm unhappy. Those moments take me back to that negative and "woe is me" thinking and really does a number on my psyche. It's VERY hard to get out of the funk but once you decide to do it and start creating the life you want, it becomes easier, you become happier, which makes everything easier, which makes you happier, etc. The positive energy feeds more positive energy (just as we allow negative energy to feed negative energy). Don't allow that negative energy to keep you where you're at today, if that's not where you WANT to be.
Best wishes!
Kim
twilight - hey welcome to hell girl...here is your accordion! If it were heaven you'd be issued a harp, but that is an argument for another day!
I may be waaaaay off base here, but are you an agoraphobe? (true anxiety about leaving the house) If you really have anxiety about leaving, do call your local mental health or doctor to get some meds. I am related to a bunch of them, it is a form of depression, ain't no big thang to come out and try to find a solution!
If not, take baby steps here! See if there is an OA meeting - those guys DO want to hear you whine...and help you! Was a day my sister when I went 3-4x a week I was so lost in my addiction/compulsion for fast food/anyfood as long as I could stuff myself when alone. I found noon meetings, night meetings, morning meetings.
Even a group that gets together to talk about depression may help you lots! What about the local library - another place I used to make myself go out to be - many many books on food addictions, ways to eat, etc. One could be around others and not have to interact.
Please stick around and join in. Many of us have been where you are to one degree or another. I am a blessed person who is TOO social, yet so many periods of my life have been SO lonely. We do that to ourselves - isolate when we need to interact with others who we need and they need us.
I may be waaaaay off base here, but are you an agoraphobe? (true anxiety about leaving the house) If you really have anxiety about leaving, do call your local mental health or doctor to get some meds. I am related to a bunch of them, it is a form of depression, ain't no big thang to come out and try to find a solution!
If not, take baby steps here! See if there is an OA meeting - those guys DO want to hear you whine...and help you! Was a day my sister when I went 3-4x a week I was so lost in my addiction/compulsion for fast food/anyfood as long as I could stuff myself when alone. I found noon meetings, night meetings, morning meetings.
Even a group that gets together to talk about depression may help you lots! What about the local library - another place I used to make myself go out to be - many many books on food addictions, ways to eat, etc. One could be around others and not have to interact.
Please stick around and join in. Many of us have been where you are to one degree or another. I am a blessed person who is TOO social, yet so many periods of my life have been SO lonely. We do that to ourselves - isolate when we need to interact with others who we need and they need us.
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not." ~Mark Twain
twilight89
on 1/21/09 9:05 am - MI
on 1/21/09 9:05 am - MI
Dear Neecee:
Sorry, I have not responded before this, I didn't know what to say. I am not an agoraphobic. It is a lack of funds. Free places to go, other then the library, or walking the neighborhood (boring) even though I do not need it as much as I use to, I am on oxygen,(try finding work with an air concentrator in tow) I have to watch my gas consumption because $30 a month for gas doesn't go very far, in my really old car.(should have been put out, to the pasture years ago, but I need it.) I think I can understand how men feel when they have family and they can't find work.(for long periods of time) The depression, the feeling of being of no worth, or value. I think I am there.( I know somewhere inside me, that's not true) Wright now I am trying to find out what I want, Find out how to get it, and go after it. (but i am totally plank, for the moment). Oprah keeps saying find your passion! How do you find your Passion? Today's work field is real bad: being morbidly fat, having medical problems, and not working since 2000 is not conducive of finding happiness in our society. I just feel like I can not get ahead, with me being at home all the time, it is hard for me to get me out of the house., but I do in limited moments. I try to get over myself. I really have to force myself to be around people, even if I do not do anything, to have something to talk about. (that's why I am glad I found you guys in obesityhelp.com) I can listen, and respond, and get feedback. I just had another thought, I think part of my problem is I am not use to the commotion of noises being around people and places, It's like I do not know where to put my attentions ( and yes I have some hearing problems(can hear noise, just can't make out what some people say, in some situations.)) and now that I have gotten older I like peace and quite or a single source of noise. I need to stop for now or I will write your ear off.
Bye for now: Twilight
Sorry, I have not responded before this, I didn't know what to say. I am not an agoraphobic. It is a lack of funds. Free places to go, other then the library, or walking the neighborhood (boring) even though I do not need it as much as I use to, I am on oxygen,(try finding work with an air concentrator in tow) I have to watch my gas consumption because $30 a month for gas doesn't go very far, in my really old car.(should have been put out, to the pasture years ago, but I need it.) I think I can understand how men feel when they have family and they can't find work.(for long periods of time) The depression, the feeling of being of no worth, or value. I think I am there.( I know somewhere inside me, that's not true) Wright now I am trying to find out what I want, Find out how to get it, and go after it. (but i am totally plank, for the moment). Oprah keeps saying find your passion! How do you find your Passion? Today's work field is real bad: being morbidly fat, having medical problems, and not working since 2000 is not conducive of finding happiness in our society. I just feel like I can not get ahead, with me being at home all the time, it is hard for me to get me out of the house., but I do in limited moments. I try to get over myself. I really have to force myself to be around people, even if I do not do anything, to have something to talk about. (that's why I am glad I found you guys in obesityhelp.com) I can listen, and respond, and get feedback. I just had another thought, I think part of my problem is I am not use to the commotion of noises being around people and places, It's like I do not know where to put my attentions ( and yes I have some hearing problems(can hear noise, just can't make out what some people say, in some situations.)) and now that I have gotten older I like peace and quite or a single source of noise. I need to stop for now or I will write your ear off.
Bye for now: Twilight
(deactivated member)
on 1/12/09 9:52 am
on 1/12/09 9:52 am
Great thought provoking post!
Well I guess my "destructive behavior" was eating anything and everything, all the time and going out to eat ALL the time without regard to hunger or anything else, which led to MO and unhappiness.
My positive behavior that I replaced it with is planning and measuring my food. If I plan my food, measure it, pack it and take it to work, I do NOT go out to lunch with everyone just 'cuz it sounds good. Today, everyone went to get burgers at a new place in town and it sounded good AND looked good but I had already planned to have my salad with chicken and salsa so that's what I had. There was a twinge of envy but I didn't cave and the envy or desire goes away after the decision is made and then I don't really think about it anymore. I know how easy it is to have one burger and then splurge for dinner and then keep splurging and then it becomes a way of life. Overeating, binging, eating without thinking about it is not how I want to live my life. As cliche as it is, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. (Not even chips and salsa or cake from The Chocolate Bar ;-)
As you know, I'm all about moderation and I DO eat foods that are unhealthy so there are times I plan to eat burgers or go out to eat mexican good or eat cake or whatever but it's a conscious decision on my part to do it, not just "go with the flow", do what feels good now, do it because everyone else is doing it, eat because it's in front of me, etc.
I don't know if this will work for me long-term but it's what I've been doing for several years and seems to work for me now.
Well I guess my "destructive behavior" was eating anything and everything, all the time and going out to eat ALL the time without regard to hunger or anything else, which led to MO and unhappiness.
My positive behavior that I replaced it with is planning and measuring my food. If I plan my food, measure it, pack it and take it to work, I do NOT go out to lunch with everyone just 'cuz it sounds good. Today, everyone went to get burgers at a new place in town and it sounded good AND looked good but I had already planned to have my salad with chicken and salsa so that's what I had. There was a twinge of envy but I didn't cave and the envy or desire goes away after the decision is made and then I don't really think about it anymore. I know how easy it is to have one burger and then splurge for dinner and then keep splurging and then it becomes a way of life. Overeating, binging, eating without thinking about it is not how I want to live my life. As cliche as it is, nothing tastes as good as thin feels. (Not even chips and salsa or cake from The Chocolate Bar ;-)
As you know, I'm all about moderation and I DO eat foods that are unhealthy so there are times I plan to eat burgers or go out to eat mexican good or eat cake or whatever but it's a conscious decision on my part to do it, not just "go with the flow", do what feels good now, do it because everyone else is doing it, eat because it's in front of me, etc.
I don't know if this will work for me long-term but it's what I've been doing for several years and seems to work for me now.
Most Active
Recent Topics
