Humongously huge and disgustingly fat

Mary thanks for the reply! I laughed when you said that my dad would not be happy about being responsible for a 30 lb. gain. lol ... so true, and I never thought of it that way! It also makes sense about the insulin thing ... I think I have read that elsewhere. Also, I believe I read something about the fat cells actually storing the sugar ingested immediately and then call out for more. lol ... very peculiar. At any rate, the fat cells are going to have to endure starvation because I am going to be eating foreign objects ... fruits and vegetables!! Already my body is like WHAT IS THIS STUFF?? lol ... very sad, but I know its a temporary transition to what will be my lifelong commitment to eating healthy!!

I have to keep telling myself that!! Because I can do this!! 

Funny you guys mentioned your dads, because my dad died two years ago also.  I gained some more weight and went into some pretty bad depression right afterward.  That is one thing that I still think of to this day, that I wish he could have seen me at my skinniest.  I keep telling myself I still want to lose weight for him, because I know he's watching over me.  Plus for my mom in this world, I would love for her to see me skinny before she passes.   

For a while I used it as sort of like a motivational tool.  Because I know he would be very proud of me.  It's very bitter sweet.  I'm sure he's up there rooting for you, nudging you to make the right move. :)

OMG - I could have written what you did.  I am sitting here thinking that it is hopeless.  I am 57 - practically immobile and I am disgusted with myself for not doing something about my weight when i was younger and able to exercise.  Yes, I tried the Lap band (see my profile), had it removed,  - I couldn't bring myself to have any other WLS and now my insurance doesn't cover it anyway.
I'm a cancer survivor - I've been given a second chance and still I can't stop eating all the things I shouldn't.  Now I'm diabetic so I have even more reason to lose weight and eat properly - why can't I??
I've tried WW, Optifast (in the 80's), psychotherapy, Lap Band, OA - I mean what will it take to make me lose this weight???
You say "There's always hope, right?" - well I wonder........