Pathetic, absolutely disgusting..

Okay, so the embedded object didn't work too well.  I'm talking about my weight tracker. Take a look at my profile.

You see that crap???  Take a look at the BMI one, it's even worse.  I'm so FREAKING (replace rea with uc) sick and tired of this bullcrap! So sick of dieting my ass off, quitting, gaining it all back and then dieting my ass off again.

Awwe, now I feel sad for our little Butterfinger Ho!  But Dude, you are so not alone, everyone of us here has been where you are and can so relate to the feelings of frustration when we gain back what we fought so hard to lose.  What I would normally say to folks is that 99.9% of dieting takes place in your head and until you learn enough about what triggers you to go off plan, you are doomed for life to repeat the same behaviours.  But I know that one of the side effects of a bad thyroid is depression.  I have the same side effect with the PCOS.  Both hormonally induced states of depression.  I ain't gonna lie, until I got my hormones leveled out and started taking the SAM-e, it was hard for me to give a damn about being on a diet!  Of course that lead to feelings of failure for the weight gain which lead to more depression which lead to more feelings of, "I'm finding it hard to give a damn."

Truly the place for you to start is to examine what's in your heart and in your mind.  Is it your hormones that are sabotaging your weight loss or is it something in you that puts the breaks on the progress?  Until you figure that out, don't be so hard on yourself.  We all have to go through this soul searching, but there are those of us here who have been there done that, so let us know what we can do to help.

  Mary

It's definitely 99% mental and 1% habit here for me.  I'm very depressed actually.  So depressed I've scheduled an appointment with a top psychiatrist in my area. That's saying a lot for me. I'm sure many recall my aversion to all things psychological.

It's not my hormones sabotaging me, it's my emotions and a possible addiction? I have been checked for every possible hormone imbalance there is.  My thyroid is in great shape now. I have more energy, but I'm still stuffing my face and I'm still depressed. My glucose is slightly high but I had one of those two-hour glucose tests and my body handles sugar quite efficiently. My endo was hoping to put me on byetta to help with weight loss, but couldn't because of the glucose test results. (Insurance wouldn't pay for the drug.) I also finally went and had a sleep study done. Turns out I have very severe sleep apnea; surprise. It's possible that is what's causing some of my depression. We'll see how the CPAP works when I get it in January. Th eonly other likely cause of this is my brain; a possible chemical imbalance.

Everything went downhill for me when I went on vacation in July. I was able to maintain my loss up until about mid-October/early November when all hell broke loose.  Maybe it's the winter time, days got really short... depressing?  I don't know... I just gave up...  I tried to get back on track a couple times..tried for a whole week not too long ago and then just flopped..  :( Argh!

Chris don't be so darned hard on yourself.  Having severe OSA sucks...I know.  Even after losing 140 lbs, I've still got severe OSA.  Good thing is now it's under control with my APAP.  I will say since you are going to lose weight, you may want to request your dr. write the script for an auto CPAP.  I can PM you more on the reasoning if you'd like.

When my OSA was untreated I had depression as well as uncontrollable eating, lack of concentration, memory problems, acid reflux, exhaustion (yup, shouldn't have driven during that time).  Once I got on my APAP and my events were controlled my sharp memory returned, depression lifted, acid reflux was gone, AND I didn't eat so dang much.  One of the "triggers" that can happen is when you're tired, sugar can give you a boost to help you through the exhaustion.  Problem is it also drops you so fast, you can almost be more exhausted than before.

I will say that for me Chris I couldn't have lost this weight and kept losing.  Not that I didn't want to before surgery.  I know some people can do it without surgery, unfortunately I had to face the fact I wasn't one of those people.  I just needed that little extra tool to help me "retrain" my brain.  I do think of it as an addiction and will probably always have to deal with it.  The great thing with surgery is that I now think I can succeed.  Yup I still fall off the wagon, but it's so much easier to get back on after a pigout.  Plus my pigging out isn't what it used to be. 

You know your last paragraph sounds like what I went through before surgery last year.  It's such a struggle, but the great thing is you're coming to this site for support.  Just keep trying, your health is worth it.

I was hoping the OSA could be the cause of my emotional issues. It's hopeful to know that you show an improvement after treating it.

Please do tell me more about the APAP/auto cpap thing. I've never heard of that.

Good.  get good and sick of it, Kriz. Now go out and change your life to not have to feel this way.

I hate to see how low you feel, but as you know, Grasshopper...you had the power all along. Our lives are exactly what we make of them, and things may not be as they seem.

For example, who says you have to sit at home playing computer games and empty the cupboards?  ( am shooting in the dark here, not sure this is your MO of late, so if not you, then insert your big stumbling pattern here). 

Well, that'd be YOU deciding to come home, night after night, like the freeking Truman Show or Groundhog Day...eating the same crap, sleeping in your chair til the house is dark when you go into the lair to play online games and bust out the really crappy crap. 

Maybe the MO is you, pulling into the gas station on the way to work and while paying, reach into the greas-0matic and yank out two sausage wichs. 

Maybe the MO is you again, yawning and going into the breakroom at work for more coffee, but (SURPRISE!) there is yet another platter of candy/cake/crack and there's you (again) reaching for the crack, hating yourself yet stuffing the ole gobbola. 

I doubt that you or me could ever really be that number on our weight chart stop, but i PROMISE you we can be better the more often we break these sad little scenarios. 

Don't give up my friend! YOU are worth it and smart enough and motivated enough to really want this and find a way to re-route.

 

Guilty, on all counts... Well except the sleeping the chair bit. I can mostly relate with the whole office treats bit.  Can't tell you how many times I've mentally slapped myself across the face as I shove in cookie after cookie.

I think this usually is how feel right before I get fed up with being fat and get back on track. God I hope that's what's going on.  I have to go buy new clothes now because all of mine are getting too tight to wear and I threw out my fat clothes because I "swore I'd never be that size again". Ahh sweet regrets..

Oh, Chris...I hear yeah!  I went on yet another new plan in July and got down to 258 middle of August (for about 12 hours).....now back up to 276.5 this morning.  WTF!!!

Then I read Neecee's post and think....she's right once again!  Neecee, you always manage to nail it.  Have you been following me? 

It's a horrible, horrible, viscious cycle isn't it?  I get so sick of everyone telling me that I haven't given it a full 100% all out try.  "Oh Chris, ever since I've known you, you have flopped from diet to diet and have never followed one for more than 6 months."   At which point I kindly tell them to go F@^K themselves and ask when was the last time they followed a diet for one whole year or when the last time was they gave up something they loved for a year.

Okay, sorry about that.. got on a little rant.

I hear that Kriz...it takes time to do this - and a lot of falling down. Please hang in there.  i promise you will be amazed if can be more stubborn than those fat cells who cry out constantly and fight us every step!