An email to a friend I just can't help anymore
Anyone ever had a friend like this.. someone who sabotages themselves and laughs it off..
I finally decided to drop the bomb on my friend, and I emaild her the following.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
Every time you make a bad decision and laugh it off, it makes me feel like you just don’t care
about yourself
about the effort put forth to keep you on track
about updateing the chart to give you incentive to make good choices
If you can’t support yourself and stop making excuses, I can not continue to support your bad choices.
I care about you, and I want to support you in;
1.) Being accountable
2.) Getting your heart moving
3.) Not making excuses
4.) Caring enough about yourself to stop hurting your insides
5.) Caring enough about yourself to plan ahead
6.) Your happiness and continued well being (mentally and physically)
I can’t do it anymore, and I am turning this list over to you, so you can be accountable for yourself.
I love you and I hope that this helps you become more aware and accountable, but I can no longer be your watch dog, because it hurts me when you hurt yourself.
...........................................................................................................................................
I am so tired of people who make excuse after excuse about what they are eating and why they are eating it, when it is clearly a bad choice.
It just got so hard to be her watchdog.. I started resenting her, and looking down on her, and I could not enjoy her friendship, because I was too busy kicking her ass for making bad decisions, and it wasn't just one bad decision here or there, it was constant.
I made me feel like I cared more about her weight struggle thatn she did..
I feel like an a hole for sending this email, but I think I did the right thing for me, and that is paramount.
I finally decided to drop the bomb on my friend, and I emaild her the following.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
Every time you make a bad decision and laugh it off, it makes me feel like you just don’t care
about yourself
about the effort put forth to keep you on track
about updateing the chart to give you incentive to make good choices
If you can’t support yourself and stop making excuses, I can not continue to support your bad choices.
I care about you, and I want to support you in;
1.) Being accountable
2.) Getting your heart moving
3.) Not making excuses
4.) Caring enough about yourself to stop hurting your insides
5.) Caring enough about yourself to plan ahead
6.) Your happiness and continued well being (mentally and physically)
I can’t do it anymore, and I am turning this list over to you, so you can be accountable for yourself.
I love you and I hope that this helps you become more aware and accountable, but I can no longer be your watch dog, because it hurts me when you hurt yourself.
...........................................................................................................................................
I am so tired of people who make excuse after excuse about what they are eating and why they are eating it, when it is clearly a bad choice.
It just got so hard to be her watchdog.. I started resenting her, and looking down on her, and I could not enjoy her friendship, because I was too busy kicking her ass for making bad decisions, and it wasn't just one bad decision here or there, it was constant.
I made me feel like I cared more about her weight struggle thatn she did..
I feel like an a hole for sending this email, but I think I did the right thing for me, and that is paramount.
Snugglepotomus
Awwe, Poor Maria, I've been where you are with your friend and I'll be proud of you if you still have any hair left in your head! 
My sister is morbidly overweight and has all kinds of health problems directly related to her weight and I have tried EVERYTHING to help her to absolutely NO avail. I've tried cooking for her, going to her house to help her workout...to the point of counting her reps for her! I've even spent money sending her to a therapist. She learned what her problem was, she's an emotional eater. Only in her case she used it as an excuse for being fat! Huh??? She said that she can't help that she eats too much because she is an emotional eater. Silly me, I thought that finding out what your problem is was the first step to fixing it, not wallowing in it!!!
So it's like they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. And even if you want to beat the damned horse for not drinking because he will die a painful death from thirst if he doesn't, it is still ultimately the horse's decision. You tried the best you could and now you have to learn that there is no way that you can be accountable for your friends weight.
She alone is responsible for what she is putting in her mouth, and until she is mentally prepared to make the right choices, there is nothing you can do to FORCE her. I know, until I figured out what my issues were with PCOS, nothing could have been done for me no matter how hard I tried to lose weight.
It sounds like she becomes defiant when being told what to do, so I don't think that approach is going to work with her. Even though you may want to beat some sense into her
and MAKE her do the right thing, it ain't gonna wor****il she's ready to accept what it will take for her to lose weight.
I hope you have better luck with her than I do with my sister!
Mary
My sister is morbidly overweight and has all kinds of health problems directly related to her weight and I have tried EVERYTHING to help her to absolutely NO avail. I've tried cooking for her, going to her house to help her workout...to the point of counting her reps for her! I've even spent money sending her to a therapist. She learned what her problem was, she's an emotional eater. Only in her case she used it as an excuse for being fat! Huh??? She said that she can't help that she eats too much because she is an emotional eater. Silly me, I thought that finding out what your problem is was the first step to fixing it, not wallowing in it!!!So it's like they say, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. And even if you want to beat the damned horse for not drinking because he will die a painful death from thirst if he doesn't, it is still ultimately the horse's decision. You tried the best you could and now you have to learn that there is no way that you can be accountable for your friends weight.
She alone is responsible for what she is putting in her mouth, and until she is mentally prepared to make the right choices, there is nothing you can do to FORCE her. I know, until I figured out what my issues were with PCOS, nothing could have been done for me no matter how hard I tried to lose weight.
It sounds like she becomes defiant when being told what to do, so I don't think that approach is going to work with her. Even though you may want to beat some sense into her
and MAKE her do the right thing, it ain't gonna wor****il she's ready to accept what it will take for her to lose weight. I hope you have better luck with her than I do with my sister!
Mary
I know how you feel! My husband is obese, diabetic, has high blood pressure, and weighed over 300 pounds, being 5 ft. 8 inches tall. What I served affected his health and weight too, and I hated it when I saw him load up on cookies after the church service each Sunday. I tried telling him that it was bad for him, but he continued to, anyway. Finally, when he got tired of gaining more weight, he gave up the cookies at church himself, and said I was his shining example, by my actions, not my words.
All you can do is be an example of fine self-discipline, and hope that she will eventually be inspired by your example. Sending an angry e-mail won't help anything, and may hurt her feelings. I know I can't afford to vent angry feelings just because I'm frustrated with somebody's lack of progress. It's better to talk about what you are doing for yourself, and to wish her luck, and not listen to her excuses anymore. You might try saying in a nice way tha****ching her killing herself slowly with excess food is more than you can bear to watch, and that you don't want to hear her excuses anymore, that it hurts too much. Getting angry never helps anybody.
Denise Phares/kitties4
All you can do is be an example of fine self-discipline, and hope that she will eventually be inspired by your example. Sending an angry e-mail won't help anything, and may hurt her feelings. I know I can't afford to vent angry feelings just because I'm frustrated with somebody's lack of progress. It's better to talk about what you are doing for yourself, and to wish her luck, and not listen to her excuses anymore. You might try saying in a nice way tha****ching her killing herself slowly with excess food is more than you can bear to watch, and that you don't want to hear her excuses anymore, that it hurts too much. Getting angry never helps anybody.
Denise Phares/kitties4
Maria your friend will only change when she's ready. Nobody can do this for her and I have a feeling this email may not be taken in the spirit that it was intended. It's her journey alone. IF you can ignore the weight and being accountable issue, is she still a friend you value? If so, then you may be able to save this friendship by setting up boundaries...one being no talking about weight related issues.
I don't know your friend, but I can say in my case I wasn't ready for change. I've had a lot happen throughout my life and food was my coping mechanism. Even when I was ready for change, I couldn't sustain it and keep motivated without surgery. I couldn't have gotten as far as I have without it. I NEEDED that extra help that it gives me. It's not that I didn't want to be accountable, it's that I just couldn't make that permanent step without this tool. We all got fat for a reason. It's up to her to examine what happened and to work on fixing the problem. Now there's the rub, if she's got low self esteem she may not feel like she's WORTHY of being at a healthier weight.
I don't know your friend, but I can say in my case I wasn't ready for change. I've had a lot happen throughout my life and food was my coping mechanism. Even when I was ready for change, I couldn't sustain it and keep motivated without surgery. I couldn't have gotten as far as I have without it. I NEEDED that extra help that it gives me. It's not that I didn't want to be accountable, it's that I just couldn't make that permanent step without this tool. We all got fat for a reason. It's up to her to examine what happened and to work on fixing the problem. Now there's the rub, if she's got low self esteem she may not feel like she's WORTHY of being at a healthier weight.
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