Abstinence - 189th Day

Breakfast
1 orange
1 cup Rolling Oats cereal
1 cup light soy milk
1 cup coffee
2 cups water

Lunch (at Hamburger Station)*
3 small cheeseburgers
Small package french fries
Small lemonade

Dinner
2 very small steaks on griddle
1 baked yam with margarine
1/2 can vegetable soup
17 grapes
1-1/2 cups light soy milk
3 small scoops sugar-free, low fat butter pecan ice cream

Denise Phares/kitties4

*Last night at bedtime, some very painful feelings of shame, self hatred and disgust with my body shape and size, and sadness came up.  I started crying and crying, and my husband tried to comfort me in vain.  Finally, giving up, he fell asleep.  I got up, took a sleeping pill, and went down on the computer on Microsoft Word.  I started typing out all the feelings I was having at the time.  I composed a very long letter, including prayers to my Higher Power.  I went back upstairs and fell asleep almost immediately after that.

Today, as you can surmise, I made a very poor choice of foods at lunch time, rationalizing that I needed to save time, to be closer to the expressway, and to get back to Cleveland fast to feed our hungry cats, which were not going to starve to death.  I could have eaten at Wendy's, where there is a good choice of healthy fast foods.  Instead, I ate at Hamburger Station, where there is no choice of healthy foods at all.  When I read my long letter of feelings and prayer to my OA sponsor today, she remarked that in her opinion, I had made bad choices at lunch time to hide from the painful feelings I'd had the night before.  I felt she had a point, there.

DP/k4