depressed and throwing a major pity party..need help

 Hi Holly
I didn't read what you wrote, but based on the posts I did see I just wanted to let you know that there are so so many "normal" people in the world that have issues with depression/anxiety etc. I truly believe that some people have hormone imbalances. I have a major anxiety disorder that manifests itself in soooo many ways, in separate disorders! Binge eating disorder to self medicate and soothe myself with a carbohydrate high, straight out terrifying panic attacks, obsessive compulsive disorder, social anxiety, heightened sensitivity to stimili, the list goes on and on.
I manage my disorder by taking medication. It really has saved my life. I am so over the stigma of taking anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication. Its like wearing glasses to correct your vision.... why suffer blurry vision, headaches, whatever if there is a way to correct it? 
There are hundreds of different medications used to treat depression/anxiety and other disorders. Some of the meds I have tried had horrible side affects and didn't work. Some of them did. Some of them worked great! Just because one medication doesn;t work does not mean that all medications for depression wont. There are different classes of drugs that do different things. The doctor that helped me the most was my psychiatrist. They are amazing. Way more informed than just a PCP. I don't know what your insurance/financial situation is, but there are so many programs to help those without good insurance to afford to see the right kind of doctor. Seeing your PCP is a great start and a great way to get tests going and get referals but keep in mind Its so important to make sure you find the right doctors you need! I felt like I was seeing a ear nose and throat doctor to treat my foot problem until I finally went to a real psychiatrist.
Its taken time and multiple doctors and playing around with medications to figure out what works best for me. But its a miracle. I feel good. I have a great career. I am living my life and hardly anyone knows how much I have struggled.
Go see a doctor. You have so much peace to look forward to! I hope you can feel that now, knowing that its coming. :)
-Nikki

Well Holly,
I didn't read your post either, but I gather I get it form what everyones writting in here.
You are not the first, and you will not be the last to binge, and keep makeing bad decisions, even though you are full. I hav been there, as I am sure most of us on here have.

Seeing as how I am a planner, if I was in your position, I would sit down aith a pen and paper, and layout my plan.

1.) Go to PCP for a physical

2.) Set up appointment  with a psychologist to obtain a diagnosis and set up treatment , make a plan togetherm and educate yourself on depression and where it comes from so you undestand what you are dealing with. There is no erason you can't be as smart as your doctors...

3.) If the psychologist recomends it, se tup an appointment with a psychiatrist to begin treatment with antidepressants

4.) Discuss lab results with PCP from physical, make a plan together and do your best to follow  through

5.) Go for walks at night, 30 minues.. to clear your head and move your heart - start smaller if 30 minute is too much

6.) no more junk food in your house.. If it's not healthy for you, it's certainly not healthy for your family, so no excuses about this one. That't the ksy, you have to stop making excuses... wether or not you look at it that way.. that cake made it into your house because???.. and you ate it because???... those are all excuses...

7.) Check in weekly with someone other than yourself, share your moods, your health, and how your week went

and finally.... STOP BEING SO HARD ON YOURSELF......You are allowed to have bad days, you are allowed to be honest about them without being scared that you are going to be judged...Allow yourself that...

You can do it toots.... Get it together and move forward.. no more excuses... no more !!!!

Holly:
I concur with Maria! She makes a lot of GOOD sense, she covered ALL the bases. It's tougher than most, but tough Love is rare.

Thanks everyone.  I emailed my big sis Sherrie a lengthy personal email in the middle of last night and she told me she thought I needed to go in as soon as possible since it's gotten so extreme.  So ((hugs))) to Sherrie, I found a psychiatrist that will see me today, actually I leave to go see him in about a half an hour.  Like Sherrie told me, whether it's regarding female issues or not, it's gotten extreme. I've been depressed before, but it's to the point where I feel theres no return. There's other stuff I did not mention, but it's time to do something about it before it's too late. 

I'll let ya know what the doc says later on tonight.  It's a guy, which I'm not to thrilled with.  Plus his name is my ex' name..bahh..lol  Hopefully he won't look nothing like him or I'm gonna walk out.lol 

 

I'm glad you are going.  Hope it went well!

(((HUGS))) right back at ya, little sis!!  Let us know how you made out....so glad you could see someone today.