depressed and throwing a major pity party..need help

Well Holl, I read this, went to check the mail and think about it, came back and it was deleted.  I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this and it sounds like you need a hug, just for starters. Sweetie, it definitely sounds like your big funk is caused by hormonal fluctuations, so let me stress something very important about that up front...this has nothing to do with you being a failure at dieting, this has to do with a form of PMS brought on by an imbalance of progesterone and estrogen which creates estrogen dominance, and when that grabs a good hold on you, there is nothing you can do yourself to deal with it, you need medical help.  I know because I had a severe case of it years ago.  I was so depressed when I had no reason to be and I just couldn't bring myself to care about anything.  I remember crying all the way to Popeye's because the cravings were so bad, and hating myself that I couldn't stop it.  I told my gyno about it and he put me on Prozac for a month and I went back to feeling like my old self.  He said that the hormone fluctuations were inflamming my nerve endings.  So tell your gyno about it and make sure that she gives you something for it.  I got it again recently because I am going through menopause and I started taking SAM-e and so far I love it.  Until you can see your doc, try taking Motrin for the inflammation and see if that helps your symptoms at all. 

You my dear are not a failure, you're having female issues!  I sincerely hope that your doc can get you fixed and relieve your permanent PMS...that's what I used to call mine! 

Please feel free to share your experiences, you never know when it will help someone else to deal, too.

We loves ya Girlee,

 Mary 

Thanks Mary,

I deleted it because I'm just really embarrassed with what I wrote in it.  But I do know I need help, and the past few months it  has gotten almost intolerable.  Like right now I'm sure my bp is sky rocketing.  My heart is pounding, and my head is so tense it feels like it's going to explode.  This happened  last night also, and actually the day before.  I've been crying nonstop also.  This morning I ate a croissant, then a donut, then a BIG slice of cookie cake, and then went to lunch!  At lunch I had fried rice, and while I wasn't hungry in the least all while  I'm pushing it down my throat.  It's like I want to eat, but I'm not hungry at the same time.  So for some reason I just inhale it...whatever's around.

I never thought of it as a female issue before.  I use to be on depressant pills once before, but I got weird side effects.  That's probably one reason why I haven't gone back yet.  But these bad visions of hurting myself sort of freaks me out once I get calm again.  Everything has just started to become more frequent  and MUCH more severe, so it's time to get help.  I actually almost turned myself in one day because I felt I couldn't handle it.  I can't control it anymore, no matter what I do.  I'm still a little confused if it's just depression, or female issues.  But I did look up PMDD and the symptoms are a LOT like just regular depression.  Here is a list I found..

 

• feelings of deep sadness or despair, possible suicide ideation
• feelings of tension or anxiety
• panic attacks
• mood swings, crying
• lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts
• apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
• difficulty concentrating
• fatigue
• food cravings or binge eating
• insomnia or hypersomnia
• feeling "out of control"
• increase or decrease in sex drive
• increased need for emotional closeness
• physical symptoms: bloating, heart palpitations, breast tenderness, headaches, joint or muscle pain

I have ALL of these symptoms, most to the extreme right now.  But these are just normal depression signs too, so I'm confused.   Atually I'm panicing  right now where I probably should have taken a xanax instead of a couple of advil.  Wonder if I can take them together?  I start my period in like a day or two...should be interesting to see if it eases up a bit.So I either have this or some type of depression going on.  I just know it has to stop.  Plus this has been going on for wayyy too long.  Plus I'm to the point where I won't leave my house.  I have to literally FORCE myself to leave.  Just because I don't want to get ready!!  Something has got to give.

Thanks for the hug too. :)

 

Holly, sweetie, I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly!!!  Hugs from me too!

I think you have found your answer....those symptoms certainly sound like you've diagnosed yourself.  I'm glad you have an appointment with you OB scheduled.  I hope she/he is the kind who will take some time and sit down and listen to you.  Sounds like you need some testing for hormone levels to find out what's happening.  Perimenopause may also be a possibility.

Don't worry about whether you weigh more than you did last year and don't try to starve yourself between now and then.  You're feeding your pain...self medicating with food which is a habit we've used for years.  Hard to tell whether the bingeing is a symptom or the cause....it becomes a vicious cycle, doesn't it?  The worse we feel, the more we eat which makes us feel even worse.  I know for me...after feeling better when I'm eating clean...when I go back to the lousy food I physically and mentally feel like crap.  It is definitely all related.

I know you have been depressed for quite a while now....don't be afraid to get back on some type of antidepressant or antianxiety medication.  Maybe you just weren't on the right one to begin with and that's why you had a hard time of it. 

Wish I lived down the street and we could get together for some herbal tea and a good long talk and cry fest....always makes me feel better.  Please follow through with your doctor.  I'm so glad your hubby is supportive and you can talk to him.  I leave on vacation again Monday for two weeks but please email me if you want to talk before then.

I am praying for you to find some answers....think Mary's right....sounds hormonal or at least that may be exacerbating the problem.  Please let your hubby know if those thoughts are getting the best of you.  You are in my prayers, Holly.....may you find some peace in all of this....Sherrie

I am praying for you and can very much relate to your habits with food.  What you described sounds exactly like me.  You are not alone.  Don't close yourself off.  Keep writing on here.  Keep looking for answers.  And definitely get the medical care you need.  I will keep you in my thoughts.

Holly, there are so many different kinds of depression, but the reason I mentioned your hormones being the culprit is because of what you said about the timing with your menses and the uncontrolled appetite.  Something that is associated with Atypical Depression.  With normal depression, there is usually a lack of appetite.  I'm just sayin'.

Mary 

yeah, hol....don't be embarrassed! Dude, we have all been there. You should go check out all sources.   What the hay????

(((holly)))))

Hey Holly:
I'm right there with ya on the depression and pity party, for different reasons.  I agree with the others who posted - see your dr so you can get some help.
Wishing you happiness,
Kim

Holly... I wish I would have seen the original message... please.. don't ever feel embarassed.

There's more to us than mothers and workers and homemakers.. we're human and if we don't get things out, we'll hold 'em in until we just explode!

I have experienced many of the symptoms you list.. and baby.. I know.. I KNOW what it's like to cry non-stop.. then feel like my head is going to blow up.. putting icepacks on my eyes and head.  We females have it a little tougher cause we feel EVERYTHING so much deeper.

Yes.. it's time for help... every kind.. all kinds  Even if this is hormonal, you still have to deal with the emotional issues....   The HARDEST thing is making that first phone call and showing up to that first appointment - but this will be the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

It always hurts more before it gets better................ but it's worth it.  You know I'm having problems at this point.  I'm in the middle of all sorts of physical tests, but I also see that shrink every week without fail.  To me.... getting my mind healthy is just as important as getting my body healthy.

I wish I was closer to you there...  I'd even take you to the doctor myself.  Take that action NOW... even though you're tired... and you don't feel like it.. do it RIGHT now!  The road to feeling better has to start with that first little step.

Love ya girl....(((((Holly)))  We all do...  and we know you're hurting.. so please, don't be afraid to just lay it down .. whatever you're feeling or thinking.. we want to know!

God is with you............and so are we!
Lori

 

Y

 

Oh Holly,

Girlie girl I understand, I really do.  Just a couple points I want to make.

- If you didn't have the sanity you do, you wouldn't have been able to recogonize your problems.
- I think you're mad at yourself over all of this.  Hence the temptation to hurt yourself.
- I think you need to see a psychologist to get over your anger for yourself. 

(((((BIG HUG)))))