Effort vs Obsession

Where's the cut off?  At what point are our efforts considered obsession..... which leads me to the next question - are all obsessions bad?

Today my shrink told me that I should give up on trying to lose weight.  (head down)  He said to "give up on the obsession" and be happy with what I've lost and forget about it since it's obvious I won't lose any more.  He told me to stop working on it so hard and just maintain my current weight - even though I have to WORK THIS HARD to keep from gaining.

I was tempted to ask for a refund  on the session!

Why on earth would an obese person put themselves through the sheer physical pain of working out and watching every morsel that goes in his/her mouth, unless weight loss was the ultimate goal?

Why is diligence considered an obsession?

Why should we ever be happy with what we've lost already when we KNOW we should lose another 30 or 40 lbs? 

Why shouldn't we keep trying?

Any thoughts?

  You're Fired!

Good grief, the immense concentration it takes to lose one stinking pound and he wants to call it an obsession.  OK, maybe it is an obsession, but I like to call it being focused.  Yeah, it does become all consuming, but we didn't get so damned fat by giving a damn, it happened cuz we had no control.  So finally getting your ass in gear and practicing control for the rest of your life is to me a great new lifestyle.  Maybe it's only an obsession if he has to hear the same thing from you every week.  But tell your insurance company what you weigh and see if they don't tell you you're obese, so I say bring him the stat charts and ask him if he thinks it's ethical to tell an obese person to get over losing weight.  Geesh!

Mary 

Mary... I could accept him calling me a drug addict.. I am.  I'm not necessarily a practicing drug addict.. and I don't consider myself "in recovery" cause right now if there was a dime line of coke in front of me I'd turn it into a baseball without thinking TWICE - I KNOW MY WEAKNESSES!  Feeling out of control is a trigger for my past drug use.  I couldn't control my life, but I could control what I ingest.  I figure, just as much as I could control the use of my drug dujour, I could decide to stop.  So I did.

By the same respect..   I don't keep sweets in the house.  I don't make sauce, I don't buy veal, I don't buy bread because I KNOW that it will be my undoing.  I don't consider myself a food addict, and I don't consider myself in recovery.... I consider myself a person with a goal and trying my damned best do DO my DO to reach it.  I made a decision to change my life and I'm going ALL out to accomplish that.

Yes.. I'm obsessed... just like I'm obsessed with not getting high... like I'm obsessed with not going out to have sex with random men.. (even though I really miss sex and it's great exercise.. it's just too dangerous) it just can't happen!   Why is THIS obsession a bad thing?  Why is it BAD to avoid putting myself in situations that could be my undoing.  WHY IS IT BAD TO AVOID ITALIAN RESTAURANTS (it's simply too dangerous)?  Why is it bad to be sure I'm at that f*cking gym come hell, high water, pain that wants to make me pull my freaking hair out or even spending money on it when money is tight!  I'm ON A MISSION!  A MISSION requires a degree of obsession in my VERY humble opinion. 

I BELIEVE THERE IS A DIVISION BETWEEN PASSION AND OBSESSION!  I'm very PASSIONATE about my desire to once again fit in society.... to become a productive member.... to get into serving God with outreach which requires me to be physically and mentally fit!  YES... I'M OBSESSED/PASSIONATE!  <-- Why is this bad

I had to ask him "have you ever weighed over 300 lbs".  He admitted he didn't...  so I said "then shut the F*CK up because you have absolutely NO CLUE what it's like to have to ask for HELP to get up to go to the bathroom.. or help stepping into a shower.. the things smaller people take for granted.  I worked a church festival one time where I put out all the advertising and hired several attractions for it.  I personally made 400 mini loaves of banana bread.. individually wrapped for people to enjoy.  I set up a tent and blew up balloons for the children and even shoveled pony poop from the rides I hired.  It took me TWO weeks to recover from the pain.  I don't want to have to go through that again!  I NEED TO GET INVOLVED IN A CHURCH AGAIN.. and what good is it if I'm so freakin' fat and out of shape that I end up needing HELP from those that I want to help!

Mar.... I went there for HELP to LOSE weight....  and I've lost and gained the same weight since I've been seeing him.  I think he believes me that I'm not going off the deep end with food (thank God .. cause if another person looks at me funny when I gain 17 lbs in a week, I'm going to lose my mind).  He just thinks it's time I give up!  GIVE UP! 

Yes..  I talk to him about it every week.. YES... that's why I hired him.  It's not ALL weight, but he always asks "what do you weigh this week"... I answer and either I'm happy it's going down or I'm frustrated that it's going up.

This week it's going up and for the first time, I almost cried in his office (but got angry instead).

THIS IS WHY I PAY THIS DUDE EVERY FREAKIN' WEEK!  I don't give a crap about my childhood abuse, my poor choices, my drug use or anything else that's led up to this..... I care about starting to heal by handling the mess I've made of my body....

Do you know what I mean?

To be happy with our self..plain and simple.  Don't beat me on this on okay..hehe  But I can see his point. Once you lose a numerous amount of weight like you have and have trouble losing anymore, maybe your bodies telling you something.  I know when I lost a hundred pounds before sure I wanted to lose more weight (I was at 190), but at the same time if I stayed there I would have been thrilled just to maintain it.  This is all just a thought, but what if you didn't ever lose any more, then what.  Will you throw in the towel and just gain it all back?  See where I'm going?  Losing a hundred pounds is a big accomplishment.  Losing more would be a dream for you.  But if one's not going to be happy UNLESS they lose more weight, I think they need to take a look at their accomplishment and accept what they have done for their body.  Who knows, maybe if you remain there for a while and stabalize your weight, maybe the rest would come off more easily.  Just a thought. 

Number one... I'm never going to beat anyone up on anything ...  For the first time in my life I feel I have REAL friends here .. mostly because of their honesty!!!   This is something we don't find IRL.. lemme tell ya!!!!!!!

I understand what you are saying... especially about having trouble LOSING ANY MORE WEIGHT.  I think he was trying to tell me the same thing.... that it's not right if I can't be happy UNLESS I lose more weight... and that is very true.  I will NEVER be happy unless I can accomplish what I set out to do.   

Holly... I have heard about people who started off over 400 lbs and getting to a goal weight.  What's the difference between them and me?  It's not like I'm not working it.... scratch that.....  it's not like I'm not HAPPY AND WILLING to work it.

I can't stablize myself  much... up 10 down 5 up 20 down 15.. but I'm trying and this has been going on since April.  My body may be giving me a hard time, but it doesn't lessen my desire.. yanno?

How long do you think it takes to stabilize my weight so my body gets used to it.

All I know is that it's NEVER over until THIS fat lady sings... and I'm not singin' YET baby!! lol

Your shrink is a fool.  You have every right to keep pursuing your goal.  As for the obsession idea, I've had trouble with that when I put too much pressure on myself everyday to be "perfect" with my food plan.  I need to take one meal at a time, and one day at a time, instead of constantly thinking about losing weight.  That just drives me crazy!  What drives me even crazier is the obsession to lose weight faster than my body wants to on a reasonable food plan.

I go to Overeaters Anonymous to be able to live with eating healthy, moderate portions of food.  I am doing what they tell me to do to get over what they refer to as "the diet mentality", which is an obsession to lose weight as fast as possible.  I have been on over 25 restrictive diets during my adult life, and I just can't diet any more.  I can't stick to a restrictive food plan like I used to, in my younger days.  My main problem when I did get down to "goal" weight was how do I eat now to keep it off.  That always remained a mystery to me, since I am a confirmed compulsive overeater.  Us compulsive overeaters are notorious for going on diet after diet, then gaining it all back and more, all because our disease interferes with our being able to eat sensibly after losing our weight.  I wanted to eat junk food every day and somehow maintain my weight.  Ridiculous, isn't it!?

Good luck with your determination!

Denise Phares/kitties4

 

I can see where obsession would interfere with what you're trying to accomplish in OA.  This is one of the reasons I didn't bother with NA.  I didn't want to be obsessed with it.. yet passionate about controlling myself.

The effort doesn't make me crazy.... failing makes me crazy.  Yanno?

Here's my POV:

Sometimes, to put in real effort, you must be obsessed.  That's how I work.  I am obsessed with losing weight.  There is not a single day, hour or minute that goes by without me thinking:

"Christ I'm fat"
"How can I eat better?"
"Am I on the right diet?"
"When will my weight go down?"
"How can I do 'this' quicker?"
"What should tomorrow's breakfast be?"
"Should I force myself to exercise?"

And on and on and on.

For the most part, obsession is looked at as a negative but I don't think that should be true for all things.  Dieting and losing weight to improve yourself; how can being obsessed with improving yourself be a bad thing?  It's such a positive goal. 

I think your shrink skipped that chapter in med school...

Love, you ARE obsessed with dieting, just like I am but it's cause we have the same goal: Improvement.  We want to be the best we can be and you know that at the weight you are right now; this is NOT the pinnacle for you.  The pinnacle lies ahead and you're insanely determined to get there.  Determination is such an amazing trait to have, Lori.  It's my favorite thing about you.

Shrinks are great (I love mine) but I think you should ignore his comment this one time. 

Love ya!

All I have to say is that the man is brave.  He KNOWS I'm a bitter, angry person who doesn't mind giving up a good beatin' when it's called for!  LMAO

I look in the mirror and say some awful things.. like:

"you fat pig.. who's ever going to hire you"
"you ugly ***** how dare you leave the house like this"
"disgusting... so disgusting"

I do some nasty ass crap to myself... so I avoid the mirror.. but it's a fact that the fat is making me miserable.... so what the hell is wrong with obsessing about losing it.

I'm not talking about being one of those people who obsess over something but never do a damned thing about it... I'm talking about WORKING it. 

If I was Michael Phelps and spent hours and hours and hours in a day swimming my ass off... people wouldn't say I'm obsessed.. they would say I was determined.  I think that's a GOOD quality... not a bad one.

Yanno what I mean?

I think in some way we are ALL a little obsessed...some more than others. I know I am crazy obsessed. Just like Janina I think about it ALL day every day.  I say oh I won't eat tomorrow and  iwill exercise my butt of or I will only eat this or what am I gonna eat I have to walk in the morning, I have to kickboxing AND go to the gym...I have picked up bad habits from all of this. I probably need a shrink like some of you but eh...

Lori, you and I are basically in the same weight range. I have been stuck at 209/210 FOREVER. I will go up then come back down go up and come back down....it drives me nuts!  I say ignore the shrink! You can still try and lose more, if that is what you want to do! :) You are an insperation, you have come such a long way!  :)