Depressed... battling 'self medicating' with food

Oh Em, sorry to hear your having trouble.  Depression and anxiety sucks, I'm going through it right now myself.  One thing that caught my attention is your night mares.  Could those be from your meds?  My last med I was on caused me to have all kinds of bad and icky visions that one normally would not see.  If so go get your meds changed!

Your tough girl, I'm sure your fighting this with tooth and nail.  I know when I'm like this I don't even feel like cooking, so maybe you can force yourself to make a few things easily accessible in the fridge one time a week.  Make a few healthy foods, cut up veggies with chili sauce right beside it, some veggie sushi (I know you like su****oo),  and maybe a mock sweet item.  Hmm, maybe I should do this too!hehe  

Battle it girl, exercise, read, get on that bike and pretend to forget the time again.lol  It's hard to battle depression, only thing that's keeping me alive atm is trying to ignore it and pushing myself.  I hope you figure out what works for you.  If not we are always here to stop you from grazing.  I know I am....."as I kick your butt!".  

How long has it been since you took some time for Em??  

(((HUGGSS)))

And I miss you...hang around more often! 

Thanks for missing me!

Nightmares... I am sure you are on the right track there.  The Dr wanted to bump me up to a higher dose but I am not happy on this dose.  I have tried other ones in the past- and have had all sort of allergic reactions.  So am not sure what would be worse- the lag time and allergy risk changing or the nightmares.

Veggies cut up ready to munch.  That sounds like a plan of attack. Especially with chilli- that should slow me down!

The hard thing is having to try and put on the brave face all the time- work, family, friends.

Thanks for the butt kick.  : )

I have missed you and all the folks here too.

Em

 

Awwe, Sweet Baby Em, it is so good to see your cute li'l face!   We missed ya like crazee.

Now Sweetie, you know that I would NEVER kick your butt, especially after all that you've endured over the last few months.  I mean, let's face it, your life did suck and you have every right to go into a funk cuz that's how our brains deal with these things...they shut down and have a hard time giving a damn.  But just the fact that you're back means that you are coming out of your funk, even if it's just a li'l bit.  Stick around and let us help you get back on the path of your journey because unfortunately for us, this journey never ends and we have to keep going no matter what else is going on in the other parts of our lives.

And that's another thing I've noticed.  It never gets any easier!  One would think that with all of the hundreds of pounds that we've lost that we would be pros by now at our relationships with food.  But let us get just slightly off guard and BAM, back we go to our old ways of dealing with things.  That's why we need to come here and be with the people who are working it, cuz they can hold us up when we're having a hard time dealing.  Lord knows you've done it for us, so now it's our turn to do it for you. 

And another thing...I know how that perfectionist mind of yours works!  For us, it's all or nothing.  But ya know what, there are times when discussing things is just as important as having things done perfectly.  We're seeking perfection in an imperfect world, so I guess that means that we are the ones who need to change.  Personally I think that's backwards, but apparently nobody is listening to ME!

So keep talking to us, even if it's just to say that your knew puppy peed the floor.  We hate it when you go away!

  Mary 

Yep... it is backwards. LOL

It is a sad irony- life doesn't change when you hit goal.  You just have to keep trying.  Keep focus.  Keep working out.  Cause those fat cell are hiding around the corner lining up to come back home. It's up to us to keep the door locked.  At the moment I feel like I snuck a peek outside into 'binge land' and the fat is trying to rip the door off it's hinges while I and pushing hard to shut it again....

The puppy peed on the floor...

but I forgive him cause he looks up at me with those huge brown 'I love you' eyes and snuggles me.

(((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))

Em 

 

 

 

Em.. I'm sorry you're having a rough go of it right now... I can certainly identify with a lot of what you've said - especially about "self medicating with food".  I think we've all had experiences with this- and the self loathing that comes afterwards.

It takes time for anti depressants to work from what I hear.  I've never had the patience to stick with them long enough to find out - so I couldn't say for sure.  We both know what else battles depression......... EXERCISE!  Yea... it sucks when you don't feel like it but if you can get through a workout it might help.  Now this is something I do have experience with.  I've been battling depression since I was a kid and I know that a regular exercise routine helped me tremendously.

Be kind to yourself...   

I'm praying for ya...  
Lori

Sometimes Lori I feel so disconnected that I forget basic things.  Like the important role exercise can play.  So thankyou for the reminder, I have ramped it up these last 2 days and I am starting to feel slightly more in control at least.

It is a hard battle depression.  I wish I knew what I could do to make it disappear forever, and if I find out I'll let you know too!

Em

Dear Em:

My advice is to get yourself to a meeting of Overeaters Anonymous so you can get some real help for this problem before it becomes your undoing.  I've never been able to fight off binges by myself - I need other understanding people to talk with about my real feelings instead of stuffing them, and I need the help of my Higher Power to keep me abstinent (refraining from compulsive overeating).  OA is a spiritual program, but you don't have to join a particular religion to join it - just be open to help from a Power greater than yourself.  It sounds like you may be suffering from food addiction, which is using food to comfort and control your emotions, instead of dealing with the pain inside without food.  I also agree that anti-depressants don't always help in that situation. 

I am very concerned for you, because I've been in the same situation myself - it's very difficult to fight on your own.

Denise Phares/kitties4

Thanks for the idea Denise- I'll look into what is available locally.

The problem I find with anti depressants is that they flat line your emotions.  The downs and the 'ups'.  So sure the sad part improves but at the expense of the joy and enthusiam- I often end up feeling very 'nothing'.

Em

 

Hey Em:
I was SO happy to see your post on the PS board this morning.  Girl, we've missed you like crazy!!  And no butt kickin' necessary.  We all go through rough periods; cut yourself some slack.  Your LBL was MAJOR surgery and that's hard on the body and emotions!
I see that you have an adorable new .  I'm sure he puts a smile on your face everytime you spend time with him/snuggle with him.
Remember how far you've come and pat yourself on the back for that.   You've done an amazing job of losing the weight and looking BEYOND fabulous! 
Love ya girl,
Kimmie

Guess what Kimmie?  My scars are starting to fade a bit.  Now that is good. Plus I have round 2 booked.  Not sure about exactly what to do in round 2... but it's booked.

Don't feel beyond fabulous.  But that's a thought.  I LOVE trying on clothes now.  Maybe I should hit that shops and just try some stuff on to motivate myself to stay this size.  Especially since summer clothes are just being displayed here.

Missed you too... how's your merkin? : )

Love Em