A less than supportive spouse

I've yo-yo'ed numerous times in my life and am back up at the high threshold of my weight (though of course the last time I was lean I promised myself I would never return here.)  Anyway I've mentioned to my wife that there is a surgical option to my obesity, but she is not supportive of it.  I must say though that the subject line of this thread is not exactly accurate as she is supportive of my weight issues just not wls....for me.  I just found this board as I try to address my obesity through diet and exercise (again.)  So far so good today, but then again I've only had breakfast thus far...we'll see how lunch goes.  Check out my profile for some good reading and some interesting photos.

Sonny

Sonny, I read your profile.  Something stood out for me..."Is it me, or does there seem to be a pattern developing here?  Apparently, after being able to get chiseled for a short time, I always seem to eventually become chubby again.    Currently, I am "chubbier" than ever (though admittedly a lightweight by bariatric standards) at 235 lbs, which is the heaviest I've ever been"

The pattern is yo-yoing and the price is that each time you do that you regain not only the weight you lost but more weight than you had previously.  The cause?  Dieting.

This was a huge lesson for me.  I dieted my way up to 345lbs (my highest ever, and I am a 5'6 woman, not a linebacker).  Last year, I came to this forum as I began my journey.  I was 320lbs.  I wanted to lose 150lbs plus.  Instead of WLS, I opted that my last natural resort before really considering surgery would be a trainer, something I'd never done.

Long story short (you can read my story in detail on my blog), my biggest lesson was that dieting is a critical problem.  It's not a popular thought here as many believe it's the end-all-be-all, but I have lived it and had professional confirmation.  Most recently from my dietician who concurred that low carb is best for obesity and eating to BMR is critical.  Most popular diets don't consider what your BMR is when choosing your caloric level and most also allow for common problem/trigger foods that counter one's weight loss goals (like HFCS, etc.).  In fact, most popular diets limit fat which is actually necessary for succesful weight loss! 

Most people diet with their calories too low.  I believe from what you wrote that may have been  your problem too.  We think it's all about eat less, move more.  No, it's about eat enough, eat right for you, and move more.

You already have the move part down...you know how to workout.  Don't lose that.

Just change your eating habits.

Surely as a gymrat you won't find this new info, but you  may realize you're not doing it now...here are my beliefs about what it takes to lose weight:
-eat clean (no processed foods)
-eat low carb, no sugar, moderate fat (NOT low fat)  (google low carb menus or go to genaw.com/lowcarb for great ideas
-plan your menus so you're not likely to cheat
-plan treats you can do instead of cheats
-shop and cook for yourself, have food ready in your fridge so it's easy to stay on plan)
-eat to your BMR at a bare minimum and depending on how much you work out, no more than 600 calories over your BMR
-work out 5-6x a week (strength train 3x and cardio daily to an hour at a moderate to high intensity)
-challenge yourself, never let your workouts get easy by you being complacent
-be consistent
-be realistic with your weight loss goals (.5 lb a week is a real goal, The Biggest Loser drops are not!)
-be realistic with your goal weight (I have been told that due to my muscularity, I will likely be between 180 and 210 at goal (<30%bodyfat).  I will never be 140lbs as I had imagined--it's not in my body. 
-realize this is a journey and will take time (I have thought and been told I'm a slow loser, but I've learned that's for the best!)

You can do it without surgery.  I and others here are proof.

Hope my thoughts help. 

Congratulations, Jersey Girl! I, too, have both lost weight (seems insignificant compared to some, but I wasn't SOME, I was me!) and have seen dear friends lose a lot of weight WITHOUT surgery. One has kept it off six years, so that tosses the theory that it must come back on if you don't have surgery (her loss was 152lbs, not 25).

If my spouse was considering weight loss surgery, I would be exceptionally supportive of a complete re-make of his "diet". I HATE the word diet in the context in which it's commonly used. Think of how you discuss a race horse's "diet". Does it mean Hoof Hearted counts his calories and eats teaspoons of good stuff? NO... Hoof Hearted's "diet" means his daily nutritional intake.

We're faced with an obesity epidemic in our nation today, and it's spreading around the world thanks to our over abundance of poor quality so-called food. Misinformation adds to the problem. For instance; coconut oil is something I consume daily. It helps my metabolism and I am better able to burn bad fat.

Anyway, to the poster - obviously your wife loves you and does not want you to risk death to release excess weight. Bless her heart. I hope you find a satisfactory alternative that works well and makes you healthier. I have, and hundreds of people I know have. One of my dearest friends dropped his 100 pounds about the same time as I dropped my pesky 30. We celebrate all the time as we are hitting our two year anniversary.

All the best.

mom and OP...

Mom--CO ROCKS!  Saturated and monounsaturated fats help weight loss!  Glad you found that.  Yes, tons of  misinformation!

Re: WLS, patients risk significant regain due to caloric levels, so WLS is no guarantee. 

Re: spouse, her lack of supporting WLS may prove a good thing!  My first trainer said he wouldn't let me have WLS (not that he had that much control over my decision), but I came to learn that it wasn't the best route for me and why.  I don't look back.

re: significance of weight loss, those who measure mine as slow, don't get that I'm half way there, that I averaged 1lb a week, that it's more likely to stay gone, and more.  Our world perpetuates a ton of weight loss myths like fat is bad for you, weight loss should be linear and fast, and more.

 

I agree with everything you wrote.  I am unfortunately a victim of my own compulsiveness.  They say that knowledge is power, but that is not exactly correct.  Applied knowledge really is power.  I don't need to lose weight to win a car or be paid for it.  I need to lose weight to live a longer healthier life.  I realize that moderation is the key to long term sucess, but over my lifetime (I'm 48) I've learned I'm not (up to this point) a person of moderation.  Most things are done to extreme....sometimes at the expense of other important things.  I am going into this next diet (eating sensibly using moderation)....maybe I should have said "dietary phase" being aware of my weaknesses, though I've said this to myself before.  I appreciate the time you took to respond to me and I'm gonna give it a try.  Maybe a salad with some chicken breast for lunch?  I need to end my gluttonous ways.  I can eat just about anything, just not everyday.  I know what to do, I've just got to do it.  Unfortunately I also know through personal experience its not that easy.  Wish me luck....I'll need it.

Sonny

Careful.  Gluttonous is such a loaded and negative word!

If I could get one thing across to you, it would be find out your BMR and live to it.  For me that was such an eye opener.  My BMR is 1900-2100 approximately.  I was eating much less than that.  My diet range is actually 1900-2500 calories.  My diet includes lots of veggies, proteins and fats and I enjoy sugar free cheesecake.  Sounds gluttonous--but moves the weight.

Be careful with how you view what it takes.  KWIM?

You were supposed to laugh at the horse's name - Hoof Hearted. Guess that's an old one.

I enjoy an awesome whey shake for breakfast daily, and if I've been too generous with dinner I have one for lunch as well. We typically eat a bunch of fresh vegetables and fruits during this time of bounty. One other thing those over 30 should probably consider - digestive enzymes. A nourished body isn't as prone to cravings and overeating *IN MY OPINION*. I'd check out some full spectrum digestive enzymes even though you're obviously only 28.

;-)

Look at all the support! We'll be your cheering section.

Ruth

A nourished body isn't as prone to cravings and overeating *IN MY OPINION*.

Ruth - I VER MUCH second this! When we make sure on a daily basis to eat all the good stuff, there is not time or room for the crap!

Good stuff = lean proteins, lowfat dairy, leafy greens, veggies in general, 1-2 pieces fruit, small portions of high quality grains, small portions of nuts, nut butters, good fats like olive, canola, safflower.

HI Sonny

I am also a wls liteweight; but way too fat for my liking. At this stage, more than for someone who is 100# overweight, we may as well face facts and do what we need to do here.

I know Jerz well enuf to know that when she uses the term "diet", she means don't do low cal plans.

When I use the term diet, it means whatever food plan in place, whatever it is, has its parameters, defined by YOU and YOUR body. 

Like Jerz, I do not think very low cal plans work long term.  No worries, not many can stick to it without drugs for too long, so moot point. Unlike Jerz, I know that calories do count - your body has its own threshhold of where you will lose or maintain. 

Most people underestimate caloric intake by 30% or better.  Find out what you do eat on a typical day - measure it, log it, study trends over at least a 6 week period. Then do start with an online bmr calc, but do not be surprised if your body needs  do not match it. Us older peeps have metabolic loss to contend with, usually.

Your body will tell you how much it needs.  Just play with numbers! EAT! Do not be afraid of good food in reasonable portions. All I would say is don't be in the habit of filling up to the point of too full, try to eat slowly and get to satiation. You can get fat on good whole food - calories do count at a point.

We all know the foods to avoid:  fast foods, foods high in bad fats and high added sugar. If this type of food is your porblem, that habit must be broken until your head is in a good place to be able to eat it very occasionally in small amounts.

Are you working out? If so, good.  if not, get that way and work toward most days doing something, heavy on aerobics, and 2-3x weekly, conditioning like weights/resistance training.

Best of luck, stick around!

Oh Neecee, I very much believe calories count, but diet calories are part of the problem.  BMR is simple, easy, on target, and delivers results.  Diet calories deliver yo-yo results.