why is the struggle so hard?

Hi, I am new here. I have been gaining and losing weight since age 10. I am now forty. I have been almost morbidly obese and anorexic. I currently have about 35 pounds to lose and I lose a few gain a few etc. I know that I am eating out of habit to comfort myself but I can't seem to stop for any period of time. I am tired of the struggle. I have had so much therapy of every kind, I just want the craziness and struggle to end. I am sooooo tired of it. Any advice? Thanks

Hello: While I am not sure why is harder for some of us ... I know that we are usually harder on ourselves then others could possibly be. If, for example, in place of the I's in your post, you put my name, Sunshinecoast, how would you react?   LIkely with empathy, understanding and gentleness.  So, I would urge you to allow yourself the same choice.    We are none of us perfect.  I would bet that in other areas of your life you are 100% 'together'.  I know I am.   I know, I know, weight and what the world thinks of us is so important.....but truly should it be? ( Preaching to myself here my friend )   So for today, try to believe in the old but true:  One day at a time.  Today I will be understanding of myself. Today if I fall off the wagon and eat 6 chocolate bars ( not that that has ever happened to me of course......... heh, heh, heh ... sigh ) I will pick myself up, brush myself off and start all over again.  The words, you are not alone, is of little comfort, when you are weary weary weary.... but please know that you are NOT alone in this struggle. I wish you a peaceful night tonight and a good day tomorrow.

Thank you so much for your reply. It was very caring and reminded me that I am not being so nice to myself. And, I really did want to know that I am not alone so your words are very comforting. I wish you a peaceful night and day, too. Your reply meant more than you know. T

I think sometimes the way one diet goes against what their body wants and needs and the mind then reacts.  I know I felt that way on low fat/low cal.  Dieting via low carb has not only improved my weight loss and made it more natural and easy, it also alleviated my head craziness.  Just my experience.

Hi Claire, while I know exactly what you mean, it does not have to be "hard"!  That it is hard is a choice we make. Sure, if regular exercise is out of our comfort zone, it does get better, at least for me it did. I found I felt better once I got up out of bed (which is the hard part, right?) and got moving.  Relatively quickly, I latched onto the GOOD feelings rather than the BAD ones.  Same with eating. I got ten plus years on you and only recently figured this part out. Moreso, I envision me eating whatever is in front of me iin the right way.  Before, i would eat too much of it, then move right into guilt, self-hatred, etc. NOW, I try to work past the behavior that gets me to that bad state of mind.  Just like with exercise, I am working more at feeling the positive benefits of not overeating or eating crappy grades of foods. I am sure you realize by now eating crap just is not fun AFTER we do it, right?  Why not plan to do it right BEFORE we eat it?  I must also point out that if your exercise or food plan is *that hard* maybe you can try something else. I do hope that you do not depend on low cal diet plans and wonder why you are cranky and bummed out.   I would also comment that if your exercise is say, with a trainer that you really do not like or something, stop , now...and find anything else to do.  I know for me, being outside and breathing fresh air and seeing plants helps the time not seem so tedious and boring.  I am proud to admit that I am an exercise NUT and if I did not love my DH so much and want to hang out with him here and there, i would be out there nearly all of my free time, biking, kayaking, walking, hiking, swimming.... Anyhooo, welcome!  and jump in here, read what many of us are doing. Believe you me, i get plenty sick and tired about it all, too, but i will NOT stay in that frame of mind too long.  That type of thinking is a COP-OUT, it can turn into a way to not do what we know what we need to be doing, have you noticed that??????

My struggle of over 50 years ended when I got the lapband.  I have maintained my size 4-6 for two years now.  Good luck to you, I know how hard it is, harder I've heard then getting off of drugs.

Wow, you've been morbidly obese and you've been way too thin, so to say that you have a seriously bad relationship with food is an understatement.  Unfortunately, for people like us, the struggle NEVER ends.  The best we can do is change our attitude toward comfort food enough to know that it will never love us back and it actually doesn't like us at all.  The only purpose it serves is to remind us that we are failures at discipline.  But technically, it's not our fault.  All of those processed carbs and sugars only serve to make you crave more carbs and sugars, and as JG said, it's a chemical process in our bodies that we overcome by eating low carb.  Even if you've tried low carb in the past, you may want to take another look at it and give a serious try.  Like I always say, there is NO COMFORT in the first five days of Atkins, and if you can make it through without taking someone's head off, you'll feel a lot better. And cut yourself some slack Sweetie cuz the way we talk to ourselves is so important to the way we love ourselves.  Once you love yourself enough to care what you say to yourself, you can start to love yourself enough to care what is going in your body.  I have a friend with an eating disorder and she's not willing to face facts.  But life is full of unpleasant facts that we either face head on or deal with the consequences later.  Take charge now and later will be something for you to look forward to! Mary

Thank you all for your wise and helpful replies. I do need to be more careful about carbs and not be so hard on myself. I really appreciate all the thoughts about exercise and that the struggle does not end but our attitude and knowledge can help. I LOVE this site and you all for your thoughtfulness. I look forward to responding to you. Thank you so much.