Confession: I ate cake

Don't ask me why.. I haven't a clue.. but I did it in the middle of the night and yes, of course... my blood sugar is 170  this morning. I wish there was a place to escape to where this crap wasn't around me all the time.  I absolutely KNOW these choices are MINE and mine alone.. but it's kinda like being an addict and being around people who are always getting high.. eventually I'm gonna say "yea.. ok.. sure.. gimme a hit".   Well...  too bad this just wasn't a "hit"... I was digging my fork into banana cream cake and strawberry shortcake. Now I feel like total CRAP and I gotta get through this freaking day.  I can't even leave to go work down this blood sugar.  It's just impossible... I'm going to be back to 300 pounds before I leave here. 

Take it from someone who just let a slip like that turn into a two week binge.....PUT DOWN THE FORK! We all have those moments (come on everyone, fess up).  Lori..you would be the first person to tell me not to let it get the best of you and get right back on track this morning.  The real danger isn't in those calories (carbs) you consumed last night, but in what it does to your mindset and resolve and what you do with it today. Like Em says....you just stopped at a major tourist attraction last night and time to get back on the road this morning.  I know your trip right now is like cruisin the strip at Vegas (all kinds of distractions) but you've been on this journey long enough to stick to the highway.  Just use your GPS and you'll get to your destination. Forgive yourself and move on....you'll really feel like crap if you let it get the best of you.  (Believe me, I know...working hard here to repair the damage of the last two weeks). Praying for you....

I'm with Sherri on this one! You are in a tough situation and cut yourself some slack! I'm confessing to Lori.... I'm also WITH YOU... I ate a piece of cake not FIVE minutes ago!!  It was pineapple upside down cake and not very sweet.. but it WAS CAKE!  Hang in there. Just keep on truckin!

Ahhh the dreaded cake!  You know I don't keep off limits sweets in my house but yet I still seem to indulge in them at least once a week. I don't think you're ever going to be able to completely get away from them.  You're going through a tough time right now.  Give yourself some credit for not completely caving and eating the stuff everyday.  We're all in it with you.  This weekend I had fried fish (ahh breading!), hush puppies, fries and some  caramel covered cheesecake.  You better believe I was forking it all in. Oh, not to mention a pint of Jaigermeister and a beer.  It's all good, I was back on track sunday and laughing about my drunken escapades. Just accept it and move on. It's not going to put you at 300lbs but if you dwell on it you'll likely give in more often and then you will be back where you started. Chin up babe!

Thank you all.....   I just feel so damned guilty over this.  It's been hard enough to keep the water weight from creeping up on me and I've just worked so damned hard over the past 7 months or so............  I can't believe I would do that to myself. It's an arduous task , to say the very least, when it comes to providing meals for Joyce's family and friends who pop in nightly.. by the time I'm done serving them, I'm just too freaking tired to do the right thing for myself. This way of eating that I used to love is turning into a burden. Man, I just wanna hit the gym for a nice sweaty workout to work through these rustrations.... but instead I'm running her around to stores and lugging mulch, and today I have to clean the wood floors. My sister who promised to help showis up just long enough to tell me what I'm doing wrong and brings in all these decadent cakes and crap. Oh.. I just got a ticket on the way home from home depot for not wearing a seatbellt.  Joyce was in the car freaking out and I was like "Joy.. .shut the F *ck up...  all she was doing was ******g off the cop and I just wanted to ge my ticket and get the f*ck outta there! Sorry for the non-christian attitude here...   This cake eating has me in a tailspin. Wish there was some sort of support around here... Love yaz Lori

Hang in there Lori.   Your testing yourself and it doesn't seem like your getting much help.  Make your sister come over and STAY for a while so you can get out of the house and away from taking care of Joyce and away from the cleaning and cooking.  Just because you are taking care of her doesn't mean you don't need time for yourself!  You need to go to the gym or whatever you want to do.  Maybe even do something else, like go to a movie, something! Call back that sis of yours or whomever is around, and take some time for yourself.  Sounds like you need it. (((HUGGGS))) Holly

I THOUGHT i noticed the shaodw over the sun at that VERY moment!!!!!! Lor, you are doing fantastic under stressful situations away from your home and a routine of your own. Don't even b trippin here. You are doing the best you can, woob. I don't want you to feel crappy from the sugar, but that was probably its own punishment, right? ((((((Lor)))))))

Lori, you're going through a helluva time right now.  Don't beat yourself up.  You're allowed to screw up.  Just keep your health in mind (ie: blood sugar).  Splurge on something not so sweet the next time you're in the mood to be devilish.  Like chips and dip or something.

(((((BIG HUG)))))

Yanno.. I didn't even FEEL like splurging!!!!  It was just THERE... ALL BIG AND FLUFFY WITH WHIPPED CREAM AND STRAWBERRIES AND BANANAS... Carol showed up at 4:00.... and left to "run to the store" at 4:30.. and haven't seen her since.  Some freakin' help!  She won't even allow me time to take a freakin' walk.   I just told my other sister, Debi, that I may want to go home for a couple of weeks and I got the old Italian guilt thing "well.. who is gonna give her the meds in the morning and make her breakfast and take her to chemo".. Um.. Jerky.. .I'll be back before it's time for CHEMO and I'll get her through the rough parts, but maybe I could go clean my own freakin' house for a change... I don't care.. chop some wood, see my trainer.. SEE MY SHRINK...   Oh hell.. no sense in complaining.  I was making myself some chicken but needed the pan to make them dinner, so I just took out the half cooked chicken and threw it in a baggie and in the fridge.  I tell Joyce I'm not hungry cause I don't want her to feel bad.. but after ripping apart the kitchen and sterilizing it today and up and down the stairs to do several loads of laundry.. and dishes that keep getting left.. (*well.. most of you women know the deal).. I was just too tired to care what I ate.  i picked up sabrett beef dogs at 1 carb per dog  and if I get desperate .. they are in there... but so is that banana cream cake. Could it be that carol is trying to sabotage me?  She already made comments that  weight only 20 lbs more than she does.. (she;s 5'4" and I'm 5'6".) Maybe I'm just being tired and paranoid....  but man.......  some serious doobage would go down nicely right now if I thought I wouldn't cough up a lung...   Oh.. and as I'm grabbing a few private moments h ere... I get called "Lori... I got an appointment with Dr. Uhm at 2:30 tomorrow."..   Well.. Tell carol so she doesn't think I'm planning our day around her... I think the oncologist is a little more important than carol's overly sensitive and absolutely rediculous emotions. Well.. tomorrow I was to tear apart the living room and santize that to the best of my ability! LORD...... The song of the day  "Consider my affliction... and please deliver me...   plead my cause and redeem me".....   Don't laugh at me... I'm  not crazy, just a little nuts right now.. LOL Thanks guys for letting me rant.. And Neecee.. thanks for the call.... it was a delightful distraction to an otherwise stressful day!! Bless you all Lori

I loved talking to you too. It was very cool.   And do NOT commit doobage - o.m.g., talk about mack attack!