Partners in Crime -Just love that Em..it's so perfect!

I got a problem, it's my partner, my dear ol' husband.  Well and there is kids!  I'm so stuck with this problem.  Want some of your input on how you guys handle it.  PEER PRESSURE-FAMILY PRESSURE!! I'm so sick of mentioning that I have to eat right.  Within a day my dh totally forgets about it and either brings stuff in the house or announces we are going out to eat.  This man's eyes are about four times bigger than his stomach.  We always have to order appetizers, and has even bought  two plates because he never knows what to eat!  When he eats chips, it's not per ounce, a serving is a whole bag.  Today is his 32nd birthday and I'm making him stew and cookies for his bday.  My mom knows how he is so she wants to do some what of a joke on him (but he will actually love it),  we are putting on the table his cookies, his stew, and I'm going to buy a KFC bucket meal and put it out on the table for him (My moms present to him and idea).  We're actually thinking of other things to put out there.  The man is out of control.  But then my mom wants to buy him a bottle of Tums and put it on the table also.  Then my kids won't eat at home because it's only healthy food (the teenagers).  It makes me feel bad, I guess I'm jealous they would rather eat over at their friends house.  Then the two little ones yells for icecream, only wants cheese on their taco, etc.  Just ALL bad stuff!!!  I'm feeling like I"m overloading on bad vibes from this house.  I know it's me in control, and there is no excuses.  But man, this is bad!  This house is sooooo out of control!!  And here I'm scared for my life atm!! Help

I have SOOO been there....still am, but not like when the kids were home. It is rough.  My beloved now is an ex scrawny guy who is not so scrawny anymore and in denial. He needs to get a grip, but is not there yet.   He buys giant bags of chips - I mean bigger than pillows! Every weekend he starts in - how about eggs and taters? biscuits and gravy? pancakes butter and real maple syrup?   Hmmmmmm? Every weekend I say you go on ahead and eat that...and so we go. Once in a while I will have some portion of what he makes, but he no longer calls my shots. I can't do it anymore. He cannot either, but this is not my area of control. I let the chips go soft, the ice cream grows crystals....I cannot eat it. You would think he would quit =dragging these giant bags home and three kinds of ice cream, but he does not catch on even when we toss it out. I will say that he does not beg for desserts very often, so i don't have to face that too often!

HE is the reason i will never be a size 8! It is a constant battle. All i can say Holly, is, let him order two plates of appetizers and you eat one teeny plate and leave it. He eats it, or takes it home, but you will not.  sucks.

Husbands certainly can be our partners in crime.  They can try and lead us back down the progress mountain too by tempting us with our favourite goodies. They just haven't got the message that we are trying to change those habits, perhaps they don't like the fact that our habits are changing because they enjoyed the times spent indulging with us? Maybe they don't like to eat alone cause they feel guilty too?

Holly, I have to say that the best advice I can share for times like this is to use strategies that he can't argue against.  Personally, whenever I at fatty snack foods (even a small amount) I would loudly complain (you know men- it has to be obvious!) that the food was giving me a stomach upset making me feel ill.  That way next time I'd be able to act all regretful and sad that I couldn't have that snack but "It made me feel so sick last time".  If I mentioned that it make me feel like I was going to vomit that is usually enough to deter my hubby.

Another strategy is the "small dish" strategy.  Grab one of those tiny little Asian bowls- put that small quantity of snack food in it then THAT'S IT.

Let me share another technique I use.  I haven't ever mentioned this one before, but it does work for me.  But it sounds kind of weird.  I use mental imagery about the food.  I saw it on a TV show about hypnotising.  They said to link the food with something you hate. Personally I am really grossed out by non-food bits in my food.  So, I imagine that the pizza was accidently dropped on the floor and has bits of dirt of dog hair in it.  Ewwww... Chocolate- I imagine that when it was being made the worker accidently sneezed over the vat of melted chocolate. Crisps- I imagine that the bag was dropped on the floor and has been brushed up using a dustpan and brush and put back into the bag.... Honestly, when I imagine that, I can't even stmach the idea of eating it.

As for dinners- they are the worst. Basically it gave me the license not to cook- YEAH! BUT I have yet to find a guilt free takeaway that is worth the money.  I use portion and salad/veggie technique at times like this.  Just last weekend we had pizza.  I LOVE pizza. BUT, to minimise calorie damage I made a huge bowl of salad and had some salad first, then a slice of pizza with some more salad, then finished off with more salad.  I only had one slice of pizza.  Before losing weight I have been known to eat as many as 8 slices!   But with all the salad I was happy, and with all those extra slices of pizza to eat available my family was happy too!

For me, as much as I want my hubby to change his ways, I have had to mentally break the link between his diet and mine.  I look out for ME.  If he chooses to overeat, that's his problem- he's an adult. 

Kids. Hard to change their habits when they are teens.  I started mine very young and they not only eat but like healthy food.  All my kids are slim, infact my heaviest kid is still in the bottom end of normal BMI. Have you ever seen "Deceptively Delicious" byJessica Seinfeld? http://deceptivelydelicious.com/site/  She basically adds pureed veggies/fruit to foods to essentially trick her kids into eating it.  I have always added veggies- eg my spaghetti sauce includes grated carrots and zucchini, and I always serve it with veggie/or salad sides.

I think when it come to kids and food you have to be tough. If one only wants cheese say NO. Insist they have a little salad/meat THEN they can have cheese. Start with small quanities and praise them eating it.  In time they will get used to it.  If they'll eat meat then maybe the pureed veggies into the meat could work? Being able to eat a range of foods is  gift for your children- they will always be able to eat out and never feel embarrassed about being a picky eater.

One Aussie author said something in a parenting book that always stayed with me, it was in a FAQ section and the parent asked "My child will only eat chocolate chip biscuis, what do I do?" His answer was Does your child drive? Does your child have an income? Does your child do they groceries? NO? Who is buying the chocolate chip biscuits? YOU are. Don't buy them. No child will starve when food is available.   That made me decide that I am in charge of what they eat. I am in charge of giving them a healthy diet. They don't understand nutrition, so it's up to me to teach them about balance and healthy foods. My kids like icecream too- but they are lucky to get it once or twice a month.  Even then it's always served with fruit.

One thing I have found is that when I set the example for healthy choices the children learn to follow. They copy me.

The teens.  hmmm... how old are they? Mine are 16 and 15.  I think I would just set particular days when they HAVE to eat at home. Make sure those meals are healthy yet appealing.  Eg lean meat hamburgers with heaps of salad. (you can always skip the bun yourself if you prefer), or spaghetti (add all those hidden veggies), stir fry with a tasty sauce- make it appealing by serving it on Asian crockery? Sushi?

Anyway- don't let them drag you down! Be strong to yourself.  Worst case scenario- you are alone eating the healthy part of the meal while they all chow down on the meat/cheese and carb part.  Let go of it for now if you have to.  In time your weight will drop and maybe they will realise what's working for you and copy.  If not, at least you will be healthy for YOU!

Gee this turned out long didn't it?

Em

wonderful tips Em! Especially since my babies are still so young, i can certainly use them. They are not overweight but Brent won't eat a lot at this point (except cookies and sandwiches) but I believe in the golden rule:

I decide WHAT they eat, they decide HOW MUCH They eat.

Always a small dessert (mini fruit yoghurt) even if they did not eat. But no extra cooking, making sandwiches or whatever if they did not eat dinner.

But, of course for Rachel it is a totally different thing with teens... BRRR I have many years to go lucky me before I hit that spot.

There are always 2 dinner choices at our house:

Take it or leave it.

Em

Ha, Carina...you just quoted my hero Ellyn Satter, who says that exact thing:  parents decide what will be eaten and kids get to say how much.  In my childhood, my parents dished us up then crammed it down our throats, every bite. I will say that none of us were picky! For my kids, the "rule" was try a bite, one bite - if you really don't like it, you do not have to fini**** My kids ate brussel sprouts, cabbage, spinach, beets - many veggies kids usually hate.  In general, I tried to put out a balanced meal; we did not have the money to eat out much or buy junk foods, so that was good.  Ate lots of popcorn, that's about as exotic as it got. We made sun tea rather than soda or koolaid. I will admit I made desserts a couple times a week - a big thing in my ex's traditions. The other thing, it was hard to have fresh produce around - didn't have a car lots of the time, seems like we ate lots of hot dogs, beans and taters and mac/cheese! Now, when they got into jr high, it started going to hell in a handbasket. They starved to lose weight, like their friends. In high school, in my mind, all bets are off - they have their own money, wheels, yes, you can drag them home here and there, but they have 75% -90% choice on what is eaten.  They *usually* go back to their roots.  My girls with families of their own are cooking, do okay with meals.  My youngest DD buys twinkies and poptarts and pepsi....cringe..........she was not treated like that! I alwasy bag on her about it.

Yes, Em, i do many of the same techniques that you do - i do not want to make a big scene, but i will get MY WAY, too. I have to keep my blinders on to focus on MY plan. I was thinking that dh's can be eating buddies...somehow, if another person joins in with you on a bad choice, it's okay????? Remember when your mom said if SHE jumped off a bridge...would you do it TOOOOO?????? that is dead on actually! just about anyone you spend lots of time with will have an influence on your choices. I am trying to be accountable to me!

Perhaps I'm abnormal or something.  What my wife eats doesn't tempt me. She eats ice cream, pop tarts, pasta and lots of other stuff.  I never partake of these items at home. It's when I go out that I go, "OH I WANT ICE CREAM..."  She usually cooks the meals these days and she does try to prepare low carb meals but if she wants some type of carb that I can't have she cooks that too.  I just don't eat it.   There's a 5 lb bag of Chex Mix sitting at home right now. (one of my favs) I haven't touched it, nor will I.  Forgive me for being blunt or insensitive, but I just don't see what the big deal is. Let them eat what they want and you eat what you know you have to eat. I know it's easier when the stuff isn't in the house. Peanut Butter is not safe around me but the wife loves it too.  So we have it in the house. I fight it all the time and I win most of the time.  Only thing I know to tell you is let them go and let them do whatever they're gonna do. You just be responsible and accountable to yourself. You're putting your health in their hands by allowing their bringing the foods in to have power over you. You take charge of yourself and figure out what you have to do to resist those foods. You're not going to be able to avoid the food forever. It's always going to be there.  Trying to force them to eat more healthy is never going to work. That's like trying to force someone to quit smoking, drinking or abusing drugs. You can't expect them to jump in the boat with you, especially when they've been this way most or all of their lives.  Think about how hard it is for you to avoid these foods..  Imagine how hard it is for them as well since they don't feel they have a need to diet.