Challenge...Old Trainer Wants a Testimonial

I know PR and I know how to spin things, but this is tough--my old trainer wants all of us to write a testimonial, provide before and after pictures, etc.  At first he sought feedback and I thought Great, time to offer constructive criticism, but then he hinted "be kind."  Well, I'm not feeling so kind.  The further I get away from it the more I realize, he screwed up with me. Guys, this Challenge was NOT a good experience for me (and had he done things differently, it could have been).  In addition to the absolutely childish drama I had to deal with from him and two teammates, I had to create my own level of challenge (outside things), seek support elsewhere, and add to that gym management made the program lack communication and organization.  Frankly, as a former teacher, I'd give it a C+ and that's being generous. I figure I'll not think about it for a few days and not write it while I'm feeling any negativity, but frankly, the more I work with Karissa, the more I get what I need (stuff my old trainer made me feel bad for wanting).  I'm starting to realize it was him and not me, that that stuff I wanted was totally appropriate and necessary.  Yes, I still got a workout, yes, I still lost weight and got fitter.  I just know it could have been something more.  I see how she really gets "customer service" part of the training relationship and that he didn't.  (I'm loving working with her--I'm feeling challenged, connected, and protected.) I'm struggling with this.  I want to say, FU, not gonna write it, but if I don't, it just perpetuates the drama with him.  You can ask how--well, when I see him now, he clearly holds something against me, whereas I have tried to put the past in the past and just move forward.  I try to act with dignity and just be pleasant.  If I can find something positive to say, it can feed at least some level with him so that things at least get more comfortable one day.  And since I'm not leaving the gym, I will still see him.  People Pleaser Me likes things to be cool with people--no drama....

After all the stuff that happened, I quite frankly cannot believe he even asked you!  I wouldn't tell him to F-off or anything, but I would simply let him know that due to your experiences with him, you don't feel comfortable doing a TESTIMONIAL. I am not sure exactly what this testimonial is going to be used for -- around the gym or what?!?!   But....regardless, I don't see you as the BS type to just say something and try to fluff it up to be nice -- nor do I think you SHOULD.  I couldn't.  Be polite about it and tell him you don't feel you can do that at this point.  If he can't handle it and makes it some big dramatic thing then he IS the one with the problem and he may need to learn to grow up a bit!  From what you've said, I think you feel the same way -- I am just reiterating it and saying how I view the situation!  Good luck!

No matter what the personal reasons he may have for wanting the testimonial, he is not entitled to receiving one unless you have the time and decide to do one.  I remember the words that thumper's mom (in Bambi) told him, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  I will modify that to say that you don't have to give him anything you don't honestly feel you can say freely and without reservation.  You are the customer.  You only need to give what you want to in this.  If he gets glowing personal reports, it could mislead another person to go for his services and experience another unleasant situation. You finally have the kind of customer service that you wanted and deserve. Don't feel guilty about it either.  I also like to have relationships everywhere to be pleasant and as smooth as possible.  Sometimes I think I go overboard for it and cut myself or my children short as a result. Go with your conscience and don't feel you owe him anything he doesn't deserve.

I would think of it as writing a letter of recommendation.  If someone asks me for one, I only give one if I feel that 1) I can say nice things about the person, and 2) I MEAN those nice things.  The things you write not only reflect upon him, but also upon you.  If you write something nice that you may not 100% back up, then someone goes and uses his services based on your testimonial, they will potentially be unhappy with the service, and will also be unhappy that they had read a misleading testimonial.  This will only lead them to have distrusting feelings toward you in the future.  Even if it becomes anonymous...do you really want to put untruthful words out there?

You have two choices:  give him the true testimonial (C+) and cause hard feelings or ignore him and cause hard feelings. Unless you are actually willing to lie and give him a glowing testimonial, then face it - he is a jerk, and so what.  Go on with your life.  Of course, there is the third possibility of a neutral testimonial - just state facts:  i lost X inches and X weight and a great big thank you to the gym program (not him).

I had a conversation with my new trainer over breakfast...she knows I am hesitating about the testimonial.  She just thought it was odd for him to ask and that he's trying to solicit new business.  I asked her her opinion--do you think training is just about the exercises or about something more and of course she said "something more".  I get the impression from his emails he thinks one can just write a testimonial about the session work regardless of what went on, but in my gut I feel the whole mess I went through impacted the session stuff, and it's interesting to see others agree. I may do a neutral one because he wasn't the sole program, but I just don't see him in the same light and find it upsetting to try to show any support for him when frankly I felt so little in return. ULTIMATELY, it doesn't matter.  I'm where I need and want to be right now....what's past is passed.

If I were in your situation, I would just try to avoid anything that brings up unpleasant memories.  He isn't worth the time, energy, or effort on your part.  I would just try to forget about it and ignore the endorsement completely. I am so glad you finally got a trainer you like and can work with.