OT: I'm debating whether to take off for a couple of weeks

Wow, Lori...he sounds like quite the guy!  No wonder you are missing him.  Sounds like the kind of guy who by just being there provided security and a feeling that you'd never be alone.  Having someone in your life like that is so special...and to lose him, hard to fathom the loss.  Glad you can reflect on the good times and memories and laughs today...a day that doesn't really get any easier with time.  My first husband has been gone now for 32 years....just feel blessed he was in my life for 8. Sounds like you lost your safety net (and a soft place to fall) when you lost him....how scary is that?  You amaze me with your strength, even though it may not always be apparent to you.  A good time for reflection and prayer.  You may be searching for direction, like that morning with your brother....ask him to help you find it now.

::shaking head::  I'm so sorry about your husband....  I couldn't even begin to imagine a loss of that magnitude.  It's cool... I may be a blithering idiot right now...  but I know one day he and I will dance on a cloud in perfect bodies.. look down on this earth and LAUGH our butts off. 

Pray about it. The answer will come.

Beth and Neecee gave great advice.  I have to agree, you pray on it and the answer will come to you.  I do like Beth's advice on leaving for your trip without a bag packed.  That way you HAVE to get clothes along the way.   If you don't want to stay home, then it's time to take a little break and go visit your friend.  It might be just what you need.  I know you keep a close eye on your sugar and fluid retention, so if you see anything amiss just get yourself to the closest hospital.  I do pray that you'll find the answer to your health worries soon. Isn't it amazing that we've lost so much weight, but we still see ourselves as huge?  I look at myself and think...jeez louise, I'm BIG.  Thing is I know I must have been a lot bigger 80 lbs ago.  This is something many of us go through.  For me, it helps to know that I HAVE to get new clothes (I've started getting some) and soon or my old clothes will be falling off me.

Isn't it amazing that we've lost so much weight, but we still see ourselves as huge? I look at myself and think...jeez louise, I'm BIG. Thing is I know I must have been a lot bigger 80 lbs ago. This is something many of us go through. For me, it helps to know that I HAVE to get new clothes (I've started getting some) and soon or my old clothes will be falling off me.


Oh yes.. and I have a hard time understanding how people can get so into themselves when they lose some weight. It also ****** me off that people around me don't understand why I still feel so disgusting. I'm not saying that's good or bad.. it's just the way it is. I should be kissing my own butt (now that I can probably reach) for losing so much in a relatively short period of time.... but all I want is MORE. Then I feel rotten for feeling so greedy and selfish.

You get it....

I so get where you are coming from.  I fell the same.  I'm so happy I lost the lbs I did, but dang it I want to lose more and at a faster rate.  Plus, with the weight I've lost now I'm more "lumpy and bumpy."  Also, in the back of my mind I worry I can't get to my healthy BMI range.  I'm so dang short that for me to get to the weight I need is almost an impossible goal.  It's hard to be patient and let my body lose the weight at the rate it seems to want to. 

"If you don't want to stay home, then it's time to take a little break and go visit your friend.  It might be just what you need.  I know you keep a close eye on your sugar and fluid retention, so if you see anything amiss just get yourself to the closest hospital."

I thought about this as well as the other posts about "running from and running to".

I decided to stay here and keep fighting this.  Every huge fluid gain over the last couple of months was all about being in the car for 8 - 10 hours.  Then it took weeks to dump it.  I know this sounds obsessive.. but weight loss is my priority right now... Today I woke up at 222.  So it's dropping back off.

I'm needed in Iowa.. but I'm developing boundaries about verbal beatings I don't wish to take ... So why put myself in a situation which could prove detrimental to my health (mental AND physical)...?  No...  I have quite a bit to do around here.. might as well face it and get it done. 

I made a nice bribe.. um.. breakfast for Andrew yesterday and handed it to him as I asked him to put me back on the schedule (he'll do anything for food).  LOL  He didn't even take me off of it!  My spots were still mine, so I'll pay him for April and keep the do going.  It's so hard to find a trainer to connect with the first time out.. so why do I want to risk having to hire a stranger when I get back?  He's really a nice boy... and he's got me going up and down 50 steps 3 x a week.  Can't argue with that kind of progress.

Over the years I got pretty used to just throwing a couple of things in a backpack, strapping a guitar on my back and making hotel reservations on my way to the airport.  I'm getting way to old for this.  Is it worth having companionship for a little while?  I'll just load some more tunes on my Ipod and get lost in my music.. hopefully that will soothe my need to bolt.

Thank you all for your input, understanding and tolerance.

Be Blessed!

Lori

 

Lori, It's good to hear you made a decision that you seem to be at peace with.  That's so important.  Verbal beatings are never a good thing, so definitely keep away from those people who can't stop spewing that junk from their mouths.  It is definitely important to keep yourself in a safe place physically and mentally.  Boundaries are a good thing.  I've been there and had to distance myself from a family member for that very reason. So you've tracked down that those huge fluid gains are from long car rides?  If so that's great news.  Now you know when you do go travelling again that you'll need to take frequent breaks so you can get out and walk some. I'm glad you are back on your trainers schedule.  It seems he really helps to give you a great workout and gotten you more mobile with using steps.  How have the workouts gone this week? Thank you for sharing how everything is going. Melinda

"How have the workouts gone this week?" Very well.   I've increased the cardio and it gets difficult.. but I'm recovering more quickly.  I really believe my lung function has improved dramatically.  I'm afraid to quit smoking until I hit my first goal.... I just wish I could lay off them some. My arms, legs, butt, back ... all rock hard, so I'm doing a maintenance routine with the weights.  I'm just trying to cut the fat from around them.  It's fabulous how quickly muscles "remember".  Studies have shown that body builders really only lose about 2% of their muscle when they stop...  what happens is they add more fat around the muscle.. that's why it looks so different.  I gotta say.. it came back fairly quickly.  So.. it's there.. and it's that muscle that's going to burn the fat.. especially legs.   I may be impatient, but overall I'm pleased with the progress.    :)

Oh girl... Life sucks sometimes.  I'm behind Neecee.   She gives excellent guidence.  Regarding Iowa; Think a little longer about whether you want to "go there" or just "run from" what you've got now.  Although they involve the same road, they're two separate things.  If you feel Iowa is the place to be because you want to "run from" what you're in now, then you shouldn't go.  You should work on your situation and make it better for yourself. 

You're a strong cookie.  We all view you that way.  I think you're the only one doubting how strong you are.  Think about that; maybe you need to take a closer look at yourself, your accomplishments, your abilities, and your road already traveled.

We love you chicky.