Accepting Who You Are

So, this is what's in my head.  Last few weeks, particularly working out with Karissa and hearing her say she can't lift what I lift...and seeing the women in the group react to my level...well add to that I've been struggling with the discovery, and acceptance, that I am strong. No, not just okay, strong, but weirdly so.  At first I thought Karissa was bullshidding me and I told her last work out, no BS.  That's when she expressed, first a little upset that I would think that she would, and then when we were clear on that, in some ways I am stronger than her. Again, not a competition with her, but it surprised the heck out of me.  I mean, you should see this girl (23, so she is a "girl").  She has a lovely, fit body, not too muscular, and many women in the gym take her classes because we want to look like her--fit.  Not just trim.  She's a 5'3 powerhouse too. So, to find that as she sets a weight for me she has to sometimes first set it lower to demonstrate the action and then raise it for me has, well, been toying with my head. Accept it.  You Are Strong. We did leg presses last week and did all the plates.  I hesitated to suggest I could definitely have added another 50-100 lbs.  She knows it.  I loved that she loved it...she said, "I can't wait to brag about this."  I guess trainer to trainer, it's fun for them.  She has even used me to challenge these two sweet girls who train with her and know me, and say, "well, Jerz does XYZ" to motivate them with a little healthy competition.  (Today I invited them to train in a group one day...for fun...not longterm and NO DRAMA.) Anyway, I struggle often with this.  I am strong.  Why is it not okay to be a woman and strong? What are my goals?  To get fit.  I don't want to powerlift, be a bodybuilder, look anything but feminine, but be my healthiest.... I am learning slowly to love my abilities...okay, so I'm strong, and it's a bit weird to acknowledge this, but it is what I am. I can either fight it or use it.  I believe God blesses us with the skills and talents he wants us to have. He has his reasons.  So who am I to argue with Him? ...I'll be talking with Karissa about the big picture she sees for me next workout.  I mean, I have to go where my body goes...but where is it going????

:) I accept WHO I am inside. But I do not accept how my body looks. lol In due time it will ALL come together. Be STRONG! Strength is good.