I need you guys again

Yea it hurts. But you have to put it all away too and just train. No personal feelings or anything...drop it off at the door and pick it back up on the way out. Or...leave it all there.

So far as your group goes, I see tit for tat. You are put off and offended by them and vice versa. TALK. CLEAR THE AIR. I think you misunderstood them and again vice versa. Your intentions are clearly different and you each need to understand that so you can build a common ground on which to play. Maybe you need to lighten up from time to time and maybe they need to get more serious from time to time. Most people can't be serious 100% of the time anymore than they can be happy go lucky lazidazical 100% of the time. Find a common ground. You will ALL benefit from this. As far as Ian goes, I agree with Christa. I think you are looking for more in Ian than simple training and he is uncomfortable. Yes, he seemed like he wanted to be your frienf but in reality he was ONLY your trainer. That is what he was getting paid for. So, the choice is stick with Ian and do not socialize with him but simply train OR go with Karissa who is obviously more willing to chat as well as train. Each trainer is going to have different personalities and different way of looking at training just as you and your teammates do. Train with someone who gives you EVERYTHING you need not just part of it.  Jerz, for as uncomfortable as you are with eveyone and everything else, they are apparently just as umcomfortable with you. I don't really care what they reasons are but it is true and the best thing you can do for yourself, for them, for the TEAM is work it out.  This was merely my two cents worth and I normally don't comment on things like this because it is touchy but there are no sides for me to pick here because both sides have issues. Beth

For a moment I thought my posts were invisible! lol. I was like wait...can anyone see my reply!? lol. Guess so!

Just had to open my eyes and there it was. lmao

Jerz, You've gotten some good replies and I do agree with a lot of what was said.  I think you might have indeed been jealous of how Ian meshed with the group and while you may not have thought you openly showed it, somehow it worked its way out.  You had a one on one relationship and then it changed.  Plus, as you said, he started to act differently toward you. Now don't take this personally, but you shouldn't have involved Ian in this "confrontation."  It is between you and the group.  I think of it this way, when you have a problem with co-workers, who do you go to first them or your boss?  Normally you would go right to the individual(s) and work it out.  I would suggest that you make sure if Ian emails you back regarding this that you say you and the gang will chat amongst yourselfs.  He's only their to train all of you, not be a mediator.  I know you have (or had) a great respect for Ian, but he's a trainer.  No more, no less. Now do you really get all you can out of group training vs. one on one?  That would be the question you should weigh before deciding whether to continue training with the group after the challenge is over.  If the answer is no, then go and get a new trainer.  You are doing so well, so don't compromise because you want to keep having Ian train you.  He has made it clear how he feels, no matter how hurtful it is. I am wondering also if your perceptions about your group might be just as wrong as their perceptions are of you?  So many people act differently.  Some people, while extremely dedicated, also like to laugh...even while exercising.  I know you get in the "zone" and are very determined to do your best and get very intense.  That could come through as being cranky, hard, unapproachable, judgemental, etc. type of person.  No I don't think you are, but sometimes people perceive situations differently.  I hope you know I'm trying to help you re-analyze the situations that have led up to this confrontation. You know at the end of the day, you need to evaluate how helpful being in this group training really is to yourself.  There has been a lot of drama connecting with not only the group, but Ian as well.  You need to do what is best for you in the long run. Hope this helps.

First, congrats on 76lbs down.  That's awesome. Oh, I'm sure the misperceptions go both ways.  I think it's a circular thing. I wasn't jealous that he bonded with them...AT ALL.  I was upset that to do so he stopped all engagement with me.  He didn't include me in his bonding with the group.  He stopped eye contact.  He didn't talk with me.  He didn't extend himself in anyway.  I confronted him about this, saying I thought he was overcompensating so as not to seem like favoritism, and he perceived it as me wanting all the attention.  I'm not a baby, so tht was just not the case.... You're right though.  How much do I get out of being with them to train with Ian...I have to thinka bout that.... Had more emails from after I posted this.  I am starting to see this more clearly.  It's really "we laugh and make fun of ourselves, you take yourself so seriously; we are lighthearted and you're way too focused."  all in all...you don't fit and we don't want you.

Thanks Jerz, congrats on your 44 lbs.  That's an amazing and awesome accomplishment. Perceptions are a pain aren't they?  Just say your peace with the group and be done with it.  The chips will fall where they may.  If they truly don't understand your intensity, even after you explain your struggles and why something might be harder for you, then that's a shame.  They just can't put themselves in your shoes as you are trying to understand them.  You know for me I just accept people as they are, but some people can't and it sounds like this group is like that.  Wish they could for you, but if they can't then just move on.  As Neecee said, it's gotta be so toxic to your soul. So has Ian responded?  I hope he gives you better feedback.  I know you do respect him a lot. I'm going to repeat myself, you do what's good for YOU!!!  Don't let them or Ian make you miserable.

Whatever you do, Jers....don't let this get in the way of your training.  Knowing you, you won't.  Sounds like you were teamed with some individuals who just aren't as serious/dedicated as you.  If I was in a team challenge type setting, I'm sure I would laugh along with the group and try to make it all enjoyable.  You're just not that type about your workouts...you're all business (nothing wrong with that....look where it's got you with your great results).   Time to say goodbye to Ian with no regrets.  He got you going and feeling confident about your abilities.  He was your trainer....that was his job.  I think it's a great idea to "clear the air", but I don't see any reason for you to continue with this group once the challenge is over....you have different philosophies of what you're doing and different styles of doing it. You have "hit your stride", as you put it.....continue on with Karissa and continue to build your strength and endurance and appreciate the good start Ian gave you.   I'm rooting for you!!!

Thank you.  But I'm still not sure what's happening with him--just got an email and he has me really confused!!!!!!!!!! Okay, bed.  THat's all I can do.  The day is beyond repair.  Good night all and thank you for being there.

(((Jerz)))), I am sorry! This is just not clicking, all around.  It MAY end out okay, but not sure how comfortable it will be getting there. There is that...never know! Maybe you will all reach a good place of respect after hashing it all out. So hard to know...you would know better being there and all...but based on this post and others, it may be that Ian felt he had to distance himself because you appeared jealous - not that you were, remember perception IS reality.  All the same, it is not easy being rejected from someone you really connected with.  I would drop out...though I do admire your stick-to-itiveness. I know you are trying to finish here what you started. man alive, i'd just be like later daze, y'all. Then do my thing someplace else. Yes, I would be hurt too, but this is getting ridiculous. Life is so short, you did nothing wrong.  EDIT:  (Sleepless in Cali)  Just wanted to point out the negative metaphysical aspect of all this.  I would think that intrigue like this is just poisonous to your soul! It is incongruous to the goal of creating physical health and well being.  You went into this challenge with right reasons, and ran into people who are not ultimately supporting your goals anymore. Funny you use the term "team" when it is anything but that.  I have been on teams much of my adult life in softball, and yes, there are team dynamics, groups and clicques here and there, but when push comes to shove, all the petty crap is pushed aside for the larger good:  THE TEAM.  Ian is not compelled to do anything about building team spirit, so there you have it.  I guess I feel that you are hurt now, may as well be hurt and on the way to healing rather than mired in something negative & unfulfilling. A single member will paddle in a biggo circle.  does suck, though.