I need you guys again

Things for me are unbearably painful right now. JUST as I'm  hitting my stride, working hard, the weight moving, things are working against me and even falling apart. You know the strain with my trainer.  His actions have made it clear to me that he has no desire/intent to work with me 1-1 after this ends, though I may continue with the group with him part time.  I have been left flabbergasted by this and hurt, not knowing what caused it.  Only knowing that he sometimes felt I debated him (which was usually, IMO, me sharing how I felt at the moment), and then once group started, he reacted to me differently. I never felt like part of the group.  I felt like the odd one out.  I felt often excluded and not a fit.  Well today I was confronted about that.

One team member was very honest.  Here's her perception--that they felt like they were intruding on my dynamic with Ian and that I excluded them.  But I tried so hard to prevent that perception.  They felt I didn't laugh with them and that I was too serious and intense all because I get lost in the work and trying to do my best.  And frankly, I don't find the same things funny that they do.  Like one groans during the work all laugh.  I don't respond.  I'm in my moment.  KWIM?

This team member wants us all to continue, but believes a confrontation has to happen.  I'm afraid of being attacked and already feeling I have it coming to me from all sides, that my trainer doesn't want me anymore and my teammates don't like me, and just being myself and trying to accomplish something so huge (160lb loss!)   I called Ian and shared the emails with him regarding the confrontation, suggested he lead it and make sure it's balanced, and also suggested  he do the same with me because I believe all these things are based on misperceptions from all sides. I'm in such turmoil over this.  Why can't the way I am be enough.  I am like super nice and nurturing, but also a hard worker.  But those things led to misperceptions???? I need prayers..I'm falling apart....

I think your team member's perceptions are correct.  I think you noticed them bonding with your trainer early on and you were offended by it and or possibly jealous. Because of that, your dislike for them grew and whether you realized it or not your body language probably showed your disapproval with them. You found fault in the group as a whole from there on out. It almost sounds like you worked on beating them to prove yourself worthy to Ian.  That's my take on the whole situation. A discussion amongst all team members is probably the best way to resolve the issues and ease the tension. I suppose this could be considered a confrontation but I highly doubt they're going to attack you. Take the matter into your own hands and initiate the discussion. Quit going through Ian for resolution of your matters. I know it's a sticky situation and you're definitely feeling pretty anxious about it all. You'll get through it and I'm positive it will all work out in the end.  Just hold your head high and be open minded and unjudgemental. Always assume good intentions. :)

To respond to that point--I don't mind him bondign with others--I was not jealous or offended.  But the bonding with me was consequently recinded.  See why that hurt?

You got to remember something, that although you take this extremely serious others might not look at it the same way.  They might need the joking around to make it through the session, they might not want to take it as serious because well....they are there just to get fit, they don't want to live it.  

I'm not saying any of these are correct, I'm just trying to have you see the way they look at it possibly.  Your way is not a bad one, but I can just see everyone laughing at the groan that girl made and you being serious about it. They just want to have a little fun. Not to take things so serious every moment. A lot of people go to the gym not only to get fit, but to relax.  I know when I went to the gym for a few years it was "my " time, it was my relaxing time.  I worked out, did my thing, talked to a few people, made it joyful.  Literally just "working out" makes it boring for me, I have to spice it up a bit.  Maybe these girls are the same way.  I'm not sure what kind of gym this is, but I have a sneaking suspicion that maybe your heading in a different direction.  Your almost to the point where it sounds like you've outgrown this gym. 

Not everyone gets along, not everyones meant to be friends, and not everyone sees training the same way.  If your still having drama, I say move on. Drama tends to lead to more drama.  Every time I hear about this I keep thinking...you're all adults!  Give it another try since the chanllenge is almost over, but once things start some times they just don't give up.  For your sake I hope it does, it sounds like  you really like this place.  I'm really starting to think though that you've outgrown this place. Maybe you should be in a gym where they body build or do some serious training.  Just a thought.  I wish you luck, I know you have put your heart and soul into this.

  

 

It's not the gym, it's a few members.  So now, I don't take issue with the gym.  Not everyone can be as serious about their goals, I get that.  But I am supported by the trainers and staff and that's more important to me than being liked by members who are offput by my intensity....

Well ....Chris is probably right then.  If you really think it's just within a few members it looks like you have two ways to go about it.  Either confront them, which looks like it's already taken place.  Have this little confrontation (I agree with Chris, that is don't go to Ian about it), and just be open about it.  Heck, your all adults you should be able to straighten things out.  OR, just forget about it and do your own thing.  You don't NEED to be friends with any of these people, it's not like your going to have a relationship with them outside of the gym.

I think you should do this little confrontation..I hate that word, how about meeting. ;)  Go to the meeting with these people to see if you can figure out what went wrong.  Your all adults so theres a good chance you guys can work it out.  It might just be something really easy to figure out, they might of got the wrong impression or something?!?!  You never know!  If all else fails, you were more than an adult to go meet with them.  You did your part to try to correct the problem like a mature woman.  If it all still fails just go on with your own routine and forget all about them.  This is not worth it in the long run if this happens.  Then you can get busy with your routine like you want too! :) 

I did go to him first to have him lead it, only because he is the group leader and previously felt I was trying to usurp that position.  He's the one that sets the tone.  But it may happen without him.

Let's see...I ALWAYS have something to say about almost everything lol. I don't want you to get offended by anything I say ok? :) Just my thoughts on everything. Ok where to start......? I'll start with Mr. TrainerMan Ian. Oh Ian....wait I don't think I want to start there lol. Hmm...I am trying to put everything together where it will sound right and not random things here and there and go back to something else haha.  OK! First! I got it. You are not there to please ANYONE but YOURSELF! It's ok if the group doesn't like you. Bah to them. You seem to have MORE drive than them..I am not putting them down in anyway, you just seem to give 140% while they give probably 100%. So that puts you in your own world. Which is fine. And you don't have to laugh at things they laugh at or anything.  You say you will still do the group thing after the challenge in order to get trained by Ian. That leads me into the next thing. First, with that....I say screw the group training, you don't feel comfortable with the group and Ian is just offish about everything why stick around? Which goes to...because you want Ian to train you? I am guessing yes. But I am pretty sure it will never be like it was in the beginning. IMO, remember my opinion!!! lol That, everything kinda went over the boundries....maybe his boundries. How do I explain this. Ok, you pay him to work your ass off. Some how it lead to some emails, maybe a phone call or two. Talking about personal issues...like how you feel. It probably became too much. Yea I understand you two were "Friends" but I think in his mind he is there to train and ONLY train nothing more. You were going to his mentor, people that knew him, and what not to see what was going on with him...word probably leaked somewhere which made things worse. Just walk away from it all. Go work with Karissa....you may not get everything you got with Ian but still you're getting something. Ian has made it clear He's "booked" so move on.  Just keep doing what you're doing don't worry about the people that walk in and right back out of your life...if they're worth it they will always be there in your life. Pick that head up and keep kicking ass!

HEY!!!!! You have replied to theirs and not mine damnit!!!!!!!!! lol.

Not ignoring you. Bah to them. But it still hurts to feel everyone against you.  Especially someone you trusted.

I have said to him--train and put all the **** away.  I WISH HE WOULD.