Abstinence - Day 17

Breakfast 1 banana 1-1/4 cups Cream of Wheat 1 cup skim milk 2 cups coffee 20 oz. water Lunch 2 cups fat free cottage cheese with pineapple chunks Small mixed greens salad with light blue cheese dressing 6 oz. nonfat, low sugar yogurt with fruit 20 oz. water Dinner Leftover New Orleans Red Beans & Rice sauce with ham Brown rice with 1 tsp. margarine 1 can minestrone soup Grapes 1-1/2 cups skim milk Denise Phares/kitties4 P.S.  Last night I broke my abstinence by ordering a large thick crusted pizza with double cheese, pepperoni, and pork sausage.  I did it because I was a basket case over my former client Russell, the one who I betrayed as an aide.  I ended the relationship on the phone this morning, because I am still obsessed with him.  And I believe the whole thing was MY FAULT totally.  I cannot blame him, because he was putting his trust in me as an aide, and the moment I fell in love with him, I started betraying that trust by acting inappropriately with him.  I thought I could remain appropriate with him, but I could not.  He had a hard time ending the relationship with me, so I had to be the strong one, and end it with him.  He was afraid to say "no" to me, which is what makes it MY FAULT. DDP/k4

I thought your patient reported you - you were still talking to him - seeing him? Anyways hope your enjoyed your thick crust pizza. Best, L

I'm a little thrown off by this....that you were still talking to him and what not. Oh well....not my situation.

I asked Russell alot of questions when I had him on the phone.  His intentions were to call my company, and ask if I could get some counseling, then be given a second chance.  He wanted me back as his aide.  But he didn't want to once again complain to the company, since he had already rejected so many aides before me.  So he called his case worker instead, and SHE was the one who got me fired.  He still misses having me as an aide, since the ones they send him now don't take him seriously (since he is blind), and won't do the housework for him, like I did.  Before I transgressed, I did a fine job of taking care of his apartment, meals, helping him with his bath, etc.  I kept up with everything, and treated him with respect, unlike the other aides.  It's just very unfortunate that I fell in love with him.  That is what ruined the client-aide relationship.  I no longer blame him for it, and I've forgiven him for getting me fired, even though that wasn't his original intention.  He's a kind, loving, and very physically and emotionally fragile person, and I hurt and betrayed him terribly by being so inappropriate with him that one time.  I have to live with that the rest of my life.  I'm in the process of forgiving myself, which is the hardest thing of all. Denise Phares/kitties4

not sure if you already know this but as a case worker, she would be considered a mandated report. as human service providers (as well as teachers, some others) we are required by law to report any instances of abuse (of any kind) of a child, elderly or disabled person. so whether or not he wanted you fired or even whether or not he was bothered by the situation, she still would have been required to report and then your company would be required to take the appropriate action.

I...got nothin'. Excuse me while I go whack my noggin' against a fence post.

But wait, did you call today for another pizza and they transferred your call over to Russ? Why in the world did you call him? The "relationship" you had was just a bit one-sided, or am i trippin here?  Kitties, stop now before he has you arrested for harrassment. I'm cereal as oatmeal here. Seriously, though kitties, are you seeing your doc? Perhaps you should call him/her. You sound to be in crisis.  Blessings to you. Stay off the phone.

I called him again, because I needed some answers from him.  I got those answers, and now I'm done with him.  My husband believed he was a sociopath who had planned this out from the beginning.  Once I forgave Russell for getting me fired, I needed to know if that was his original intention.  It wasn't.  He just wanted me to get counseling, then be his aide again, acting appropriately the second time around.  But I know it never would have worked, because I fell in love with him, totally against my will.  I did not want that, at all.  It totally screwed up my relationship with Russell as a trusting client, and it was screwing up my marriage, as well.  I'm just relieved it's all over.  I've started going to Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings, because of this situation.  I need their program, and I need help to be a better home health aide in the future.  Also, my marriage, while good, needs work, too. Denise Phares/kitties4