Yeah!

So last week my scale went nuts.  (LVS, thanks for the support). I took a steroid for a cortisol blood test on Tuesday and it can make you gain water weight.  I started at 281.8 and by Saturday morning was 289!  I tried not to freak (hard to do) and just trust it would come off.  I also watched on my scale the estimations for bodyfa****er, and muscle and noticed both water and muscle were up.  Hmmm.   By Sunday I was 284, Monday 283, today 285.  I went to be assessed for my Challenge and though I was up 2 lbs on his scale, I was down a whole bodyfat percentage!  That muscle didn't lie (my scale said I had gained 5 lbs of muscle).   I love muscle.  What fat it takes away is exchanged with good solid stuff : )! Anyway, the group lost a collective 2.3% bodyfat.  (This will be the determining factor for the winner.)  I will either end up in 1st or 2nd place given the results I'm seeing.  Yeah!  (I want the 20 free sessions.)   The challenge is going okay.  Really not comfortable with the group thing.  Feels like high school and I'm the bad fit in the group.  Reason?  They are all in it for fun--I'm much more serious and intense and competitive.  They work light, I want to work hard.  They go off and ride the rinkydink bikes while Ian wants me working harder than that.  So, it just makes me odd woman out. He and I are better...some days.  I'm convinced that he's overcompensated in trying not to favor me by ignoring me a bit.  I mean, he didn't even want me to know my % down--I think because I had half the total.  I don't think he wants me to be competitive, but dang it, that helps me drive harder! Sigh.  Anyway, good results. Oh, and the photo?  Not in the avatar, only privately and only if you're nice.  Plus, I sent Christa my fat face one and need to update it.

Congratulations on your bodyfat accomplishment

CONGRATS!! And your face did not look fat at all! Seriously..my face is by far bigger than yours!! lol. But we both have picture tendencies of the eyebrows!!!!

Yeah, it's just me looking at the camera like, "WTF, are you going to click already?"  Seriously, never noticed it until you pointed it out.

You're not the "bat fit" in the group.. you're the one that's gonna WIN it for the group.. and your trainer knows this.   ;)

I feel like a bad fit.  Reminds me of 10th grade when my 9th grade best friend and I had welcomed this girl Liz into our group and by 10th grade I wasn't "in".  They're nice and all...and sometimes try...but have their own rapport.  And often it feels like my seriousness irks them.   Today we were doing knee tucks on the bench.  M did 40 so I said "Ah, you set the bar high".  It was a compliment.  I then was determined to do 40 (and did), but she said, "It's not a competition."  Wait...um...yeah it is.  I think my using competitiveness to motivate me bothers them.  But i balance it with encouragement and banter.  Doesn't seem to be enough. I'm really hopeful to win so I can go back to 1-1 and see if Ian improves with me.  I can't win with him these days.  I remember saying "I think I can lose 2% bodyfat during the 2 months."  He said, "You'll have to lose more than that to win...."  Disappointed but challenged, that's when I decided Atkins was best.  And now down 1% or more (I'm not sure*), I feel like it's good, t hink it has me in the lead, but now it's like, nope, can't tell ya. *See, I have a ton of numbers in my head.  My scale, the locker room scale, the eval room...  So I do not remember EXACTLY my starting bodyfat, though I strongly feel it was 49% on this scale (I remember because it was 2% higher than my home estimation).  So, I asked him as the number came up and he scribbled and was quiet.  Later I asked him as we were going down the escalator.  "I don't know...1% maybe less...a few tenths."  Honestly?  I think I have at least 1.7 of the 2.3 for the group.    And yes, if that's right, I'd be totally in the lead.

Isn't this what he wanted when he encouraged me to do the Challenge?  "It will be good for you."  Didn't he want me to push myself ever harder?  Aren't I?

So why can't he say, "Wow!  You lost x%.  Great job!"  Why not express the pride?  Afraid it will go to my head?  Afraid it's favoritism? He thinks my asking for encouragement (which he has always given) is favoritism.  It's not, IMO.  But can't get blood from a stone. Sunday I'll be training extra with a friendly trainer, just to have someone upbeat guiding me.  Just need it...he's been so dark with me and it's just weighed me down....