I don't like the attention

I get a lot of attention at the gym and it drives me NUTS. Even at 320, I didn't look like a sloppy, huuuuuge person (not that it matters) and as I was moving weight, a lot of people seemed interested in my progress.  But frankly, some days it makes me feel like what am I, a circus freak?

Regularly I get asked about my progress or complimented on it, often in a backhanded way--like this one idiot who said "you're looking great--previously you really didn't have much of a shape--but wow, now it's cute"...she said it in a way that was much more putting her foot in her mouth. Anyway, yesterday I was going down the escalator (the gym used to be a food court, isn't that ironic), and this guy (50ish) was smiling at me and nodding  and saying "keep up the good work". Yeah, you too buddy. Okay, here's my issue.  I am not any different than anyone there--I'm there to be fit and healthy and I'm consistent with my workouts.  The only difference is I'm a little bigger, but frankly I'm like many women in this country, my size was never "extraordinarily fat". It just gets under my skin. I know the intent is to compliment and encourage, but gee, you don't do that to others, why me?  KWIM?

I know you didn't go into to all of this to be a role model, but like it or not, it seems like that is what you have become.  People see the changes and want to let you know how great you are doing...unfortunately, some are better than others at it! I love it when people say things like, you have inspired me to try to do the same thing you did.  Not so much when they say...as big as you were, you must have not eaten for years!  My friend in Florida said, I didn't think it was possible for you to ever look this good.  What does one say to THAT? That's the thing about losing in front of people, your experience becomes their experience, and their just proud to be a part of it...even if they had NOTHING to do with it!!! Mary

Oh.. how FREAKY!  I was just b*tching about the same thing!   Yesterday I was at the watercooler with Andrew and this guy walks up to us and says "You're doing really good.. I see you in here busting your ass all the time". 

I started feeling like I wanted to crawl in a hole and hide!  Andrew said "oh.. he's just a meathead. ignore him".  Still though....  I see lots of folks one whole hell of a lot bigger than me in there really doing their best but I don't make comments.  I smile.. I wave.. I ask "how are you".. and mind my own freaking business!  I think that's appropriate. 

It was cool to see what you wrote because I knew I couldn't be the only one who felt that way.   Jon tried to make me feel like I was being paranoid because of comments.. and frankly, I said just that very thing about feeling like a circus side show freak.  I don't like it and I wouldn't make someone else feel that way either.. like I am WATCHING them or something.  Sometimes I really wish the gym would post an etiquette list or something. 

Thank you both for your posts. I don't want to seem ungrateful for a compliment.  I do look good, I know I've made progress.  But I deserve it NO MORE than Joe Schmo.  If I do deserve it it's just for my tenacity and consistency.  I mean the biatch who put her foot in her mouth, comes 2x a week (oh, and also told me how I'd have to work to keep it off).  My thing is, I don't "compliment" Joe Schmo for being there as I am, KWIM?  We're there for a personal commitment and endeavor. And when folks ask how much, I want to say, how's your cholesterol, what are your numbers. The irony is, most who comment preface it with, "I don't know if this is inappropriate, but"...um, yeah, that's the heads up folks.  If you think it is, it probably is. Okay, okay, so I'm a role model.  Fine, that I can accept.  But let it be for my choices, my effort, my consistency, my commitment, and not for how I look, because frankly, it's a friggin' shell, people.  It WILL wither and die eventually.  I don't care that much that I look "good".  I just want to be my best. And I hate that it always leads to some comment about controlling my food.  LOL.  Well, y'all know where I stand on THAT subject.  So then I feel motivated to say, "Actually..." but usually don't as it is personal. Why watch me?  Seriously.  I mean, I have one guy my trainer calls "my friend, buddy, stalker" because he will indeed follow and watch.  And he once said, "I've seen folks work out harder"..okay ahole right there..."but I really respect your commitment and am proud to know you."  Um, do you say that to everyone who's there 6 days a week?  I don't.    I know he didn't mean it bad, but dang, STFU, you know? Rant probably not yet over.  Just caressing my waist length beard...me, the carnival sideshow.  ARGH.

Ok I see two sides to this.  Yea, people just don't think, I remember getting the same thing when I lost a lot of weight before and I went to the gym....

BUT

Remember our conversation not long ago about accepting compliments????  Ring a bell??

People!  How you perceived yourself is all you.  What others see of yourself is totally different.  We all know the majority of people in a gym is thin already.  So when they see someone working out really hard to make any kind of accomplishment of course it's going to stick out.  Doesn't mean that you were litereally as huge as a house before, just means that they have taken notice how hard you are working.

Turn around and say..thank you! 

I think sometimes the wording just doesn't come out right.  I think down deep they are actually trying to make you feel good.  I would try and accept it that way and not analyze it. Brenda

FWIW, I don't agree that all in a gym are fit.  In fact, I'd say 1/3-1/2 are works in progress.

Here's another thing.  Your motives for going to the gym may be to get healthy and get in shape.  Unfortunately, you are probably WAAAAY in the minority.  Most people go to look good!  To see and be seen, and to socialize.  Unfortunately, it becomes a home to them, and they think they can say anything like they do at home.  So, you may just have to consider the source if you are going to continue to workout with your rude gym rats, and let it role off your back like water on a duck's back. Mary

I was just generalizing, I said majority.  That wasn't my point though..knowing how to a compliment was.

I guess it's about recognizing it is intended as a compliment.  I know to say thank you to any compliment, but when they're backhanded or intrusive, it's just frustrating. BTW, I just wanted to clear up the misconception about gyms.  People who don't go think all folks there are "all that".  I've seen the women naked.  Not all are LOL.