OT: "Negativity"
For now, I know that's not the answer. I can't do that for weeks, even if I wanted to as I'm bound by the Challenge and want to fini****
The irony is, he was someone I was comfortable with, up until recently.
And the point beyond him and behind this whole thread is--the world wants you to shut up, don't share how you're feeling...no one can handle it. Of all people, I didn't think he'd be one of them (the pod people, LOL).
I just want the comfort I had with him back and don't know how to get i. ANd I hate that I'm just to shut up and move forward. Seems that's the only way people are happy these days.
Jerz I know you want to finish your group challenge, so you should definitely strive for that.
What I'm wondering is if you can give this woman trainer a test drive? Just one or two one on one sessions to see if you two would mesh, not only with your personalities, but also to see if she would push you enough. It might just be a good way of gauging whether after this challenge that you could in fact try this new trainer.
As LVS said, you are the paying customer and if you aren't getting the help you need then it's time to move on. Frankly there is only so much you can "check" at any door. Life is messy at times and as such your baggage might find its way into the gym. As such, it is up to the trainer to effectively motivate you. Also, he should want to know how you are doing with the insulin resistance issue and other issues as well. I'm not saying he needs to know about any dates or fights you have with friends, but things that would affect your health and training SHOULD be discussed even if only briefly.
Does anyone feel that these days you cannot express your feelings even to friends anymore for fear of being labeled as negative? <--------Was your specific question.
I'd say no, and base that answer on it's because we are all, for the most part, in the same boat. Our health is beginning to deteriorate, having grandkids, sometimes less that stellar sons/daughters in law, etc.
If I had to guess, I'd say in the case of your trainer, it likely is that his life experience to date has been within his expectation, i.e.: gotta few pounds to lose? get on the treadmill for 15 extra minutes; need extra cash? wor a few weekends. bada bing, bada boo. Under control. Just do it.
He has never had a person like you with your specific needs. My wager is, he does not know how to respond to your issues, so it's easier to put you down in a way. He perceives that you think you cannot do __________, when probably all you are trying to do is let him know of some points to ponder. Or just plaino, share as one human to another.
He may not be capable of dealing, I think!
Perhaps. I've pondered that even though he himself lost 180lbs 5 years ago, he compares our journeys, assuming similarities where there are gaps. He lost on simple diet and exercise--I struggle and now we understand why. He has said to me he knows the feelings, no need to speak them, but does he? No. He doesn't know what it feels like to have said all along "I feel my body betrays me" and now we understand (almost) why. And he just doesn't "get" anymore my need to voice that. He used to...I don't understand what changed. Once again I feel like I've become "too much to handle" as has often been my story when relationships fail..
I've been sitting watching The Biggest Loser and thinking about this situation and just thinking, I am not asking for much. I need someone, SOMEONE, and maybe it just can't be my trainer, but then who can it be that will listen and guide me past my limitations. Why must I go there solo?
Yes, yes, maybe he just wants me to start to be my own motivator...I have thought about that, but I'm just not ready to fly solo. It's too lonely to be alone in my head.
What I mean is, like yesterday he had the group of us on the treadmill, running a quick routine that really challenged me, brought me to my threshold where I face fight or flight. I did voice a "I...can't" but what he doesn't know was also inside I was saying to myself "I will not be the one who can't do this, I will not stop." But I feel like he's asking me to never voice the "I can't's" and seek his support and push. I'm just not there yet.
On my own, I take it just a tad to easy, backing away from the stuff that is so hard you want to cry. On my own...I'm not ready.
Ok.. this isn't about me... I have OTHER things to deal with.. and quite frankly, there ARE things I'd NEVER tell friends... so a paid professional is the best way to go in my particular situation. I do talk to my trainer.. but not about these deep, personal, intimate issues.. so.. I'm outta this one.
Here's a twist to the issue with my trainer. I wrote him yesterday about his comment...do I now remember the exact phrasing, no, but it was along the lines of I can't bear the emotional burden. Which I took to mean I'm overwhelming him with neediness.
So I wrote and said, fine, I'll not say anything.
To which he writes that wasn't what he was saying. He said, "you need to start realizing what you've done and who you are now, you have to bring some fire from inside to the table to and realize you can do it or do your best, whatever it is".
This confuses me more because it's not what he said, the intent came across so differently with the words he chose. Or am I so f'd up that I'm hearing things wrong?
Have you ever dealt with someone who is not saying whta they mean and blames you for paying attention to what they said?
Even addressing just the comment above, I don't understand where he's drawing this as I do realize what I've done and who I am now, and I don't doubt the fire inside me, so why does he? Doesn't mean I can do everything yet or not have emotions about it.
We're gonna talk about this because we're just coming to this from opposite ends...Finally "he's" asking for a face-to-face, which I had tried for. He's stubborn as hell.
Obviously yesterday it made me nuts and drove me to tears. Thanks for all who supported me.
I'm so confused.
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