OT: "Negativity"

Jers.. it's not  uncommon to form a deep attachment or affection for one's trainer.  I know how I feel about my Andrew.  I even bring him lunch and special treats.  He laughs and jokes with me and tells me things that I doubt he tells other folks (especially about some of his other clients). I know it's not an emotional attachment, romantic.... but there is a level of affection I feel for him simply because he is doing something so special for me.... he's helping me be the best me I can possibly be.  I can LOOK at him and see that something is wrong.. and the same with me.   These are people who get to know us so well that we can almost read each other's minds.. BUT I WILL SAY THIS.  Our trainers are NOT the end all/be all to our physical and emotional well being.  We delight in them because they are offering a way out of our current discomfort.... but aside from that, I can't see developing any romantic attachment. Hey.. my boy is only 21... I do more mothering with him than anything.  Today he mowwed down on the cookies I brought him from Jersey.. and in exchange, he does offer allowances to me that he doesn't offer others.  He even seeks my counsel in financial matters. It IS a very special relationship.... that's why I understand what you mean when you say he can just look in your eyes and know how you're feeling.. and it's not romantic....   Sometimes though, relationships can sour.. and I'd rather see you develop a mutually congenial relationship with someone who can offer you more of what you need right now. Hey.. book that woman on a couple of off days and see what she has to offer... what can it hurt?

Wow, that makes it sound like a ***** house! lmao Wam, BAM, Thank ya ma'am!

i feel dirty....

Been reading all these posts and not sure where this reply will end up in the order but having several thoughts as I read through them all. My first thought was....I think, in general, most of us have used food to "stuff" feelings and emotions.  It's an addiction and for me it's the bad carbs that I use like drugs or alcohol.  When you're depriving your body of your "drug of choice" so to speak, you all of a sudden are dealing with a lot of those feelings and naturally need an outlet for them.  There might be a small part of this whole scenerio that you are feeling the need to vent and discuss more things than you were in the past.  You have been working hard and have had a close relationship with this trainer.  I think since your challenge has begun, you have expressed a change in your relationship from the one-on-one and have felt the sense of loss.  I too have picked up on the thread of you seeing him as more than just a trainer....I think you see him as a really good friend and now that you're "sharing" him, it changes the dynamics of the relationship.  This has to be frustrating.  He may be feeling that your relationship has moved beyond one of just a trainer also and is feeling uncomfortable with it.  I think a man is more likely in that situation to just withdraw, and you're feeling shut out. I think a trainer is like a therapist....you need the right fit.  Maybe it's time for a change.  If it's starting to get you down and affecting your program, than you definitely need to address it somehow cause you've come so far and are doing so well.   Just for the record...you have never come across to me as a negative person....actually quite the opposite!!  Hope you can reconcile all of this and maintain your balance with your program.

Here's the thing...I don't consider addressing issues relative to training to be out of bounds.  Oh sure, during 1-1 we'd talk about dating and friends and stuff, even get into the nitty gritty of "who we are".  And back early in training, I leaned on him for the venting you talked about--as it was such a challenge to me, one I found unsettling. BUT I haven't done that in eons.  Mostly it's "I can't, this is too hard,"  or "I can't wrap my head around this" and very rarely "when we do x I feel y."  ALL of it pertains to training.  How is that out of bounds? I get that he's probably trying to teach me to find my motivation within, but I'm just not there yet to go solo and THAT's where I feel abandoned.   Again, I knew that group training would be a slightly different dynamic, but I didn't know he'd go so overboard in trying to not favor me that he'd friggin' ignore me.  He did, and THAT shocked and hurt me. I just want him to be my trainer.  My body needs him, but my head still needs his guidance.  Not a ton, but at least during sessions when the wall is creeping up....

I understand what you're saying and I can't stand the people that yell at you for being negative.  So what if I'm in the mood for a pity party?  It's my life, you know?  No one can wear a smile 24/7, and it's inconceivable to expect someone to.  Talk to your trainer about whatever you want to, and if he doesn't like it, tell him to shove it.

My response is more about the picture you've painted regarding your relationship with your trainer.  Honestly, it sounded like you were explaining a boyfriend that's been letting you down recently.  Is it possible that you've projected that onto your trainer and he's uncomfortable?   I didn't get that impression from your first post.  It was the one where you're describing how he used to look at you in the eye and how he'd know your mood from the very beginning.  Then you went on to talk about how you felt ignored in the group session and you confronted him. I don't know.  I could be completely wrong, but that post really sounded like you've misinterpretted your business/client relationship for real friendship.  Isn't that sort of like asking a hooker to cuddle with you after the deal?  :-) ***Edited to add:  I'm definitely not saying you have feelings for your trainer.  I was just stating an observation.  If I got that impression then there's a chance that someone else (possibly the trainer) did too.

Honestly... that is how I read it as well. And I have read other posts that have given me (and I know some others) the same impression.  It really isn't unusual to begin to feel a strong bond with someone like that- because it is someone that you might feel- in a sense- is helping to save your life. Just MHO

Training is an odd relationship--it often borders on friendship and even becomes friendship.  He has used the term friends with me another time, so I suppose I do feel that my friend and trainer has let me down. Wasn't trying to romanticize it, it's just he is incredibly intuitive and could literally say hello, look me in the eye, and know my mood.  Then, come group training, he very obviously was avoiding me.  He'd communicate to the other three, not me.   I never considered it the same as a regular friendship, but borderline.  Still, it requires friendship in that it requires compatability, comfort, and trust to be effective.

I'd just switch trainers. Find someone you are comfortable with. As someone else said- you ARE paying for it- you should get the trainer that is right for YOU.