OT: "Negativity"

C'mon.. unless you were born in a rose garden, into millions, and had the life of a princess.... there's going to be some negativity!!   I feel that expressing one's emotions.. both positive and negative is essential to emotional health.  If your trainer can't handle it.. he's not doing his job.   My trainer hears some negativity from me and always manages to pump me up... like when I was b*tching about my butt getting smaller but not my waist.. I was UPSET... but he took the time to explain that sometimes the middle is the last to go and although it feels bad NOW, later on I'll appreciate the work I put into it.  Now THERE'S a trainer.. a motivator.  Tell him that you're paying him to motivate you... not make you feel worse. Let him know that some tea and sympathy can go a long way when you are working so hard!!!

I totally agree with you, but LVS you and I are alike (if I recall, both Italian Americans and from NJ).  Haven't you ever felt that many non-Italians don't get the emotive parts of our make-up???? I agree, he should motivate and that includes dealing with my emotions.  I don't think I'm wrong in wanting/needing help on this.  I've befriended another trainer and she's my backup if I have to leave him (don't want to because his knowledge base is different and in many ways better than hers).  Anyway, she and I are quite friendly and so at the risk of creating political issue between them, I shared with her how I'm feeling about this.  She sees the relevance of the emotional side. But so did he, once upon a time.  Seems I wore out my welcome.  And why?  It leaves me here in tears because it's like I can't say things once, the first time because it's presumed that all things are negative coming from me.  Why? Well in some ways they are.  I mean, I've been struggling with the weight and working so hard to get it off, struggling with the emotions relative to that, then I lost my job in August, was unemployed and in financial straights for 2 1/2 months, was dealing with that fear, am stretched thin with my schedule because the only job I could find was far away so I travel a lot, I travel more because the gym is far away but truly unique and home to me now, and then I deal with the metabolic stuff. Am I not allowed to crumble????

My guy is from NY (and hid in his office with the italian cookies I brought him from NJ today) lol. I've had quite a few trainers in the past.  When I feel like I'm not getting what I need from one.... I switch.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I had one guy who worked me out like I was a delicate flower.. .that lasted all of two sessions.  I mean.. c'mon.. I could bench 225 on the negs... there was no way I was going back to doing the BAR alone which is what.. 45 lbs at the most?  He just didn't get it.  So I told him "this isn't working out" (no pun intended).  I've also switched to trainers who could deal with injuries when it was necessary.  One guy I had was a trainer for the marine corps.. but he truly sucked (makes me worry about the physical state of our military).  He was so thrilled with himself because he had lost 150 lbs himself.  SORRY .. I was NOT impressed.  His weight loss wasn't part of his qualifications as far as I'm concerned..... his KNOWLEDGE, professionalism and personality is what I was looking for! I get along with the trainer I have now.  He's fit, he's 21, (he's gorgeous so that helps keep the adrenilin flowing), and he knows how to handle my moods... and Jers.. THAT'S what he's getting paid for!  I also go with male trainers ONLY.  They seem to expect more out of a person than a woman does.  I've been watching the women trainers in my gym and it seems they are more interested in who is looking at their asses rather than taking care of their clients.  They seem to have such a blaze' attitude.. moving their clients from one machine to the other so slowly and accepting "i can't"much too easily.  My trainer doesn't hear "I can't".  He only hears "I'll do the best I can". Ya gotta have someone who is more like you..... sorta the same personality.  It keeps everything flowing in my humble opinion.  When I truly can't do something... I use some very colorful expletives, and he doesn't get angry... he KNOWS I'm serious when I do that.. and we move right along.  Like squats for instance.  I have 2 acl tears and one meniscus removed.. the other one is tearing.. when I got loud and said "I CAN'T F***ING do this, ANDREW!  He knew I was serious.. but didn't get angry. Ther'es no harm/shame/or political incorrectness by switching trainers... and if the trainer doens't like it.. screw him.. he wasn't doing what you needed to be done so losing the client is HIS fault.. not yours.  YOU ARE THE CUSTOMER.. .. it's YOUR check he's cashing.  YOU are responsible to get the most out of it that your money can buy!! There is NOTHING I can't talk with my Andrew about!  NOTHING.... and we share.. it's not just all me.  It makes me really feel like I'm more of a part of the process, rather than it being all HIM or all ME! If this woman seems more like your speed.. than do it!  DO IT DO IT!  You HAVE not only the RIGHT but the RESPONSIBILITY to do what's right for you!!!!!!.  It's YOUR money.. spend it wisely!

So many thoughts in response, how to condense. Physically, he pushes me harder than I think anyone there would.  He leaves me drenched.  I don't see others push their clients that hard.  For that he earns points.  And he earns points for trying to get me past "I can't", but loses points when he doesn't understand when I explain my limits. He too knows my moods, it's just he used to handle them.  Now it's like "Not my job.  Time for you to do it for yourself."  And I can understand the growth part, but frankly, I'm not there yet.  I still have 120 lbs at least to go.  Maybe in another 50 I'll feel more capable.  Maybe he's wanting me to grow my own wings, but the way he's going about it isn't helping me, it's pushing me into funks. I am prepared to switch, but also prepared to give him the rest of this challenge and a few more 1-1 sessions to see if things improve. LVS, I used to think we were alike, but now it's like that likeness is a sorespot.  It used to be I could share anything, now it's like I wore him out, but I never really said much.

BTW, the female trainer is very hard core so I know she wouldn't go too easy on me, but I also don't trust that she'd push me the way he does.

So I'm trying to find a place where I get what I need out of the workout and except that I won't get what I emotionally need right now from him on this journey.

You know I just thought about this. He is a man. Men don't always understand women's emotions. In fact I imagine most of the time they don't.  Perhaps you should console the female trainer about these types of things and stick to topic with him.

LVS, it used to be he'd glance at my eyes as we greeted each other before session and read my sense of wellbeing.  He was very intuitive, always right.  How are you?  Fine.  Uh oh...  He knew.  So slowly I'd share my feelings, most of it being constant frustration...losing weight SO slowly, working SO  hard, being SO fat, struggling with how the exercise made me feel.  And he'd motivate and motivate and was a great champion.  Then he began to pull back, maybe 3/4 months in, just when I was at my worst.  Tried to teach me to "leave it at the door".  I mean, I was so hurt by losing the job and so scared and nothing was coming around and unemployment was running out.  Sorry, that followed me into the gym, though not into training. And still he'd ask how I was and I finally said, "Look, don't ask if you don't want to know.  You tell me to leave it at the door, so don't ask then." But I'd still share the gym stuff, just less the outside stuff.  Then even that seemed something he didn't want to hear.  But I was sharing it hoping he could help.  Help me find the way to leave it out.  Help me not get emotional over my failings.  Etc., etc. etc. Then we started group training and suddenly he was avoiding me and ignoring me though I'm part of the team.  It was really odd, I mean, I knew that in group he'd have to come to know others' needs, but I didn't expect that in doing so he'd avoid eye contact with me and rarely talk to me and act like I didn't exist in the group.  I confronted him about this and he didn't believe he was doing that and it was all about me not having attention.  Puleez, that's not the kind of person I am.  It wasn't.  It was hurtful to be close for 6 months and no have it seem like he didn't know me or care.  And now I think it was him overcompensating so as to appear fair to the others. So the confrontation didn't go over well, we got even more strained until I said, "Fine...our training relationship is in serious jeopardy...but I've laid out for you my experience, my needs...do with as you will."  Letting it go from there, we started to get along better. And then today, I felt comfortable enough to explain the whole medical stuff...but ended up feeling completely dismissed about it.  How about, "Look, I know this is disconcerting, but you're strong, you'll tackle it as it comes.  Just don't think too far ahead.  Use training to just pump out your agression and we'll see where we stand when the results come."  Nah, instead I just got a "I can't carry your burden" kind of talk.... This is not the guy he was months back.  And I am so disappointed and feel alone in this struggle.  He had been my champion, that changed.  And why?  Because I'm "negative"?  I don't wallow, I've just had some major struggles.  And I am not one to pretend they don't exist.  That doesn't help you face them head on.

He needs a "clue".  When it's YOUR session.. it's ALL about you.. Sounds like he's getting lazy or forgetting what his job is! Andrew and I go through sex, drugs, rock n roll..a nd everything in between.  He actually ASKS for copies of my blood test results cause he wants to see how we've progressed. 

Jers.. I can't say this emphatically enough.. WRONG TRAINER for now!  Having a woman isn't necessarily the answer either (sorry Chris.. I love ya to pieces but women tend to be too wimpy as trainers in my humble opinion)... THIS woman Jers is talking about might be the ticket.. IF she's strict enough with you..and if she's strong enough to spot you.. and if she doesn't throw her fit body in your face making you feel worse.

What goes on ON the outside has a great deal to do with what goes on in the gym.

The only time I believe in leaving the baggage outside the door is in church..we're there to worship, not worry.... other than that, everything we do has something to do with whether we're gonna have a good workout or not.!

Hey...  if you went out last night and had a few ****tails, your trainer should know this ..   If you had a crappy day... a hard time getting up.... not enough sleep because of other worries in life.. he should know this and know how to work around it in order to give you the best workout you can handle on that particular day.

It really sounds like you outgrew this guy.. .. and just for future reference..don't be so quick to pay the fees the gym requests.  I made cash deals with trainers and end up paying a lot less.

 

 

 

 

 

 

They can't take cash fees--they'd get fired.  Believe me, I'm a negotiator, no room on this one at all. I really feel stuck, I don't think there's someone more physically appropriate, he's just not currently emotionally appropriate. DAMN IT!

He's not the only trainer there!  It's all up to you!

I get confused cuz some people think it's just go in, get worked out, leave.  I don't work that way.