OT: "Negativity"

Caveat:  This relates to weight only in that emotions can influence your weight through behaviors, but otherwise is off topic.

Does anyone feel that these days you cannot express your feelings even to friends anymore for fear of being labeled as negative?

I do.  I feel like "no one wants to hear it."

I was telling my trainer the specifics re: my medical stuff--the insulin resistance diagnosis, the blood work, my frustration that now, 40lbs off insulin rears it's ugly head...especially after years of "dieting" and "healthy eating" and yes, activity.

My trainer and I have had issue with each other lately and are trying to find a way through it.  He feels I leaned heavily on him, which I did in the beginning when all of this was hard, hard, hard.  But I stopped that months ago and his perception lingers.  Anyway, now I feel I can't EVER say how I'm feeling.  If I share "sprinting with the group made me feel lousy becomes I'm not as fast as I want to be", it's negative.  If I share "I'm mad and scared over the medical stuff", it's negative.

See, I'm not a negative person (at least not by measure; compared to family members I'm an optimist).  But I do feel and feel things deeply.  That "intensity" is sometimes an issue for folks.

But please tell me, when did expressing your feelings become "being negative"?  It seems a lot hold this belief.  To me, you have to acknowledge the feeling, process it, and THEN move forward with behavior.  So like if a problem arises, you acknowledge your feelings (anger, upset), feel it, then work to solve the problem.

Most who know and love me see me as a worker, tirelessly trodding forward out of the issues I face in life. 

But then there are those--they just want you to feel nothing.  And yet, how beneficial is that?  And if you share nothing, how close can you end up being?

Does the world now really think sharing your feelings only belongs in therapy?  (Not a knock against therapy or LV's issue.)   Sure seems like it.  I can understand therapy's role, but...just seems contrary to closeness and communciation to me. Kinda not liking people today....

I'm labeled as a whiner and I know I'm negative a lot of the time. At least negative in the sense that I talk about the negative feelings that affect me.  I also talk about the positive feelings just as much.  The difference I find is that people really dwell on the negative and tend to forget the positive. They do this in their own life and they do it when they interact with you.  I've seen this in my marriage, my friendships, my work relations and casual conversation.  Yes, there are some who are dreadfully morbid and negative 90% of the time. Those people have issues but I don't think you are one of those.  I know I often feel like I get on peoples nerves because I talk about myself a lot. lol  When people talk about me being negative I always give them examples of times when I'm not negative. They usually go, "Oh... well you are being negative right now.."  and then that's when you tell them, "Well.. Yes..  I'm experiencing a unpositive situation and it's affecting me. I'm trying to work through it. STFU!". You're experiencing some emotion right now and you're working through it.  I've never known you to be negative.  I realize I haven't seen the whole you but your posts here are normally positive.

Kriz, I tease you about being a whiner, I know you know that! Just had a lil guilt twinge there, but maybe it's indigestion, i dunno..... REALLY:  I just so appreciate that you do so very openly share with us about all that you feel.  yes, you are a wordy cuss, but again, you give of yourself so much. You say what is on your mind and likely about 50 other peeps out here with us! AND you also are so proactive about your whiny-ness.  You are always seeking answers!

Aww Neecee!  (((Hugs))) I am a whiner and I'm proud of it!  It's not just you that tells me that!  You should hear what my wife says!!  She uses a few more colorful words to describe it! heheeh Thank you for your kind words and thanks for putting up with me!  This really is a family here except there's less drama! heheh  I love it! :)

I just want to say I'm really hating a world that just wants you to always STFU.....

I meant for you to tell the people who are saying you are always negative to STFU, not for you to do so.  In other words, it's their turn..

Oh, I know you did, Chris.  I was just saying it does feel like that's what the world wants.

I know what ya mean.  I've gotten to the point where I want to talk about something, but I just keep it to myself because I'm afraid of what people will say.  It's like they don't want to hear certain things anymore.  Sometimes I think that maybe it's because I have mentioned it more than once or twice?  That has got to be it, it's the only thing I can think of.  Just like  your diabetes's, have you mentioned it more than once or twice about your feelings on it?

It really aggrevates me as well because just because you have mentioned it before doesn't mean the problem has gotten resolved.  Or it doesn't stop you worrying!  Some people are in their own little worlds and just don't want to hear it.  I personally say screw em..well because I can..TOMS visiting. hehe  But then again on their behalf, they might not have anything else to say.  Maybe there having a bad day also, you never know if they have troubles of their own they are thinking about that's preoccupying their mind.

Regardless though, if things are still bothering you or worrying you , you shouldn't have to be worried about being negative.  If they are true friends, they will find the time to let you vent.

My two cents. 

I think we kinda react in like 3 fazes.  1. When things are going poorly- we have to talk to get it off our chests. Sometimes we just *need* to get it off our chests- sometimes it is extrememly helpful to get some support or feedback from those around us. 2.  When  things are going GREAT- we are proud or happy and we feel like "bursting" if we don't share- so we talk about it. I don't think it's "bosting" as much as I think it's more an excitement we can't keep in! 3. When things are going smoothly- not anything to be particularly down about- not anything to get your excitement up in either direction... we tend to just plug along. We tend to NOT talk as much cause things are just plugging along okay. I think all that is normal human response to LIFE. I do think, there IS an attitude in the professional world- that if you are paying a person to "service" you in one way or another... whether it be tuning up your car,  or teaching one to take better care of themselves.... they want to stick to JUST THAT. It's HARD to separate the feelings of "friends" that may slide in there WITH the personalities working together. I.e., on a sort of personal end to this point... since this is what I know for ME My job description is: "Professional Child Care Provider" My training is in the health, safety & wellbeing of children in my care. It is in making learning FUN and providing a safe, loving environment for children while in my care. My training stretches in many directions but I am licensed to care for children. I receive training in THAT area.  OFTEN times, I have been asked to do the strangest of things! Build a cardboard car for a kiddo's play. Hem a little girls skirt... fix their hair. CUT their hair. And HOURS of moms just wanting to TALK. Which, most of the time- I don't mind. But it is often TIME consuming as well as EMOTIONALLY consuming. I am often told things... I truly could have lived without. KWIM?  Taking on people in a more PERSONAL level... kind of makes you take the "troubles" home. And most of us have enough on our plates on a personal level- that it makes it HARD to take home MORE. I'm not that way AT ALL in a forum setting... cause there is a different mindset for me. But when you SEE a person daily, you deal with the person a LOT... it's HARD not to take on the personal stuff. So for MANY- I think it's easier to just CUT OFF all but the professional end of the relationship. And "you're negative" might be just the "way out" that some use... so they don't feel they have to deal with it.  In some incidents... I think it's very selfish.... in others- I think it's self preserving. It's REALLY hard to write things down and make them come out right. I'm not sure any of this made sense now that I read it  LOL I've never found your posts real negative- we ALL FEEL negative at times and it's helpful to get it out. Especially if you are extremely worried about something.  It's very helpful to learn others have dealt with the same issues and all turned out okay. It gives you more POSATIVE to lean on. More HOPE and realization that it is likely all going to be OKAY. Just my thoughts!

I can understand how repetition can bring appear negative.  But like using my trainer conversations as an example, this was the FIRST talk we had about the insulin resistance.  THE FIRST!  And occasionally I'll email him how I'm feeling about what we do, how for instance running against one person brings out my disappointment because here I thought I was getting faster and I'm still not fast enough.  And I share this when it happens (and it's been shared again just once).  What is repetitive to him, I suppose, is the self criticism and disappointment as the big picture.... I can't share ANYTHING with anyone anymore....