Ok.. I made the appointments :(

GREAT News!!!!!!  So glad to read your post this morning! I don't think he'll think poorly of you.... hopefully in his position- he's had the training it takes to not be judgmental with people- AND ya know, obesity is such a common thing... I'm sure he has SOMEONE in his life that is obese. His wife, mother, sister... daughter?  Who knows. But I'd be willing to bet- he has a loved one that battles weight.  He knows you can be an AWESOME person and STILL battle the weight.  I'm SO GLAD you made these appointments!!!

Hummm...those a pretty negative experiences!  I wouldn't have gone back either. I'd suggest that you go to a female therapist/shrink.  You might call several groups and ask if they have any females that are good with people with compulsions or depression, that type of thing.   Neither of my therapists brought up abuse.  I never brought it up with my first therapist.  With my second, it didn't come up until I had been going to her for about 3-4 years (I go once a month).  And even then, I brought it up...she asked a couple of questions about my feelings & then apparently dismissed it as irrelevant to my issues (which is correct, it was a one time isolated, not too intrusive-it could have been much worse, I was fondled at the age of 3 by a drunk neighbor-I repressed it until I was 16 & imho, had no bearing on my other issues). Anyway, good luck.  I can't believe a good therapist would be too difficult to find:-(  Maybe I'm just lucky though. Lisa

I'm sorry you had to experience that.  What went on with me was from the age of 5 until about 12.  He was the landlord and always threatened to kick us out of the apartment.  Well.. by the age of twelve I was working full time and was no longer afraid of our family being "evicted".. I was already paying the rent there, so I could have done it anywhere.  I just didn't want to put my mother through that stress.....  so he got a kick in the teeth.  Yea... hope he had to explain THAT one to his wife.. tee hee Like you, I don't feel it has anything to do .. ok.. I shouldn't say ANYTHING, but I don't feel it's an excuse for my poor behavior as an adult.  I'm an adult.. what's past is past.. but for a shrink to want the gory details just freaks me out!!!!  DETAILS!  Was this guy kidding or WHAT! I'm not prejudiced against women professionals.. but I gotta say that I just don't feel comfortable talking to women shrinks.  I kinda feel like I'm being judged.   yanno.. I'm fat and disgusting and i kinda feel like they leave their office and tell their associates "you should have seen the disturbed fat woman I had today".  LOL   Yea.. like I WANNA be this way....   dumb.

I got an appointment with a guy someone suggested.. and again.. I think it's wise if Jon comes with me....  at least until I'm comfortable that certain lines won't be crossed.

I think it's VERY important to find someone you're comfortable with....male or female.  I think it's also important to define when you are feeling uncomfortable about a topic being discussed or if you're feeling pressured.  There has been so much in the media, what with the Oprah and Dr. Phil shows for example, about those who have suffered abuse and the long reaching effects later in life.  Obesity is frequently linked.  I think for many of us, whether abuse is an issue or not, our poor choices in life stem from not being able to love ourselves, or feeling that we are unworthy of love.  I know mine do.  Being abused as a child can certainly lay the basis for those feelings, as do many other things.  But I agree with you...I don't think that a therapist would need to know the "gory details"  to help you with those feelings.  Don't be afraid to be assertive with your therapist in letting them know how you're feeling with your conversations.  It takes a while to develop a relationship and safe environment with a therapist....not something that can be rushed. I have been in counseling several times during the course of my life to get through traumatic times and have always found it beneficial....but you have to find the right therapist.  It's not a quick fix.  I hope this time it will be the right fit for you and you will feel comfortable.  I give you a lot of credit...not an easy step to take, but you are sooooo worth the effort!

I gotta be honest... I don't wanna do it!  ::shaking head:: The Oprah and Dr. Phil stuff just seems to exploit those who are dealing with very private issues for the sake of ratings.   I know abuse has been linked to obesity.. as well as drug abuse.. promiscuity.. lack of self esteem....  obsession with appearance.. the whole 9 yards...... but I can't see how therapy can change that.  Most of us are AWARE of this as adults - it's not like something we have to be taught.  To me it's like closing the barn door after the cow has already disappeared. I'd rather just say "I'm an adult... I made my choices (for whatever reason) whether they are detrimental to my well being or not, they are STILL MY choices made as a mature individual".  It's not like I'm a kid playing with matches... yanno? I'm already stressing over this and the appointment is a couple of weeks away. Is this like DESPERATION to lose weight or what?  I'm willing to try ANYTHING, whether I like it or not!  LOLOLOL Then I think.. what good is it to lose weight afterall.  I'll still be in the same situation.  I'll still be alone and I sure would like a little male companionship...but who the heck would want me anyway.  Ok.. so my health may improve a little more.. but there are other reasons to want to be thin and attractive.. and they certainly aren't physical health related!

I haven't personally found the answer, myself.  I have delved deep within and know I basically don't feel like I DESERVE to be a success at this weight loss thing.  I can lose weight...have lost hundreds of pounds over the years, but can't manage to keep it off.  I know it makes no sense and it's really hard to put into words, but I end up sabotaging myself everytime.  I am learning to love myself more...am finally in a relationship with someone who loves me unconditionally (I think for the first time in my life) and that is helping.  I truly believe the adage that we can't truly love someone until we learn to love (accept) ourselves. I have many self esteem issues and grew up with my mother always telling me...."If only you were thing...if only you would lose weight".  Only what?  I'd be more loveable?  You'd be prouder of me?  You wouldn't be ashamed to admit I was your daughter?  I have had a very tough time being able to let go of those feelings and resentments.  I've lost weight in the past and the minute she says something positive about it, I sabotage my efforts.  It's like...I'm not doing this for you!!!  I've often wondered if maybe I'll never lose this weight until she's gone.  Of course, with all this weight on me and health issues, she might outlive me...she's 83 and going strong. I've maybe gotten way off the subject here...guess you've opened Pandora's Box with my feelings, but this whole self esteem and self worth issue is so hard to crack and I think is at the base of a lot of our problems.  It's not what's happened to us in our lives, but our perceptions and how that has made us feel about ourselves....my $.02.   Don't be afraid to start this process.  You can only come out more well informed about yourself and that's a good thing.  Sometimes being scared of doing something is a good indicator that we're on the right track.

Yanno.. maybe this pandora's box needed to be opened.  There are many of us who deal with this. and many men too, I'm sure.   Is this subject so taboo that we avoid it at all costs.. or can we feel free to discuss that which may have affected the choices we have made as young adults as well as mature women.

"I know abuse has been linked to obesity.. as well as drug abuse.. promiscuity.. lack of self esteem....  obsession with appearance.. the whole 9 yards...... but I can't see how therapy can change that." Well, i think you need to find the person who can help you. I'm wondering if you should seek a woman therapist?  You say you almost think of your abuse a j/o material. That one sentence spoke volumes to me about truat issues with men in general. Just that fact that it brings up that kind of emotion tells me you are not "done" with it. You are right, what's done is done, but, you may be very surprised how much anger shows itself years later - you may not be aware of the degree. Therapy can unlock much of that I am sure!  I think I know what your concern is - the thought of therapy does feel like a clusterf*ck sometimes, all the introspection, all the emotions, etc. In fact, that is why one night,. I deleted my profile from here - got so effin SICK of regurgitating the same ole crap. over and over. sick of talking, wanted to do.  But you know, we're gonna beat this thing until it does make sense. somehow.

Neecee, I really can't deal with a woman therapist.  There's things I'd never say.. I'd try to be prim and proper and you and I BOTH know that this is NOT me.  Sometimes I gotta say just what I'm thinking... because sometimes that's the only way it comes out the way I mean it and I fear I'd offend a woman therapist.  Also, it's not a great feeling to be sitting across from a size 2 while complaining about my SIZE. As far as the j/o material comment... that comes from when the therapist asks for DETAILS... DETAILS... like yea.... I really wanna give details.  I'd much rather give details of a pleasurable sexual experience than describe in detail  what someone did TO me.. rather than WITH me.  Grrrrrrrrrrr.. the whole thing just ****** me off.  Sometimes I feel like these people just simply get off on these things.  Well, I don't.. and I have no choice but to wonder why having these very humiliating details is so important to a therapist.  Hey.. it happened.....  can't I just be honest and say that without saying what and how and when and what cir****tance.  THAT's downright HUMILIATING.... and makes me feel as though it's my fault.. and I'm the criminal. I know this is an important subject.....   but it invokes such feelings of anger sometimes that I think most of it is better left UNSAID.  Let 'em use their imagination... I'm sure they'e heard it all before.. but dayem.. don't call me "uncooperative" because I won't offer a play by play recap... yanno?

okay a few things.... first of all, i agree with some of what has been written. the match with the therapist is THE most important aspect of therapy. if you don't have a trusting, respectful relaitonship with your therapist, you wil not get anywhere. yes, this might mean meeting a couple different people to see who feels right. if you feel the need to hide things from your therapist, or you feel invaded, or the need to lie then you NOT with the right person.  abuse is hugely impactful in adult life. and as mentioned, it is correlated with obesity and binge eating. this does not mean you need to give tiny details, but it does mean talking about and processing the events and the feelings and consequences that it brought up and how it impacts your functioning today. you do talk about anger - anger was a huge part of me not being ableto lose weight and i had no idea until i looked back years later. and i don't have an abuse history of anything particularly traumatic in my past. i agree with neecee in that a female therapist would probably be a better fit for you. but again, since you've had bad experiences in the past, it wouldbe important for you to do a little research and comparison before choosing who you want to work with. not all female therapists are a size 2 (ahem) and even if they are, that doesn't mean they are incapable of empathizing with you. the same way you don't want others to judge you for your size, who are we to judge a size 2? plus if that is something you are self conscious about, how could a man understand your struggle at all when body image and obesiy is a very different experience for men? also make sure you check the qualifications of who you are going to and make sure they are licensed. "shrink" technically refers to a psychiatrist, who may or may not have much training in providing therapy. a psychologist (clinical or counseling) would have the most training. then masters level/social worker. there are also many out there who specialize in eating disorders and body image. ask lots of questions. and really, there is probably little (if anything) you could say to a therapist that would offend them - we've pretty much heard everything. a good therapist would never make you feel judged and if you are feeling judged insession, you need to speak up and say so. unfortunately, there are bad therapists out there and you may have to put in some work to find the best match for you. but speakng from my own experience, finding a good therapist can change, or maybe even save, your life.