Ok.. I made the appointments :(

Alrighty then..   I made an appointment with a shrink (no offense to those in the mental health profession.. it's just the way I talk).  That's March 3.. but I want to try to change it to March 5th when Jon is off cause I feel like a total idiot going to a shrink.  I just don't want to get labeled, and I HATE when they ask those seriously personal questions that I just don't feel comfortable answering.  I mean... even when you say "I don't feel comfortable", they PUSH until ya wanna slap 'em.  I just don't wanna be wasting anyone's time.. yanno.  I don't want to go see a shrink just because I have no life.. yanno.. but if a few pounds does this to me.. puts me in such a major funk, I probably do need a shrink.  I feel quite humiliated.  I hope he doesn't think poorly of me just because I'm fat. I also made an appointment with a rheumatologist on March 5th as well.  Jon said he'll take me to both.  I gotta go there (and I have no idea where the hell I'm going) in advance to sign a release so they can get my records from Florida.  He did buy that Garmin, so maybe that'll help me get around more easily.  It DOES take the stress out of driving in strange places.   I got on the scale.. after 80 mg of lasix, it's 232.  I'm making way too many mistakes and it's holding me up.  I ate a mini Italian pastry late last night and I checked my bs first thing and it said 120.  Now it's saying 155 - 168.  Yea.. I screwed up.. and I will NOT take that freakin' insulin.  (Yea.. I do keep 1 bottle of each in the fridge in case of emergency).  Of all the things I've had access to and RESISTED with NO problem.. it's the darned mini pastry I couldn't resist.  They just tast like HOME to me.. yanno?   Ok.. I'm off to the gym... I took a couple of vicodin so maybe I'll get through this. See yaz lata! Lori  

I am glad to hear it. You are still young and should not be so stilted by health problems.  I know you have so many to contend with.  Here's hoping you get some releif and answers.  Hey, just about everybody could stand to get an evaluation and guidance.  Don't feel like such a loser. This may be the answer you have been groping for to deal with those kids and the ex - you are quite overwhelmed in general and do need a hand here.

Best of luck, chickita

Regarding the "shrink" thing.... Just wanted to say that I understand what you're saying about feeling like an idiot and like you're going to be judged or labeled.  I was very much like that when I began going (and I was a psych. major in college - LOL) But, the most important thing is to find someone you feel comfortable with.  I have met and talked with MULTIPLE people over the course of my life and finally found someone about 5 years ago that I really felt comfortable with.  I remember the first guy I ever met with was a guy much older than me -- he was probably in his 60's and I was in my teens -- it was completely uncomfortable to talk to him about anything -- then over several years I saw several younger females (20's and 30's) and it was better, but still no 'click' -- then 5 years ago I found a guy who was in his 40's -- I was mid 20's.  He was from New York and very different from the guys around here where I live -- he was admittedly a little more 'gruff' (for lack of a better way to say it) than I was used to but it was exactly what I needed.  We literally just sat around and talked about things.  It felt like I was talking to someone I would hang around with, but at the same time he was someone I trusted and looked to for SOUND advice.  I don't see him anymore and haven't for about a year, but I did for about 4 total.  It did a lot for me and I came to realize that it was one of the best things I could have done for ME. I guess what I'm trying to say is -- if you don't feel comfortable with this person you are going to see, don't give up -- find someone else -- keep trying until you find someone you really click with.  When you do find that person it will be worth it.  When I found that type of relationship with the therapist I didn't really FEEL like I was being PSYCHOANALYZED ya know?  I felt like I was just getting good advice from someone, etc...   maybe like you'd get here!  ..just sayin!...

Glad you got your appointments...not too long of a wait either. Hey, I always enjoyed my "counseling" appointments.  You finally get someone to listen to you, even if you do have to pay them!  LOL Hope you get some answers and start feeling better..... about everything

Have you ever actually been to a therapist/shrink?  Or is that just your impression?  I ask this because that was my attitude before I went to a therapist & I was completely wrong.  I've had 2; the first one died of a fluke case of pneumonia.  Neither was overly inquisitive & definately not judgemental.  We talk about what I want to talk about & what is bothering me, they listened, took notes & then asked open ended questions....like, "why do you think it upset you so?"  "do you think your response was realistic?" or "do you think you could have tried x y or z?",  that type of thing. Anyway, good luck.  My therapist has helped me tremendously.  I hope it works for you too. Lisa

Ok.. this is personal..and granted.. it could have a lot to do with why I let myself get so fat.. but it explains why I have resisted therapy.  No one knows me here.. and to be honest.. I trust you guys more than shrinks anyway... LOLOL Yes..  I tried going to one a couple of times.. one was just last year and after the first appointment I didn't go back.  He was way too interested in "abuse" and wanted details and pushed me even though I said VERY POLITELY that I didn't feel comfortable with that subject.  I answered the question honestly without knowing he was going to attempt to get the intimate details or I would have lied about it.   I may not be well educated, but I'm fairly intelligent and know how to communicate.  I KNOW that there couldn't have been any confusion when I stated that I did not wish to discuss it.... that it made me feel "uncomfortable".  The more he pushed, the more angry I became and I REALLY had to hold myself back from saying "if you want j/o material.. get it from porn like everyone else, but GET OFF MY BACK".  I really got WAY pissed off!  What's what is MY business!  I did actually say that by the way.. I said "that's MY business".   These are things I haven't even discussed in detail with my husband of 25 years, and this guy thought I'd go into disgusting details on a first meeting?  NEVER!  Never in a MILLION years... stranger or NOT!   I felt like a criminal getting the third degree!!  I felt like he was trying to make me feel ASHAMED of my past.. and that's NOT why I went there! I don't want to go through that again.  We all know the definition of insanity.....  repeating the same behaviors over and over and expecting a different result.. that's why I feel like an idiot going to a shrink again.   I think if Jon is with me this time though, the shrink won't bring it up.. or if he does.. Jon will tell him that this is NOT a subject we discuss and maybe the shrink won't "push" me .. especially if I have a male authoritative figure WITH me.  I don't know.  It seems that it's a "given" in the psyche world that if an adult woman is "angry" she MUST have been sexually abused and they want DETAILS!  C'mon...  that's sick.  I should have suggested that the shrink see a shrink!  You'd think they will have had enough experience to know when to back off. The first guy I saw was the same way.. .but at least he waited for 10 visits or so.. then it was sex, sex, sex, sex..  and actually said things that made me feel uncomfortable.. like.. he brought up oral sex.  My answer "Yea.. I'm good at it.. I should have my LIPS bronzed....  now what the hell does that have to do with the price of tea in China!" <- smart ass I would like to deal with my obsessive behavior when it comes to the scale.  I would like to learn how to deal with being alone all the time.  I would like to learn ways to deal with the depression that is caused by the physical pain.  I'd like to find some self-esteem and try to be satisfied with what I am and my physical appearance.  I'm tired of feeling inferior and ugly.  I'd like to walk around holding my head up instead of always looking down at the ground.  Yanno... normal shrink stuff... lol  I want to stop worrying about people staring at me like I'm a circus side show freak because of my size!!! What do I have to do?  Interview the person first?  Do I say right off "I don't want to discuss abuse"?  Should I just lie?  If I do.. It's a waste of money!  I just don't know how to do this without feeling like an idiot.  The last time I went my sister was with me and he asked her to leave the room.  I said "no.. whatever you want to know.. trust me.. my sister already knows". I just feel like an idiot.. or that maybe I'm not "openminded" enough to discuss that which I'm sure other women discuss freely.  See what I mean about being "labeled"?  I know this probably has a lot to do with my weight..letting myself go... a self preservation tactic... but answering the question with a "yes" or "no" should be enough. Thoughts on this???  Hell.. I know I'm not the only one. 

"What do I have to do?  Interview the person first?  Do I say right off "I don't want to discuss abuse"?  Should I just lie?  If I do.. It's a waste of money!  I just don't know how to do this without feeling like an idiot. " Why not?  I mean.....why not start off by telling the person what you are hoping to get out of this and telling him/her that there are things you are not comfortable discussing right off the bat (or ever for that matter).  The truth is....that YOU are in control of what you get out of therapy.  You decide.  You shouldn't feel uncomfortable.  Now....that doesn't mean that things won't be brought up that won't visit some not-so-pleasant or hunky-dory times in your life -- we all have demons -- we all have things in our life that DO contribute to the things we need to work through now -- and it IS important to discuss some of them in order to get past them once and for all.  HOWEVER, if someone is pushing something you are not ready to discuss, YOU need to be able to tell them you aren't ready.  So yes, I think you SHOULD be up front with this person and tell them where you are coming from.  I think if it's the right person for you, it will help them to better help YOU.

If you have the same problems this time, maybe you need to try seeing a woman.  I wish you knew someone who could give you a good name to go with.  That has always been the most successful route for me. I am so glad you made the appointments.  We are pulling for you.

Oooh I was praying you would get out of your slump. Oh good for you for making those appointments. I'm so happy for you! You sound so much better today, glad to see your going to the gym too!