Need A Little Encouragement

So, today was the first real group training session for my challenge.  It was nice to have the camaraderie, but I will miss the one on one.   The session also left me a little emotional (or is it PMS?).  My trainer months ago opened my eyes to how hard I am on myself.  And that's like a virus and I feel it coming on right now.  Why am I so competitive?  Why do I think I have to be the best at what I do?  Clearly I can't be best at all things.  I accept that usually, such as God didn't bless me with dancing skills...I can swim to save my life, but don't take to it naturally, etc. Well, today was a circuit of sprints, plyometrics and core work.  During sprints, while I was moving at my fastest (I watched my form and was really taking to what I had learned about how to move faster), still two newbies moved slightly faster. I am reasoning with myself that one is 180lbs and the other 211 and that's a lot less than me. Of course an extra 70-100lbs will make me slower.  I wasn't terribly slow, I was actually fast, just...well, you know, wanted to smoke 'em and I didn't. I'll use it as motivation, but it made me want to cry. I gave 110%, that's all I can ask of myself. I did smoke 'em with legs, steps, and abs (I've got 6 months of training over them, so I know the movements and my body)...I just want more out of myself. In the long run, I really want to win and am trying not to allow myself to be too hopeful as I don't want to be sorely disappointed.  I'm doing what I can.  Atkins is moving the scale again, I'm working out hard.  I can only control my choices and behavior and let my body do what it's going to do.... My hope?  In two months I hope to lose 20-30 lbs and I hope that's enough bodyfat% to win. Silver lining?  Gotta look for that (as my eyes are tearing up as I type this at work)...well, my visceral fat detailed on my scale report has dropped from 18 to 14 as of today, I am down 3lbs since Saturday, I had great form, moved fast as I could, persevered....

There's two ways to look at this:   One:  By expecting more out of yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure.  No one can meet every one of their dreams.   We all want to - hell, that's what goals are.  But when things are out of your reach, you need to accept it and set reachable goals for yourself.  Is sprinting as fast as those girls who are 70-100lbs lighter than you doable?  It seems difficult to me.  They've got a lot less to run with than you do.  So by expecting this from yourself, are you setting yourself up for disappointment?  Think about it. Two:  You're doing awesome at the pace/level/speed you're at now.  I think you're pushing yourself to your peak.  You're doing a great job at getting the most out of your body and yourself.  Try to relax a little about wanting more.  There's only so much you can expect and you'll get what you want, but in time.  Try to be more patient with yourself.  You'll get there.

One:  By expecting more out of yourself, you're setting yourself up for failure.  No one can meet every one of their dreams.   We all want to - hell, that's what goals are.  But when things are out of your reach, you need to accept it and set reachable goals for yourself.  Is sprinting as fast as those girls who are 70-100lbs lighter than you doable?  It seems difficult to me.  They've got a lot less to run with than you do.  So by expecting this from yourself, are you setting yourself up for disappointment?  Think about it.
My trainer would probably say:  Use it as motivation, yes you can smoke 'em, just Do.  But he would agree with you that...
Two:  You're doing awesome at the pace/level/speed you're at now.  ...  You're doing a great job at getting the most out of your body and yourself.  ...Try to be more patient with yourself.  You'll get there. Thanks for the insight.

I think the most important thing for you to do, is to re-read your own post, and focus on the following things that YOU said: Clearly I can't be best at all things. I gave 110%, that's all I can ask of myself. I did smoke 'em with legs, steps, and abs  I'm doing what I can. and most of all..... I can only control my choices and behavior and let my body do what it's going to do.... I know it's tough, and I am NOT saying this to play down anything that you are saying -- believe me.  I feel for you.  I think it's good for you to type it out and get out how you feel about things, but seriously, re-read what you wrote because it's all right there.....you said what you need to hear better than I think any of us could......  You are doing great! ((hugs))

Thank you, JennyJenn.

I guess I didn't expect another grade school gym flashback of feeling like I was too slow and sucked at athletics.

You're doing fine. Don't get down on yourself.  Now I wish I had some kind of competition like this. I love competing, I win. :) I dont like to lose, wait I hate losing. I am an athlete and i love a good competition especially when there is something to win!

Back in school it was all about feeling awful that I was overweight and that was it.  Now I define myself as athletic, but yet today made me think "You sure?" And I will hate losing....

You beat me to the punch.  That's probably exactly what's in the back of your head.  I know it would be for me, especially if I had been working so hard.  Sounds like me when I'm PMS.  I get weepy over things that seem so rediculous - then I realize it might be PMS.  Maybe its a combo of what you were expecting of yourself - ooo, deadly. You were surprised that it upset you, so maybe next time it won't affect you so much.

I'd say I have a good chance at coming in 2nd.  There's one woman who is heavier (I think, though you never know because in a pic the 211 woman and I looked the same size), and this woman hasn't really worked out.  However, she chatted how she can lose 30lbs a month on a rice diet, so I don't put that past her. The other two women are smaller, so less to lose, but one is new to training (211) and the other has taken it slow and easy. What I have going in my favor is Atkins and my work ethic and a little of my athleticism.  1st place is 20 free PT sessions, 2nd is 10, and there was talk from a teammate that my trainer suggested he'd make sure all of us got some reward, but still...I don't want a consolation prize.  I want the grand prize. I never knew I was this competitive....