I feel guilty

Oh gosh no. Those pictures scare me. I dont even want to be thin. I like being thick...My goal is 160ish lowest is 150 and I am still only somewhere between a size 10-12 so oh no none of those sites...I think its horrible to look like that...I like being chubby...

I hope this is just a freak out moment, but heed it at least as just a warning.  IMO, this is due to utilizing severe restriction motivated by a desperate desire to achieve your goals fast.  Food is your friend, not your enemy.  Use it to fuel your life, not control it.  YOU control yourself, food need not control you.   I know you said you have binge issues and I think your method for weight loss has exacerbated a problem area.  Counseling would be beneficial. ((hug))

I believe I am just having a freak out moment in my life. Because after I posted it I sat there and thought....well I might just be freaking out and need to calm it down a bit. Because at times I do eat normal. Like I have lunch, and dinner sometimes I might eat breakfast...there are just those days where I feel so guilty about eating. Like today I went over to my parents house at lunch to let the dog out and someone had made brownies..I seen them and tried talking myself out of it...but ended up eating one...the normal portion size which lead me to eat a twizzler...just one. I went back to work feeling guilty..I still do a bit...but I just should have taken my protein shake with me on lunch and I would have made a better choice. And tonight I am going to Uno's and I have been debating back and forth back and forth about a Long Island Iced Tea...because it has been over a month since I have ordered one...I don't want to waste stupid liquid calories...those things have so many calories in them its insane. I already know I am going to be eating the lettuce wraps minus the noodles which cuts most of the carbs and some calories out. Gosh I am so wrapped up in it.  As far as counseling....I don't believe in it. I know stubborn huh. This board is "counseling" for me.  I'm just freaking out, I do this from time to time over things...not just food and exercise. I have my moments for everything.

Well keep on posting girl! :P   I think you should have the long island. It's important to treat yourself and if that's what you like then you have it. Remember, having the tea isn't going to make you gain a pound.  Remember you gotta eat 3500 calories in excess to put on a pound of fat.  That's hard to do in one sitting.. So if you're 'good' the rest of the week it's not going to hurt to indulge just this once.  There is a place for brownies and alcohol in your diet. They are fuel for good emotion. If you refrain from them forever then you're going to end up where you are now..showing signs of anorexia. Now, go have the lettuce wraps and wash them down with the long island iced tea! You'll need it cuz those things a BLEGH! lol By the way, have you tried counseling?  I didn't believe in it either but then I realized I've never tried it and don't have room to talk. Actually, talking with Andrea on several occasions opened me up to the idea. Still haven't gone but at least I feel better about going should the need ever arise.

hey! whats not to believe about counseling??? its a very noble and important profession (or at least that's what i'm teling myself after all this grad school!). My disclaimer: this is my personal opinion only. I am not a licensed professional....yet...  :) okay yes, breathe. i am not worried about you become anorexic. that is a clinical definition where you are significantly below a normal BMI, you stop menstruating and lose your hair. But having said that, you are definitely thinking is disordered eating patterns, much like 95% of american women. EDNOS, as we say. Compensating - whether it vomiting, exercising, taking alli, whatever, its not a healthy pattern to get into. Its definitely something you really need to keep in check. As others have mentioned, its very easy to take things a little too far and get to a bad place. And trust me, its really a nasty and unhealthy place to be. I know i deal with most of the feelings you're talking about most days and i fight it hard. Not saying that there aren't some days where the disordered overrules the logical, but you have to keep fighting the good fight. We know your thoughts are not logical - your RMR is at least 1500 calories - a subway sandwich and a bowl of noodles is not enough to fuel your body especially with exercise and therefore, your efforts will not pay off and you'll end up frustrated and even more desparate and disordered trying to figure it all out. In the end, none of this is about the food or calories or exercise. Everything about this journey is mental. I think that right now, you have just started to taste some real success and perhaps you're really hopeful for the first time in a long time.  And that's fine. It also might have some connection with the phen - that is a very real drug that can effect brain chemistry and therefore appetite, emotions, impulsivity, obsessiveness etc. I would see how things go, keep an eye on it. I know working with personal trainers and therapists has helped me to stay in check with how irrational all this stuff can be. Even if you don't want to go to a counselor at this point, go to border's or barnes and nobles - there are a TONS of great books out there about eating disorders, overcoming emotional eating, metabolism, fitness etc (there are also lots of crappy dieting books, but i digress). I dunno. My 2 cents...

I was wondering if you would comment. There is nothing wrong with it at all I just don't I don't know...lol.  I think you may be right I am for once tasting some success and I am freaking out about it...and the drug yes effects the brain. Since it effects the Central Nervous System. I didn't exercise last night after I came home....I thought about it I almost didn't fall asleep because of it I almost got out of bed at 1am to do 20 minutes of cardio but I didn't. I ended up finally falling asleep...now I wish I had but i will live lol.  So thank you everyone :) I love this forum because of all of you and your advice

This forum is close to group therapy - the advice is wise, for the most part...maybe not practical at times, but still. Venting and seeing my issues in print do a lot for me, I know that! And...as we type, we have to organize the thoughts, and that practice helps, too! I am glad Andy cleared up that you are not likely anorexic - like me, you are not destined to be slightly built and frail no matter what. As Andy says, you have disordered eating patterns.  You know this, we have talked before.  It is terrifying to eat when you have issues with food - I know, I still do. Christa, I am more than 2x your age, and there are days when that stinkin thinkin comes into my mind (party tonight, so I'll starve all day, or i have not eaten all day,so i can binge, or it's low fat so i can have 3x the amount, all this kind of thing) It does not go away completely, but you will get to where you have it in its place. YOU get to make the call about what goes into your mouth. trust the better data:  you cannot go wrong by thinking about eating more fruits & veggies, less fast foods, less booze, etc.