I feel guilty

when I eat that is. Everytime I eat I feel guilty like I just destroyed myself. It doesn't matter if it is healthy or not. I mean if it isn't then I feel extremely guilty like I have failed. But I feel as if I fail everytime I put food in my mouth. I know I shouldn't feel that way. And if I eat I HAVE to do some kind of exercise to make myself feel better. To make it where I believe i have burned some of it off. Like yesterday. Lunch consisted of the Roasted Chicken Sub from Subway containing around 400 calories at the most. I felt awful eating that much....so after work I went and got my script but then headed out to the gym. All I could think about was burning everything off. 20 minutes on the bike, 20 minutes on the elliptical, and 20 minutes on the tredmill. So I end up getting hom for some reason I want to eat! And usually i will not eat after 7pm now. So I go to the freezer and pull out my baked chicken Lean Cuisine. 240 calories. Then for some ungodly reason I want MORE! I cook up a big bowl of noodles and put I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Light on them and Parmesan Cheese. I only take 4 bites of it and put the rest in the fridge. I am so mad at myself after I let the food sit i pop in some TurboJam and do that...I am still not satisfied i remembered I still had some Alli pills left...I pop one of them to make myself feel better even if no fat comes out...this is insane. I am barely eating ANYTHING at all and freaking out over it!  I am going to drive myself to insanity.

Hey girl, the best advice I can give you is for you to see a counselor.  What you are describing sounds like the onset of a more serious eating disorder.  I too struggle with this guilt every single time I feel 'full' after I eat. If I eat something and don't feel full, I'm okay.  I also don't feel like I have to go do2 hours of exercise to burn off what I ate.  Still, I exhibit some of the same symptoms that you do.  I strongly urge you to go and get some help before it gets worse.  I wouldn't go to a psych and say, "Help me, I think I'm starting to be come anorexic." Instead I would just explain to he/she what your goals are and that you are concerned about the way you are feeling.  Keep talking about it here too. We can be supportive if nothing else. I don't know how to tell you to stop feeling this way and I don't need to tell you it's not healthy, because you already know that.  I'm sure I can speak on behalf of everyone and say that we love ya girl and we don't want to see you struggle with this!

My initial reaction was the same -- that this could very well be the beginnings of something more serious.  Eating disorders are nothing to mess with and they can spiral out of control very quickly -- not to scare you, but it would be wise to seek some help now, while it's still something that can be turned around fairly quickly.  People can become obsessed with exercise just the same as they are with eating and it makes logical sense that those of us who have had problems with food in the past, could end up transferring those behaviors to other areas when the food isn't there to do the same thing anymore.  It's a power struggle really.  I have a very dear friend who has bullemia and it is a battle for her every day.  It isn't something I understand completely because I've never been there, but I do understand how one's mind can get screwed up as it relates to food/exercise, etc... I think it sounds like you are doing a lot of great things for yourself, and you are trying to get a hold of this problem early on (with food) -- please don't ignore this behavior that you yourself already see as unhealthy.  It truly is something that you can work through with the help of a professional. Good luck, and good job on all of the great choices you have been making for yourself!

amen to what has been said! Think about OA or counseling if at all possible! And...i will add that it is very hard to find the line where one in some ways MUST get obsessive about food and exercise to be able to change. I've been there with my food and movement, so i know.  I used to do 5 hour walks, trying to "undo"  what I'd eaten...didn't work.  It takes a long while to change habits - really change them - and then about as long to not freak out about every bite, every jumping jack!

We were talking about this on the Lap Band Board the other day.  It's the beginnings of Anorexia.  I have it too. When you go for a long time without food, it's almost a "high".  It's like "Yay!  I'm hungry but I'm not giving in!  I'm not feeding the beast and I'm in control!!"  And when you do eat, you feel like "Shoot, I ate, my body is in control of me, not the other way around, and I failed because I gave in to my hunger." It's sick.  Sick sick sick and I hate that I do it, but I DO feel like that.  I bet you feel the same way.  It sucks.

I go from binge eating to this the complete opposite. WTF? Thanks everyone for the support. I don't think I will become anorexic, because I do eat. I know I am pushing signs of it tho. I don't think I will go as far as not eating....I have gone a day without eating before...those are the days when I have no time to even think about food. And i dont get home until midnight or later. But I know I am building signs for exercise anorexia. Because i know for a fact after I get home from uno's tonight i will do TurboJam just to feel better that I burned something...I have exercised at midnight because I refused to go to bed until I did. And Janina I believe that you and I are the same person. lol You and I are exactly the same.  We both have the same traits when it comes to our habits.

You do know that anorexics do eat right?  Albeit it's very very little. They don't get in enough of all the nutrients and end up damaging their body to the point that it's very difficult to repair.  You've got insurance right?  I strongly, strongly urge you to go talk to your doctor about this. Don't ever think, "Oh that won't happen to me. I'm stronger than that."    Take a look at your original post and think about the calories you ate and then think about how many you burned.  If you're canceling out all or most you ate with exercise then you might as well not being eating anything at all.  It will only progress from there. Sometimes it's easier for others to see what's going on with us than it is for ourselves to see.  Like I said before, we love you and don't want you to go through this.  Don't be stubborn, go see a doc! What can it hurt?

You are going to hate me for this maybe...but I think it may be the pills..i remember when i took a pill sort of like what you are taking..you and i talked about it outside the board...and i had the same thoughts.. i know of someone that was also on the pills and she would go all day and may not eat because she would feel guilty if she did..or she may only eat a small bag of chips..you know that eating different and exercise is the key to losing weight..maybe you should just start weaning yourself off of the pills..you didnt have these thoughts before you were on this pill did you?? The reason i say this..is i know that everyone is different..but i only took the pills for a month and a half because they started making me feel really weird..and it took one morning getting up..and went a day or two without taking a pill..and i woke up and i felt horrible..couldnt even get out of bed and i told my husband..man if this is what speed feels like when you are off of it..i dont know why people do it.. I say speed because my doctor told me all those pills were...was speed..be careful!!!

I'm ok...I had a freak out day.  :) I just needed to express all of my feelings. And yes before the pills I would do the same thing.I would go 2 days without eating and what not....so its a normal thing for me...I freak out. :)

This is scary...

First I was worried because you were considering going online to buy diet pills if the doc wouldnt give them to you... now I see you fretting over eating a few hundred calories in a DAY.  This is not healthy behavior.  Please, please get some help.. See a counselor, go to an OA meeting - SOMETHING!   Next you are going to tell me you are visiting ANA websites online and obsessing over photos of thin women and wishing that you could be thin like them too...