Need to gripe and whine about hubby's weight (LONG)

No flaming from me! Just an honest feeling of understanding! I am dealing with the very same thing with my hubby. He is 5'11"... not real tall! And when he weighed the other day- fully clothed- he weighed 258!  I am getting really concerned as well (He has a really pudgy round belly... and I've read this leads to higher risk of heart attacks)  He has also started smoking again- not sure how much cause he hides it from us.  I love that man... I don't want to live my "old" life without him :( I can be working like crazy at trying to drop weight and he will just MOW DOWN anything in his way. And it's food with a lot of fat and sugar. He can actually sit and drink a soda... while eating a candy bar or piece of cake!  BLAHK! One or the other for me... NOT both :)   LOL So other than understanding... I guess I don't have any ideas    I wish I knew the answer. 

I just worry about a heart attack because of the 'Buddah Belly'.

Mine mows down food too.  In some respects he tries- diet soda, eats our healthy meal plan.  But on the other hand he sneak eats, he is definately an opportunity eater- eg parties and doesn't exercise enough for what he's eating- so slowly his weight is creeping up.  If he were stable I wouldn't be even anywhere near as concerned.

Thanks for the understanding.  If I ever find the answer I promise to share it!  

Em 

Aww Em, you care about your hubby..nothing wrong with that!  I understand where your coming from.  I have been trying to change my way of life, and have a husband that IS that person.  Everyone here gave you good thoughts.  I know you want to change it but the only way is to keep being his support and never give up.   You giving up trying to convince him to exercise or eat healthy is just going to give him more of a reason to get a bigger bag of chips.  I'm sure you have already had heart to heart talks with him.  If not, maybe you should take him somewhere you won't be interrupted and have a good talk to tell him how worried you are.  I agree with others, just keep hounding him.  BUT, I do know that he will not change until he is ready.  It's an addiction, you of all people know this.  It's hard to do, and one must do it for them self.  Sorry, but I don't have any other ideas.  I've been working on my husband as well.  My heart goes out to you, keep us informed on how it goes.  Some day you'll get through to him.

Thanks HollyRachel, You are right, I do know about the addiction- I have been him.  I know where he 'is' probably more than he even knows himself.  He's in denial land.

After reading all these thoughful and caring responses I think I might try a heart to heart. I won't give up on him. I want him to have what I have now- health, fitness and freedom to join in all those things I used to avoid.

Em

Hi Em! Finally, back here with a bit of time to answer you.  Boy, not much you can do! I only Kriz's answer to you, but I bet many said the same. He is not ready.  As a spouse, we owe it to each other to share that type of concern. Not nag, but not let subject be the elephant in the room (LOL).  It needs to be addressed in a non-threatening, but consistent way. My DH also is gaining, it is not one iota of an issue with our attraction for each other, but like you, I know he has a small multitude of familial and current health issues that are directly related to what he eats. My DH is partly in shock, he WAS pencil thin most of his life, so he really is reacting badly to something very new to him.  How long has your honey been fat? If not long, it is something to take into consideration...these kinds of realizations take time.  My DH actually said to me within moments of each other:  gee, honey, all my work buddies think you are looking so good losing 40# lately...hey let's fry potatoes and eggs and bacon for breakfast! Some days, i try to eat some low portion version of what he is eating, but this day, I HAD TO refuse entirely and eat a bowl of cereal.  I told him, i didn't lose eating taters and eggs every weekend! It is really difficult to manage this kind of lifestyle change when you live with someone you are trying to love & honor. Food is very important to my DH and I...I knew this going in. We are not willing to eat rabbit food all of the time. Yet, i can no longer afford to eat (neither can he), the deep fried, buttery saucy ways he would love to eat more of!  All you can do is say as lovingly as you can that YOU choose to stay on YOUR plan. I hope he does not think every time you choose your own foods more often that it is not some kind of diss on him!

You sure you are across the world from me?  Mine went out for ice cream, some kind of Ben and Jerry's, I did not even look at the name, but it was very crunchy, he laid in bed and ate the whole pint.  I just rolled over and went to sleep.  He too could loose 10% of his weight, but hey, he is a guy and guys can "carry" the weight and not look bad.  He should take a look at his heart and liver, cause I know what they look like.  Don't feel bad, you came to the right place.  I have had to think of myself with dinner out by telling hubby and daughter no, I already ate,  or no, cause I am going to the gym.  You can't live his life, but you can keep on tremendously living yours. Patty