Daddy died...I have no control now...

My first band fill was on November 20, then my daddy suddenly died on Dec. 2nd. I have not cared about good choices or exercise since then. Please pray for me to get it together, for my health and for my children. Thanks to all *****ad this.

I'm sorry for your loss... this is a tough time for you :(   And during the holidays to boot :( I don't have any experience with the band (wish I DID! LOL)  But I DO have experience with weight AND grief .  By the age of 38, I had lost my mom, dad, 4 of 5 aunts/uncles, grandparents, my best friend and finally a son. I know grief and it really SUCKS. My thoughts as I read your post are, to hopefully convey to you how even though it is SO HARD to get yourself even UP and some days it's hard to get as far as brushing your teeth in the morning, but if you MAKE yourself... I know you won't want to... but if you MAKE yourself go for a brisk walk each day... get some sort of exercise in your day.... it is VERY VERY good for working your grief. It is a proven fact that it helps depression.  Also, if you have any sort of grief support around you... I just joined one 3 weeks ago and it has been 10 years since my son died. It still helps. Just to TALK with others who are grieving as well. I never had that available before- how I wished it was there. (I lived for 2 years on an online support group called "Grief and Healing" - it is run by a social worker- Tom Golden & was very helpful) Lastly, try hard to remember that as much as you love your dad... HE loves YOU.  And he would NOT want you to loose control of your banding. He would WANT you to be healthy so you can give his grandchildren the love that he can no longer share with them. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so very hard :(  (((((hugs)))))  

Thank you so much for your reply. I am so sorry for your many losses, and will pray for you to find peace. You have been a great help, I really need to be kicked in the butt right now. My daddy would be really mad if he knew I lost control even for a minute after all I've been through to get this far. I am thankful for the 61 lbs I've already lost, and if I don't lose anymore this month, so be it, right?? Thanks again for your help, I will check into the grief website. Sounds like I need it right now. Have a blessed Holiday season---Sue

Chunky mama has pretty much summed it up, but I just wanted to give you my condolence's.   I lost my dad about a year and a half ago, and as like you didn't care much about anything afterward.  I won't repeat anything, because mama has already said it all.  But do FORCE yourself to get active, to move, to do anything!  Walk, looking in the mall, anything that will get yourself  out of this rut.  To this day I still use my dad as a tool.  Lol, I know that sounds sort of weird, but I have his picture where my gym equipment is.  I wanted him to see me sooo bad while I was at my skinniest and he never got to see me.  So now I feel like he is with me while I am exercising and I literally catch myself staring at his picture all the time while working out.  He's in a better place, as your dad is too.  Now they can see us change and become a better person.  I'm sure that's what they want for us.   I can't wait to lose it all again so my dad can now see the thinner and a more stronger person than I've ever been.  

Thanks, Holly---although I miss him a lot, I know his spirit is right here with me, and he's proud of me. You are as beautiful inside as you are in your picture. We will all be ok in time, won't we?? Thanks again--have a great Christmas! --sue

You will do what you need.  Grief has a way of answering itself. When my dad died i was on Nutrisystem.  The immediate days after his death, I couldn't eat more than crackers and water.  Eventually I gave up the program, unable to be rigid with myself.  Then gave into fast foods and comfort foods and gained the weight back. The key is to feel what you're feeling, but not respond with food.  Avoid your trigger foods, if you've identified them.  But otherwise, don't try to diet. Do get exercise.  The breathing will serve as a coping mechanism and the activity a distraction, both physical and emotional. Those of us who have lost a parent are there holding you up in spirit.

Thank you, JerseyGirl--- it's sometimes nice to know that someone understands. Take care--- Sue

Sue: My sympathy goes out to you. Don't totally abandon exercise. If you can get away from the kids for an 30 mins to an hour. Take a walk.. no set pace and release... whether crying, screaming, sobbing, whatever makes you feel better. It will be good for your bereavement.  As far as eating, don't go bust. Try to manage your current weight and not gain any during this time. You can do this by having some comfort foods. Don't add to your sorrow: first the dealing with your dad's passing, then feeling bad about the eating choices you made.  This shall pass. -Bud 

I'm praying for strength for you at this sad time, Sue. Hang in there! And keep in touch with us.  Let us know how you're doing. Bren

I am so sorry! I wish I could say it gets better, but it does not.  It becomes a pain that you learn to live with. I miss my dad more every day he is gone - it's been ten years! Such is life.

Right now, you are in crisis mode, so it is hard to care about much. I will say that part of learning to live with this pain is to be alone for a while each day a walk with God and think of the people who are in your life now, as you say, your family, who needs you.  All it takes is just the sincere hope & prayer to be able to live with this pain, and communion with God. She will help you! Ask for anti-anxiety pills, no shame in that. This is a period of crisis, do not minimize its impact. This is hard and do not be too proud or brave to ask for help. Let your friends and family hold you up.  Blessings!