Ya Gotta Believe

So, my trainer and I were discussing the fact that I'm finally, this weekend, putting the scale at my mom's house.  Well, really he wants me to put it in the trash, but it's new, just a  year old, cost me a lot, does a lot of things, and I'm not getting rid of it.  Can I go 2 months without weighing myself?  He'd like me to.  So, I called my mom, said I'm bringing it to her house--I also need to ask her to hide others in the house (she can keep hers in her bathroom, I don't go there).  I just need it far out of sight.  Hidden at my house doesn't help ; / Anyway, now that it's going away (at worst I'll weigh  myself at the gym once in a while), he got to talking about believing I can lose weight, trusting this will work for me.  I come in and say, "Hey, today I weigh what I did 4 years ago after a diet program--cool" and he frowns because the numbers are irrelevant.  Men.... "You've got to believe you will.  If you don't, you won't."  He then referenced studies that supported this. And I realize I have still a way to let go, to accept that what we're doing works.  After so many diets, so many regimes, so little results, it was hard for me to.  I've spent the last 5 months of training finding what works and seeing results.   Do I now believe that I'm on target?  Yes.  Will it be consistent?  Yes.  It will continue to work.  So, no, I don't "need" the scale.  I don't need it to tell me I'm doing right or wrong--I know when I am. So, I gotta believe.  Believe I can be that nonplus size person.  The fact that I'm almost out of a 1x and Lane Bryant shows me I'm leaving stuff behind, like my size. It's not that my identity is as a fat chick, it never has been.  I've never "been" my size.  I've been me.  But I've never had weight loss really work long term.  Can I give up trying and just do, just live it?  Yeah, but frankly, it's weird.  Weird to accept that I know how to live, eat, workout and the scale will  follow.  Weird that I left the 300s behind and it was so hard.  Weird now that I'm almost out of the 290s.  Weirder still that I will be 270, 250, 225....  I keep associated #s with events.  I was 270 at my lowest on a diet about 5 years ago.  I was 250 at my lowest on a diet 15 years ago.  I was 225 when I was a junior in high school.  Weird to feel so sure of success and maintenance (no doubt in my heart or mind) and yet to mentally stop on numbers like gravemarkers. And while my identity is strong, there is newness in me--I am a gymrat and I like it.  I actually even think I could do this as a career (details to follow if I ever do it).  It's all a weird experience.  Well, I know this is bloggy, but anyone want to add their thoughts about "believing" it will happen once and for all?