My son just broke my heart

BMI...kids weights are different.  I was rounded.  My peers were lean.  But I agree.  Had I been left alone, the babyfat would have worked its way off. The 20/25 is my estimate based on what I remember my gymnastics coach saying.

from www.keepkidshealthy.com which has a pediatric BMI calculator... A 10 year old (female) child who is 110.0 pounds and 5 feet and 1 inches tall, has a body mass index of 20.8, which is at the 89.2th percentile and is considered to mean that your child is at risk of becoming overweight. A 10 year old (female) child who is 85.0 pounds and 5 feet and 1 inches tall, has a body mass index of 16.1, which is at the 36.0th percentile and is considered to be a healthy weight. so 85 wouldnt have been too thin... but 110 was far from huge :)

Great link and info!   Well, I knew it wasn't huge.  I mean, I was in gymnastics and active, but I was in gymnastics which we all know puts a heavy toll on being thin. Regardless, it was just babyfat, but since that age (8), I was made to feel awful about my body.  I haven't broken that yet.

"I was 10, 5'1 and 110 lbs.  I was about 20-25 lbs overweight" I just checked that BMI on the MAYO clinic website and by  using that age/height etc., a kiddo's BMI would be  20.8 and a normal child at that age should be between 14.2 and 20.3.  So you weren't THAT over weight at all.   They say what it means is: "At higher risk of becoming over weight" That is horrible to put a kid through that- I would assume your mother just didn't know better... we have learned SO MUCH in the past years about children and how things affect them. I really do think genetics play a HUGE roll in this as well. I'm blessed to be raising the last 2 of my 6 kiddo's. I have a 31 y/o that is average weight, She may bounce up 15 pounds but bounces right back. My 20 y/o dd is the same way... she is shorter and really is in pretty good shape. My 22 y/o ds is a freakin bean pole. He is about 5'6 and weighed around 135- soaking wet!  (his began with emotional issues as a pre-teen and although he has had some counseling for it- he tends to eat less than he should) My 13 y/o is just a hair below the upper range of normal BMI............ so other than my one son- all my bio children are average. NOT skinny by any means- but definitely NOT over weight. Then you see my little 6 y/o dd! She is 40 pounds (soaking wet!) and she is TALL for her age. She eats like a HORSE! That kid can put down the food! She is muscular. She is VERY thin- other than muscles. Long skinny legs/arms/fingers... even her TOES are super LONG   All of my children have been/are being raised the same way. Of my "skinny" ones... one had severe emotional issues related to food... one is adopted.  

It was very hard to go through. There was a lot of "you can't have that" when everyone else could and ironically, I rarely had it by choice.  There was a lot of blaming.  If chips disappeared, they blamed it on me.  I didn't like chips until my 20s.   Honestly, I didn't start overeating the wrong foods until I was 15, and then snuck food, etc and I started to purge at 16 until I was 19, but even then, didn't do it frequently. I don't blame my parents, it was a different age.  But I remember the humiliation of being weighed in front of them and feeling shame at the numbers. It's interesting though, everyone in my family had food/weight issues. My mom is 5'9 and about 230 lbs.  She doesn't eat a lot that I can tell, but she doesn't choose healthy foods.  I remember when she did a hamburger diet in the 70s and the house always smelled like fried burger.

My dad was 5'11 and got up to 240 lbs.  He became a hoarder and salt and sweets addict under stress.  He'd come home with a grocery bag full of chips and chocolates that were "all his". My brother is 6'2 and now 240, but...he doesn't look it.  He's got a big build and 220 is healthy on him.  I'm worried about him now as his girlfriend told me he eats a grab bag of chocolates in a single sitting. I mean like 8 Reese's 2-cup packs.  My "elevated" blood sugar was a warning sign for me and now I think I see the potential for diabetes II in all my family, even my dad who died 15 years ago.... Ironically, at 294 I'm the healthiest in the household, even though we're no longer  under the same roof. Anyway, I won't ever make a child of mine feel shame for his/her body.  That wound cuts deep.

Thanks for all of your suggestions.  It is hard, it is very hard.  It doesn't help that not only is he ten, but he doesn't quite comprehend like most ten year olds would.  I don't know if he just doesn't understand, or things just fly right in one ear and out the other.  He has no self control, to where just five minutes after we talk he wants something else.  One of my teenagers is a little pudgy, probably weighing 150.  She also has her own issues, but she chooses not to listen to me anymore.  Whenever I try to talk about it she just complains and storms off.  I've recently noticed she is calling herself a "fatty", like in a jokingly way.  So it's going to eventually bite her in the butt. 

I guess I'm going to have to have a "family meeting" once again on teenagers bringing stuff home.  I don't think he eats it too often, but it's there so it's tempting.  I finally got it through to my mom to stop bringing her left over goodies over here.  I finally told her it's going in teh trash if she brings it.  She's not too happy with me about it.  In fact she put something in her grocery cart the other day and mentioned it to my youngest.  My youngest said we wasn't aloud to have those, that mom never buys them.  That woman gave me the evil eye I swear.  I don't know why eating healthy is such a bad thing.  I do give them things on occasion, I don't like saying "your never going to eat this again", because it's not true!  I think we should be able to eat anything we want, just when the times right, and not all the time!

I think I'm going to start working out with him as a fun thing to do.  They love doing things with me, so I actually think they will get a kick out of it.  I still don't understand your reasoning for not putting him on the treadmill.  That is if you think he doesn't want too, or making it a "diet". 

I think I'm going to have to watch him like a hawk.  And I liked someones idea about no eating anywhere except for at home.  I actually made that rule once before, but it somehow seemed to have vanished.

I hope to be a little bit of a light here, I have a 16 yr old daughter who in the past few yrs has lost about 50 lbs, on her own walking more eating better etc. she just hit a point in her life where her weight hit her and she started to do something about it.{about the same time boys became an issue} but what ever the reason she is now normal weight and much happier about it. I think even kids have to realize on thier own that they have a problem.  The only advise i can give is keep a limited amount of food in the house and only food that you want him to eat, lock the freezer if that is an issue and tell the teens so keep thier crap food out of your fridge they have to take some responcibillity to this as well, and realize that it is your home and your rules, that is it. Sorry if that is a bit harsh but the little guy is the one suffering not them they can eat that stuff outside the house when they are at school etc.. The other question is has he been tested for Diabeties, sounds like it might be an issue the carb hording is common and type 2 in kids is on the  rise. I hope it isn't the case, but it is a real concern well good luck, Chantal

Hi Chantal,

I don't think we've met before! :)  Thanks for your suggestion.  Ya know, I've also considered diabetes since it runs in our family.  I'm almost in the "pre" stage, been told I'll end up with it if I'm not careful.  My mom, dad, grandparents, uncles, aunts..you name it, has it.  Maybe I'll make him an appointment for a check up to see what the doctor thinks.  He is due for one anyways.

And for the teens, heck..your not being harsh! :)  We have to live here, there almost out the door. I'm going to have another talk with them.  That's great your 16 year old finally realized what she had to do.  I wish my 16 year old daughter would realize that!   Instead she just giggles and gets more food.  She just told me last night that she might have a boyfriend soon  (lol, I loved the "might"), so hopefully it's going to happen so that maybe it will get her butt in gear.