My son just broke my heart

My son came up to me and said he was not eating dinner.  He said he was never eating again, that he had to go on a diet.  He then ran into our gym room and started working out.  Just after 15 minutes on the bike, with the fan on , he was sweating fiercely.  I just rode yesterday for a half n hour and I just started getting hot, and he's ten!  I talked to him for a little bit, trying to make him understand he has to eat, etc.  I told the bariatric doctor about him and he said to let him grow into his weight, and not put him on a diet.  So I've been trying this approach, to find out last night he has gained 14 more pounds. :(  He now weighs 134 pounds.  He's exceedingly stubborn, and craves carbs like I've never seen.  He sneaks food, hides food, and will eat frozen food out of the freezer if he has too.  He's just awful.  I can only control what he eats at home, who knows what he eats at friends house or at school.  I'm just getting really scared for him. 

I've tried not putting him on a diet so too speak, or letting him realize it, which is the doctor recommends.  But then again I sit here thinking, my parents NEVER lectured me on sweets or portion control, etc.  My mother told me the doctor told her when I was in sixth grade I could have a heart attack.  I don't remember any difference in my ways of eating after that.  So now I look at what this doctor told me and really am starting to wonder if he is right.

I think I'm going to start excercising with him in the evening.  Maybe include any other family members too so they won't feel left out.  I won't make it a diet thing, but just for good over all health, and that everyone should excercise! 

Any other ideas, I'm just heart broken over this.

I am from the other side of the fence.  I probably could have/would have grown into my own weight quite easliy - but my mother ALWAYS went on about my weight...  I believed her  - that I was fat and became the prophecy, so to speak. I have worked very hard to teach my son healthier habits.  I applaud his efforts to eat better... but do not harp on his choices. He has learned to read lables - he knows to watch out for too much sugar or fats.  He is learning to move more...  and he is growing into his weight quite nicely.

One thing that has really helped is making him a high protien breakfast everyday.  Usually 2 eggs with a bit of cheese on top and a glass of milk.  This helps fill him up and keep him full well into the day - sometimes so much so that he doesnt even feel the need to finish his lunch.   I also do not keep much food in the house - or in the freezer.  It simply isnt there to be eaten. Dinner at our house is meat and veg - we skip the taters.  I do make sweet potatoes though - and my boy likes them better than white ones now!  sliced up and "fried" on a cookie sheet in the oven they are great! We also talk about choices.  For instance, if we eat at wendy's he will opt for a salad with his burger if he wants a frosty...  now I know that a burger and a frosty isnt a perfect choice but it is MUCH better than a burger, FRIES and a frosty! give him the tools to take control.  If he wants to be healthy he will learn to use them. I hope some of that helps.

Thanks for the info, we actually do all of that already.  I actually eat quite healthy (believe it or not), it's my fast food which is "my" downfall.  But I try not to indulge the kids in my bad endevors with restraunts.  He's just a hard one, he must find the food somewhere.  He does try to have seconds every night.  This past month I've just started to portion out the starchy part of his dinner myself.  I've noticed that is what he always asks for more of, which now I won't let him have it.  I tell him to eat more salad or get a piece of fruit. 

I've noticed he has NO control.  I've seen him in the store with me almost crying because he thinks he's so hungry.  He acts out like if he's dying and pretends he's opening up food.  I'm assuming to see if I give in?!?!  He is my challenged child, in school and at home.  He's hard to get through too.  I really feel stuck.

That's interesting that you lived on the other side.  My parents always thought I would "grow into it".  That was there excuse.    It was just a child hood thing to them.

maybe try this....  at dinner time cover 1/2 of his plate with veg... then put 1 serving of starch and one serving of meat on the other side.  If he finishes his meal - all veg gone - and he still wants seconds he can have them....  seconds of EVERYTHING...  1 serving of veg, half serving of starch and a half serving of meat....  when that is all gone do the same thing again, only smaller. If he is willing to eat the veg to get the starch he WILL get full eventually :)  but at least it will be balanced! I used to serve family style all the time...  big bows of stuff on the table - no more.  Now I portion it out at the stove.  Also, I agree with Andy - no treadmills or diets... just an emphasis on healthy living for everyone in the family. As for the temper tantrums.... dont put up with that crap....  and DONT give in!

LOL, I could just see his face when putting half his plate with vegetables.haha  He is an extremely picky eater, I have a hard time finding veggies he likes.  Hmm, wonder if that would work.  But then again I don't want him to stuff himself either.  guess that is where the smaller portions of everything would come into play. 

As for family style..heck no!ha  , I portion it out at the stove also.  That just seems like too much work! :)

 

I started with veggies he likes....  peas for instance....   there would be a half plate of peas and ONE SMALL TINY MINISCULE bite of something else.  If it was a veg I was unfamiliar with I would try it too!  For instance we once split a quarter of a brussel sprout!  LOL Over time we have found some new veggies to like... and some to avoid at all costs...  All I ask is that he TRY them 3 times (not in a row) before we get rid of it forever...   are there any veggies he likes? My John now eats... broccoli, beans, peas, carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, cooked onions, zucchini (with cheese) sweet potatoes, peppers....  cant think of what else at the moment... but it is a big improvement over peas and broccoli which were the only 2 choices for a long time!

honestly, the best thing you can do is to insititute lifestyle changes as a family. this means you have to be on track too. keep fresh healthy stuff around. no little debbies or regular soda - even if there are other skinny family members - no one needs that kind of junk. go on family walks after dinner. maybe get him involved in karate or rollerblading (do not put him on a treadmill or get him a trainer). get him to exjoy activities without realizing they are exercise. don't make him feel like there is something wrong with him - definitely include all family members in these activities. don't go all no carb or anything silly like that. you need to have an open environment - secret eating, hiding food this early = major disordered eating later. from a kid where weight was ALWAYS an issue with my parents, siblings etc i can tell you that it is much better to guide him by example, be positive and supportive and not point out his flaws. follow his lead. don't send him to fat camp unless he wants to go. maybe he might want to see a nutritionist or a therapist, who knows.  criticism, control, lecturing will do a lot more damage in the long run and rarely will help in the short run.  just my two cents....

I think your right, have to do it as a family thing.  Only thing is I have two teenagers that don't follow.    I think that interferres with it a little.  They bring home goodies and my son sees it in the fridge.  Which he's not allowed to eat it since it's theirs, but that's when the sneaking comes in, or if he doesn't sneak,, he feels like he's on a diet and he acts out. 

Can I ask why you say don't put him on a tread mill?  Or is it just if it's not his choice?  I converted my family room into a gym, where I usually do my workouts.  I can't go outside for walks, something in the air bothers my asthma everytime and tightens up my chest to where I can't walk.  Hmm, maybe indoor iceskating would work.  I've really thought about trying to get him interested in it, as I think he would be a killer hockey player. :)  Maybe we'll go ice skating tonight.

You hit it on the mark when you said major disordered eating later when it comes to him hiding things.  I'm terried of this.  Once in a while I have to go look in his bedroom.  He has wrappers stuffed under his mattress, and under his bed.  It's not coming from here, so it must be outside from friends and he hides it.  I've almost thought if I should portion out a SMALL bite size candy a day for him just because of this behavior.   Maybe he wouldn't do this then?!?!  I don't know..

I can relate to your feelings completely. I have an 8 1/2 yr old that weighs 115lbs. Now, hes a big guy,solid..BUT his weight gain comes from a medication he takes. I am CONSTANTLY battling my lil boy and the fridge.He would get down right VIOLENT!!  I have HAD to be creative definately. I will say that  you have been given some GREAT ideas. Making the workouts a family affair is a great start! Make it about your family and healthier choices. Praise him for helping make the choice for your family.  My son would and still will if Im not careful eat ANYTHING..frozen,fuzzy,raw,green...anything if he is hungry because the meds tell him he is..even if he isnt. I had to change everything. We dont even have juice in my house. Its bottled water and crystal light singles for a treat. I know, it seems hardcore..BUT, it works here. I have to also have that rule.."if its not in the house he cant eat it" There are only fruits and veggies..(that way if hes sneaking,which mine did too,its all healthy. LOL a handful of raspberries..lol ;) looks like a lot right? but not that damaging!! ) I even have a snack chart on the fridge..lol It shows whats in there. Thats it ,thats all...thats what's there! Ya just cant argue with the chart! Its bigger than mom!! The chart is boss!  Its sooooo  tough I really do understand!! (as I sit here and listen to my son who just had dinner 15 mins ago telling me hes starving!) Ive had to make sure he gets enough sleep because it will increase the carb cravings. I have also incorperated "eating out"(we all do it) by using healthy choices like Subway,or pita pit, or somewhere where you have more control over what it is going in their mouth. I make deals..sometimes he wants McDonalds( like most normal kids do) I say, sure, BUT..if we go, we have a "healthy choice" so I have given him control to choose if its really what he wants or not. If he wants that chicken burger so bad..then ok..but you can have the one with less calories,the healthier choices menu..and its stil from McDonalds. That trip is far and few between mind you..but he doesnt feel like hes missing out. I have learned the only way its gonna work for him is thru me..I have to be the example..soooo I have been..he and I are on this journey to a healthier more active life. I weighed my self the other day...and then asked him to..just to see..and he had lost a lb. Just one..but it was a start..he was PROUD a*****h!!! I made it a huge deal..and now that he has seen it works,I just remind him. YOU CAN DO IT! you already lost a pound :) Thats what hard work does!! :)  I wish you the best,what works for me, may not for you...but I wanted to let you know,someone understands.  Best of  Luck  Jessica

It is a heartbreak! I have a daughter like that, only now she is 28, on her own with her own family, and almost takes pride in eating all wrong.  I have to love her anyway, and just let her be. Once in a while, i let her knwo i am concerned for her. She thinks I am a health nut.  more later, my supper is ready