Paging Andy!

Are you lurking? I bet life after your move has been busy...but the holiday season is always a good time to have your awesomely successful self and opinion around...how's it going???

man oh man.  i lur****asionally. i just don't have any free time to think! this working thing REALLY sucks. and trying to write my binge eating dissertation isn't making my "free time" any better. in fact, i am still at the office - online to avoid said dissertation. and when i have been on here, there hasn't really seemed to be a whole lot that i've felt inspired to respond to (nothing personal to anyone). i am very unhappy with my weight and i have no idea what the problem is. i am working very intensely with trainer 3 times a week  for a few months now. i benchpressed 90 lbs last week (i seriously thought my implants were going to squeeze out of my chest and fly across the room). eating is the same as always, yet i've gained like 10 lbs. some of my muscles do look a little bigger and i know i'm stronger - but not 10 lbs bigger or stronger. i have a treadmill in my apartment and wake up at 6:30 am so i can get in at least 30 mins before work on most days. still having lots of back problems and cannot run. and there really isn't much intense cardio stuff i can do because of the back. chiro wants me to swim. i haven't been in a pool since i don't know when! scary!! bathing suits are frightening!!! i was thinking about checking in with a nutritionist, but there is only 1 in the entire town and she works here at the center a few days a week, so that would be weird. especially since almost no one here knows about my fat girl history.  definitely feeling fat and yucky. and i am exhausted all of the time. some crap has gone with me professionally and academically that has kept me really stressed, so i'm sure all that extra cortisol has not helped either. most of that situation has sorted itself out at this point and things are slowing down with exams and the holidays and everything. i wanted to go back to Duke over the holiday but they are completely booked through jan 20th.  i am hoping things will calm down a bit - i just hate to head into the holidays at the weight i'm at since of course we have a ton of holiday luncheons and appreciation breakfasts and other such nonsense. other than all this, things are good. i have a new nephew who is 6 months old and cute as a button. i am enjoying my work, i just wish i had more time to do the things i want to do. i also wish i wasn't  so limited in lots of ways because of the tiny town. i was looking for a therapist for awhile but of the 3 they have in the whole town, no one has after work hours. you just can't win! anyway, thanks for asking!! how are you doing? i have missed being around here. not like i feel like a good example or a  "success" at this point anyway. i'm trying not to stress about too much - but i also don't want to be complacent and suddenly wake up at 200 lbs.... now that i've avoided dissertation for 45 minutes, i should prolly just go home and eat something and watch Survivor. i hope you and everyone else on here is doing well! andrea

I don't know if you've mentioned it here before but I had no idea you are writing a dissertation on binge eating. I think that is really fascinating. Whenever you feel like giving us a nugget of your opinion and/or research... I am really sorry about how your injury has been treating you. I don't know what it's like to live with that so I don't really feel I have a place saying "WHY DON'T YOU JUST DO THIS" or "WOULDN'T THIS WORK?!" However...if you have it anywhere in you, try the pool! This doesn't apply to you completely because you are not fat (whatever you think...) but I believe Shari once said something similar to "you think if you don't wear the bathing suit, people won't notice that you're fat?" Your shape is your shape no matter what. I mean, I believe in dressing to flatter yourself in normal life...but even if bathing suits make us feel like monsters (and I HATE them...not one can do anything for my poor old boobies)...let's just try and get over it together. It would be so nice if you added something to your wellness repertoire and it would make you feel really good in the end I think! That therapy thing is tough to work around...as for the nutritionist, does Duke have anyone who will do phone consultations? In-person must be your first choice, I know... I suppose I'm doing okay but I'm waiting to break through to the 100's before I have my next big celebration...anyway it is REALLY hard to believe I will ever get down to normal at least until I break through that one... Oh and congratulations on your nephew! I want one or a niece real bad! Since my sister cannot wait to get married and pop 'em out hopefully that won't be a problem for me... Hopefully you can stick around and chime in sometimes...who else would have helped me with my ponderings about fast food fried chicken legs? BTW, I am glad I never decided to eat one.

yes, i know i need to man up and get in the pool. its a community center where the trainer is, so its probably mostly middle aged and older women anyway. its just a pain since my treadmill is right here and i already trek over to community center 3 times a week for trainer.  i probably could do a phone consult with duke. but really i know there probably isn't much a nutritionst couldtell me - it would just make me feel like i was doing something. this is one of those issues where there is no answers anyone can really give me. my body just doesn't like to follow the rules.  here are some pics from last weekend of me with new nephew, older nephew and the rest of the fam. he has a bit of baby acne but he's still cute...did you know babies can get acne? http://argosyu.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2109085&l=83fcb&id =15620929 (do you have facebook?)

Sorry if I'm barging in but I just wanted to say that I also took a peek at your new nephew... what a little doll baby! That acne will be gone before you know it! He is adorable! I sooo LOVE little newborns. There is just *nothing* like holding a new baby :)

I think you are awesome! You are just beautiful! I think you'd look just fine is a suit.... you are probably just not past that fear/reservations because you were afraid to do this in your heavy days.... you are so cute girl!

A little secret though.... I'm a gal that started getting "chubby" at age 11 (hit 100 pounds then) and our community built a new pool about that time. I have *NEVER* stepped FOOT into that pool. Because I was embarrassed to get into a suit :(  We just opened a new pool last year and I've yet to get into that one as well. I'll be 50 in April. I feel like I have really missed out on a LOT.  I wonder now- if my body will EVER look decent enough for a suit.... you are so young... so pretty.... and sporting a GREAT personality. You have a LOT to look forward to- even IN that suit!

We'll all hold each other up through the holidays. ROTFLMAO at the thought of implants blasting off. ME TOOOOO!!!  Gads.... what a picture ran across my eyes  

thanks for your kind words. i know the pool thing is definitely a remnant of fat girl syndrome and i just need to make peace with the bathing suit dept. the funny thing is that i actually own like 4 bathing suits currently. cute ones too. one a bikini (although i bought it with my old smaller impalnts, so it looks a little more *****graphic now than i want it to).

LOL....

WHAT!? You have had TWO sets of implants?! What did you do with the "old smaller impalnts"????   Can I make a deal with you??? LOL.... I just want ONE SET!!!  I don't care HOW small... just something IN these old empty bags LOL

You are cute!  You have a very sweet- naturalness to you! You will look great- you just gotta get your heart to believe that!   

LOL Yes babies can get acne.  My son had such bad acne at 3 weeks that he looked exactly like my mother in law. Great pics

btw, this new profile pic of you is supercute (maybe not so new, but new to me!) and my official dissertation title is Binge Eating in Adolescent Obesity - a mouthful, i know....